dickhouse

happy new years!

Happy New Years! ¡Feliz Año Nuevo! Blah Foreign Blah! Resolutions are for suckers with poor motivational skills, but since jackass 3D did such a rousing job overseas drumming up all sorts of new fans around the world, I hereby swear to take every minimal effort to make sure everyone feels moderately welcome here no matter how big or small the language barrier may be. So if you see me peppering future posts with what appear to be random misspellings and/or textual clap-trap, e.g. "colour," "cockney" or "fammi un bocchino,” rest assured I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m doing it just the same and with nothing but the best of intentions as always.

I don’t know what it is about this photo, but ever since it was first taken in 2006 during production on jackass number two I’ve always thought it had a very New Yearsey feel. Perhaps it’s the sight of two dudes in “Baby New Year” duds, or maybe it’s just the droning show tune verse of “Who knows … who knows … who knows,” but what’s more likely is that it’s just the wine now talking through my fingers. After all, it has been my experience that fermentation and nostalgia go hand-in-hand—or is that hand-in-liver? I don’t know, nor do I care, but one thing is for certain: 2011 will be unlike any year before it. Well, aside from 1999 perhaps, when everyone partied like there was no Y2K tomorrow to wake up to, seeing as 2012 is just around the corner and time officially runs aground on the Mayan calendar.

So laugh it up and make of 2011 what you will. I, for one, do not want to be the poor schmuck standing there with a thumb up his butt if and when humanity drops its doomsday pants for good. Happy New Year!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, California 2006)

happy birthday, dave!

Happy birthday to our very own professional party pooper, Dave England! Actually, he's not ours per se, we just rent his fundamental rectal services from time to time—and the one time we did not he was mad. Very, very mad! Seriously, hell hath no fury like a colon spurned.

P.S. Pay no attention to Wee Man there, he’s just a tourist in today’s birthday photo for Dave.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2010)

photo of the day: merry christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through Dickhouse, not a creature was stirring aside from Murray the moderately soused elf. I would plow on further to say that the stockings were hung like Chris Pontius by the chimney with care (all in hopes that St. Glenfiddich soon would be there), but this rhyming is all off thanks to my own intoxicating quaff. So I'll drop it right here, the final exclamation I must, "Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

(Photo by Cordell Mansfield; California 2010)

happy holidays from dick's house of tvs

If there was indeed a Bizarro universe, The Misfits would have been called The Misfrigids, they would have hailed from the Arctic Circle instead of New Jersey, the song "Green Hell" would have been titled "White Hell," and that's all I have to randomly say about my affinity (or lack thereof) for this bitch of a season. Seriously, Old Man Winter can suck it.

Anyway, the vast majority of my year was spent without the family, so in honor of the time I now get to spend with them over the holidays we're going to take a little posting break here at dickhouse.tv. I want to personally thank everyone (especially all the li'l Españiards) for their online patronage, and hope to see you all clicking back here in 2011 when we resume regular posting activity. Yes, like a constipated rectum on the brink of letting loose a buckshot of pent-up stool, the Dickhouse pipeline is chock-full of projects to blow out in the coming year, including jackass 3.5, the all-new fourth season of Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory and the premiere of Ridiculousness.

Until then, enjoy the holidays!

cuss words of the day: italian

One of the greatest things you can do as a human is travel the world and experience different cultures other than your own. Language is, of course, a very big component of expanding your worldly horizons, and Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius did just that when they started a collection of colloquial cuss words while in Rome, Italy earlier this month. I don't know about you, but the next time I want to "go there," I'm going to whisper "Mmm... dito al culo!" and feel not only sexier, but enlightened and a man of the free world.

photo of the day: johnny knoxville

Okay, so that was a rather sneaky and underhanded way to get you jingle balls deep into this post, but 'tis the season to pull out every marketing stop possible. That said, if you haven't ordered your officially licensed jackass ornament, now is the best time to do so. Why, you ask? I'll tell you why! The first 50 people to order now will receive an autographed 8 x 10 photo of the jackass cast. That's right! Every single member of the jackass cast personally signed his name on every single one of these 8 x 10s that we're offering in addition to the ornament. The only thing I cannot guarantee is legibility and/or that each and every one of them washed their hands before doing so.

So don't delay—order today!

http://www.gloriaduchin.com

P.S. Like the shirt? You can get that, too! Details: jackass "santa" T-shirt

(Photos by Sean Cliver; California 2010)

the jackass 3D premiere in italy

Buon giorno! And that's the extent of the Italian I learned while reading Babar's World Tour to my son years ago. Well, I've learned a few more key Italian phrases recently, but more about that tomorrow. Until then, here are a few (very few) photos that managed to make it back to the USA on Johnny Knoxville's iPhone.

Immediately after departing Mother Russia, he and Chris Pontius made their way down to Italy for a quick jackass 3D press and premiere tour (with a few touristy stops between at the Colosseum and St. Peter's Basilica). I honestly don't know what else to say, so i'll simply let Knoxville's captions do the rest of the wordy work while I go take care of a tardy poo. A piu tardi!

Photos from left to right: Pontius in front of the Colosseum; At the jackass 3D after party with a student who wrote his master's thesis on jackass; A jackass 3D "victim" at the after party in Rome.

Bonus: If you're Italian and you know it, well, good for you, because the bulk of this video below is entirely in your tongue (and Fellini thought he had la dolce vita!). This isn't to dissuade any other non-Italian viewers though, because it doesn't take a man of the world to appreciate the subtle nuances of Pontius.

(Photos by Johnny Knoxville; Italy 2010)

wee man at aviano air force base

This past October, Wee Man congenially took to the friendly skies to promote jackass 3D. Now if you know anything about Wee Man at all then it should come as no surprise he generally goes out of his wee way to show up and support the U.S. troops in a big way wherever they may be stationed in the world. Here's video documentation of one such stop he made at Aviano Air Force Base in Italy (which I'm primarily using as a bridge to at least two more Italian-based posts to be posted in the coming days).

the jackass 3D premiere in moscow, russia: pt. 3

Before moving on to Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius's Roman holiday, let's first mop up the Moscow floor with a few videos found in the Siberian backwoods of YouTube. Warning: You're about to hear a language that would have scared the Cold War pants off your grandparents in the '50s. Fortunately we're beyond such things now, so just sit back and enjoy the animated body language of Pontius as he's dubbed down to speak in Russian tongues.

Next up, we have an amateur video presentation of Knoxville and Pontius entering the premiere amid air horn blasts, flash bulb bursts and ... glasses of water? Hmm. Well, I'm pretty sure that water eventually turned to vodka—miracle of miracles—especially once the cameraman finally caught up with Knoxville again at the after party. Incidentally, that's not a bald patch you're spotting on the back of Knoxville's head. That was an inadvertent injury sustained in Madrid, Spain while filming the opener to jackass 3.5.

Now this next video is for the hardcore fan only. It's an alternate angle of Knoxville's entry above with emphasis on the glass of water, a lot of dark chest shots, and eventually Pontius. What's funny about this one, though, is that you can hear how Knoxville keeps asking for updates on the whereabouts of Pontius. The reason being that Chris has this truly remarkable ability to just slip away from any scene unseen, which can be a real cause of consternation for the international "handlers" responsible for his whereabouts.

Anyway, that wraps up Russia. Do svidaniya, tovarisch!

30% off all jackass merch at zazzle: one day only!

¡Santa mierda! This Monday, December 13th, Zazzle is running a 30-percent off sale on all licensed jackass products for a period of 24-hours. That's right, 30-percent off for only 24-hours! (If you're reading this properly you should feel an overwhelming sense of urgency right about now.) And remember how just the other day I was lamenting the loss of all those old jackassworld "Skull & Crutch" designs? Well, they're back from the grave and ready to party with a whole lot of others! View the newly expanded selection here: www.zazzle.com/jackass

Remember: Nothing screams Christmas more than a credit card with a gaping hole where its rectum used to be. Happy holidays!

NEW LINK WITH PROPER PROMO/DISCOUNT APPLIED TO ITEMS:

http://www.zazzle.com/jackass?rf=238991288260101712&pm=JACKASSSALES

the jackass 3D premiere in moscow, russia: pt. 2

For the past few days, the jackass Twitter feed has been ablaze in tweets of foreign derivation. Some close to the translated mark, others so far off the beaten path that I've begun to question the validity of Interweb translation programs. Actually, I'm not. I'm glad to know they exist, because someone somewhere somehow in a position of power is using one on the sly, thinking he's slipping an international fast one, when really he's just sticking his foot in a horse's patoot. Honestly, who would ever find a small lizard hiding in one's rectum? That's absurd.

On that note, here are the rest of Johnny Knoxville's photos from the premiere party of jackass 3D in Moscow, Russia. I may be jumping to clear grain conclusions here, but there's a look in his spirited eyes that tells me there may have been something in his drinking water that night. By the way, I absolutely love the Russian Cyrillic alphabet. It's like space invaders with literal meaning!

Due to extenuating paragraph circumstances, I'm going to break style tradition and place the photo captions up here instead of the usual down there:

Photos clockwise from upper left: This photo should have been placed last, because it's Knoxville leaving Russia; Pontius passing the Kremlin; All liquored up with nowhere to go but thumbs up; Russian cheerleaders, pt. 1; Russian cheerleaders, pt. 2; Roger Alan Wade has a song that goes perfectly with Knoxville's expression here.

the jackass 3D premiere in moscow, russia: pt. 1

Bozhe moi! For the third time in Dickhouse history, Johnny Knoxville and Chris Pontius have gone there and back again behind the former iron-clad curtain of Russia. The first occasion was a long, long race ago on the Gumball Rally in 2001, when they introduced the western world to the Russian police force and a stern, stern but fair phrase.

Then came the infamous Wildboyz trip of 2005, when we all learned that Knoxville was so hot to shoot that a new jackass movie may not be out of the question (and it wasn't: five or six months later we were back in the stupid thick of it filming jackass number two!). We also learned on this trip that Russian proctologists are not to be trusted; however, that finger-probing scene wasn't unveiled until jackass 2.5 in 2007.

This third trip blew out of Siberian left field, though, and within just days of celebrating Thanksgiving in the States both Knoxville and Pontius were off on an intercontinental adventure to the frigid bitch of Moscow in wintertime to kickov the Russian premiere of jackass 3D. Here are but a few of the first photos to come dribbling back via emails with scattered notations by Knoxville (other shots can be exclusively seen here).

Photos clockwise from upper left (ignore the poster shot in the middle): Comrade Chris Pontius; It was 3-degrees outside with a wind chill much below zero and Pontius was in short sleeves the whole time; I know it's shitty and out of focus but so are all of my pics; At the airport in Frankfurt, Germany... Pontius carries his guitar everywhere like Manny carries his spear.

(Photos by Johnny Knoxville; 2010)

the story of johnny knoxville's belt and the fingerbanging chimpanzees

Chris Pontius and I were promoting jackass 3d in Moscow last week, and I was sitting next to a hotel window that had the Kremlin and St. Basil's cathedral in plain view. It was about zero-goddamn-degrees outside, but I was sitting in the warmth of the hotel dining room. I was being interviewed by this jovial Russian reporter who understood my answers in English but asked his questions in Russian through our interpreter Sergei.

One random question the reporter had Sergei quiz me about was a Chuck Palahniuk book which I cannot recall the name of at the moment.

Apparently in this book there was a SAD gorilla that stuck his finger up a HAPPY man's ass. I only put those two words in caps, because the reporter would run his finger down his cheek to emphasize crying for the gorilla and then smile wildly to communicate the emotional state of the dude getting fingered. In a hilariously deadpan manner, Sergei would mimic the same physical cues the reporter was giving three seconds later so I would fully understand.

I honestly forget the second half of the question, but it was along the lines of "Does this mean anything to you?" I cranked my neck a little and sat there flummoxed. A rarely occurring lightbulb went off in my head just then and I stood up with purpose and quickly removed my belt. I laid it out in front of them and proceeded to walk them through a four-frame story that I'd had burnt into it.

In the first frame is a picture of a chimpanzee sitting alone in the jungle. Sergei and the reporter had an interested smile on their faces at the sight of this.

In the second frame you see the lower torso of another chimp walk into the picture. Now a low rumble of laughter was coming out of my Russian comrades.

The third frame reveals our first chimp bending over ass held high and wide with the second chimp staring into his bottom like he's looking into a microwave waiting for the bologna to get done. Is it clinical, is it sexual—I have no idea. But Sergei and the reporter were laughing so loud that everyone else in the restaurant had placed their silverware on their plates and were now peering over at us.

Their biggest cackling, however, was reserved for the denouement in our forth and final frame. In it, our now squatting chimp thrusts his index finger into the arse of our bent-over chimp who is looking through his legs to make sure this whole thing goes off without a hitch. Now we were all howling with laughter. Aside from my wife and the guy who made my belt, nobody in the world knew this scene was on there. I had forgotten, too, but his question reminded me of the photo of an ape-to-ape fingerbanging I had seen on the Internet. Then it dawned on me: The belt I was wearing was designed based on that picture. What an entirely stupid coincidence to a rather odd question.

The rest of the interview was a wash because we just sat there giggling, thinking about that moment. I guess if you do silly things, silly things will happen to you.

Spaciba,

Johnny Knoxville

(Photos by Johnny Knoxville; Moscow, Russia 2010)

photo of the day: eddie barbanell

Everyone here at Dickhouse would like to say "Happy Birthday!" to our friend and jackass 3D guest star Eddie Barbanell, as it is in fact his birthday today. That said, I'll say it again: Happy Birthday, Eddie!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Florida 2010)

return of the pink: more holiday crap

Since that one "Pink Friday" post went over so well (I actually have no basis for that statement, but the minimal marketing sense in me says to just go with it), here's another batch of Dickhouse-endorsed consumer goods to potentially give or receive in whatever way your traditional holiday denomination may dictate.

There Are Many of Us

Not long after Where the Wild Things Are, Spike Jonze took up an offer from Absolut to conceive and produce a short film. The result was I'm Here [see trailer below], which first opened the 2010 Sundance Film Festival, then streamed online, and finally came to a fully enriched life as a book/CD/DVD combo courtesy of McSweeney's, an independent publisher known for setting the absolute gold standard when it comes to creatively packaging and producing books.

 

 

Stoned Traveler

If you're a longtime fan of jackass and have a pair of ears on your head, no doubt you're familiar with the music of Roger Alan Wade—or "Cousin Rog'" as Johnny Knoxville fondly refers to him. This 2009 CD release features our personal favorite tracks "D-R-U-N-K" and "The First Time I Saw Waylon." (Incidentally, Roger released another batch of songs not too long ago on Deguello Motel, but the link provided here is more of a stuffer for your digital stocking if you're of the MP3 download persuasion.)

 

jackass 3D motion picture soundtrack

Since we're on the musical topic tip, here's a handsomely packaged CD comprised of various songs by various artists. Some of the varietals on this soundtrack include: the highly sentimental "Memories" track by Weezer (featuring additional backing vocals by the jackass cast); the "Afterworld" credits cooker by CKY; the Big Brother throwback and jackass 3D opening anthem "The Kids Are Back" by Twisted Sister; the jet-fueled "I Got Your Number" by Cock Sparrer; and Karen O's poignant rendition of the Roger Alan Wade jackass theme "If You're Gonna Be Dumb (You Gotta Be Tough)". Bonus: The liner note sheet doubles as a poster or kitty litter liner!

 

assorted jackass t-shirts

During the online days of jackassworld.rip, Johnny Knoxville decided to play dress-up with the "skull and crutches" logo and customize it in various regional ways. Somewhere between then and now this line of designs went MIA*, but some still survive to this day and can be found on the official MTV merchandise site and the equally official MTV/Zazzle storefront (the latter where you can also find the limited edition "rhinestone" design).

* Rumor has it many of the former designs will soon be available again, not to mention a certain sought after "rainbow" shirt, so stay tuned!