an oscar ode to chris pontius, pt. 2

Okay, so this whole wild Oscar ado with Chris Pontius is really just a backdoor way to expose the explosive history behind... "The Poocano"! Don't think for a second though that I'm finished up with my Oscar trivialities. I have one last coincidental pipe to lay, but (butt!) more on (moron!) that later. First, let me expound upon the boldness of Chris, who was willing to go where many others were not during the filming of jackass 3D: peering straight down into the fiery hole of Mt. Poosuvius while administering the final solution to Dave England.

How and/or why did Chris volunteer for this duty? Well, gather 'round, children, because "The Poocano" is but one of many convoluted tales steeped in our stupid storied history:

In late 1997, then Managing Editor of Big Brother magazine Dave Carnie came up with idea to simulate the awesome power of a volcano with a packed ass and an enema. We were filming for the second Big Brother video, the title of which was to be "number two" (the cow don't stray far from the pasture, you know), so Dave assembled a crackpot team of camera professionals, including Whitey McConnaughey and Dimitry Elyashkevich, and took them down to the beach for his grandiose ass experiment.

Back then foresight was never one of our specialties (or now, for that matter), but Dave wisely enlisted Chris Pontius as his second should his own poo fall short of volcanic expectations. So, side-by-side on the beach, under the anything but covert light of day, Dave and Chris self-administered their respective enemas before assuming the position and going bottom blow for bottom blow on glorious 16mm film.

There may have been some debate "on set" as to what perspective would be best to film "The Poocano"—I don't know, I wasn't there—but when the final footage came back it wasn't quite the volcanic angle some had imagined. Okay, I'm strictly speaking for myself here, because I really thought the eruption would be more true to natural form and shoot in a vertical manner as opposed to the very lateral bursts of both Dave and Chris. But what was done was done and in the end it was the poo of Pontius that was deemed to be the video one*. In the hands—or rather, ass of another, "The Poocano" may have come across as a completely depraved and despicable act. Instead, immediately after the blow-out, Whitey panned over to Chris's face only to find him beaming with nothing but complete boy-ish innocence and wonder—a testament to the sublime power of Pontius to take the twisted and make it endearing.

Upon the release of the Big Brother skateboard video number two in 1998, several less than literate skateboarders expressed disgust at what they called the "poocanoe" [pronounced "poo-kuh-NEW"] while a few other sticklers pointed out the glaring error in poocanic trajectory—Dave England, for one. He, of course, never let this go, and while we began soliciting ideas from the cast for jackass 3D in late 2009, Dave proposed that we revisit "The Poocano," but with considerably more attention paid to detail.

So, after respectfully approaching Carnie for his blessing to re-do the poo**, the task was handed off to jackass art director Seth Meisterman to create a pastoral Poompeii scene from which Dave was to spurt forth. Create he did and before long we were standing in the very same warehouse location used in the Oscar-nominated film Inception. Only instead of traveling through myriad levels of dreamy sleep, we were all creepily huddled around this neat-looking train set table with a hole bored in its middle—a hole that would, of course, be filled by Dave England's green-painted behind. (By the by, I still haven't figured out why the "volcano" was green... it was much more of a geothermal hillock than a butte, especially with that ripping geyser that preceded the poo.)

Pontius, as mentioned earlier, stepped up to put the icing on the cake before quickly stepping aside for come what may—and boy howdy did it ever come. In fact, it kept coming even after Dave abandoned the shit ship in search of cleaner pastures, but I believe you'll be seeing all this and more in an extended look at the making of "The Poocano" on the jackass 3 blu-ray/DVD (available March 8th)!

* Excessively trivial shit, but it was Carnie's poo photographically depicted on the back of the VHS box cover to number two.

** We invited Dave to participate in the filming of "The Poocano," but we ran out of time the only day he was available to visit the set (he instead took part in a little thing called "Bombs Away" that you'll be seeing in jackass 3.5).

Bonus! This has nothing to do with any of the above mess, but when has any of the above ever had to do with anything? We can argue shitty semantics later, but for now just know that there's a "caption contest" going on with a jackass 3 photo over at funnyordie.com. Hone your funny bone here:

http://www.funnyordie.com/caption_contests/b3af6dc204/caption-contest-for-march-1-2011

(Photos by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, CA 2010)

Comments

[ellie]

Lol, Poooooooooo.

[Vidal Medina]

HAHAHAHA...Im laughing my freakin ass off...

[Shortie]

This is gross, but hilarious! Only the Jackass folk could ever think this up!! Brilliant!

[Quinn]

Horrible. Aaaaaand AWESOME. You sick f*cks. I love you guys SO much!!!!!!!! LOL!!

[MINE!]

Poo Volcanoooooo! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D

[Ilya_white]

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[M.]

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[dragonflydebi]

bubble wrap!

[Laura Z]

You know, if we all looked at the world with childlike wonder, that's as close as we can possibly get to Utopian society...

[Satrucci]

damn!!!!!!!!!! jajaja xD!

[Wolfwatcher7]

I would expect no less from such perverse genius

[renata]

How can he do this so easily? haha'

[gab]

he's a professional "shit-er!" hahahaha!

[vulgrim]

oh fuck is so cool XD a green ass and a shit

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Haahahhaa OMMGG! thhatss sooo funnnyy! LOL'

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yeahhh!!! you rock!!

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[Scott]

hahahahahaha so so funny I was crying with laughter in this movie..

[Carlos]

whats the name of the song that plays in the background of the episode "the poocano"?

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This shit is just wrong. Talking about the immagination and a shit er........

[Michel]

What bothered me most about the esidope was the message that if you pray long and hard enough, God will wake your dad up from a coma. I almost wanted Kurt's father to die and never wake up, if only to disprove this. What about all those people who pray and pray and still can't prevent their loved ones from dying? How are they supposed to feel? Yes, this is TV, where miracles happen all the time, but if I wanted this kind of thing I'd have watched Touched by an Angel. It didn't bother me quite as much as last season's esidope where Finn had to give up his private bedroom to share one with Kurt, and Kurt redecorated it, and Finn got mad, and for some reason we were supposed to side with Kurt, because hey, we should always side with fabulousness even at the expense of invading someone else's autonomy and privacy. I found it to be, paradoxically, a rather suffocating, one-sided message about the proper way to express one's individuality.

[Laad]

It wasn't Sue and Kurt against eyervone else. The majority of regular characters, including the teacher, didn't take a direct position.I don't think there was the slightest suggestion that Kurt found religion in the church or when his father [conveniently] woke up. Kurt was presumably moved by the beauty of the song and his friend singing it to him.Christopher Hitchens is moved by the Christians who pray for a healing of his cancer, but he has not made a deathbed conversion. Not an identical analogy, but there is overlap.

[Malek]

Posted on Football is all I have in life. Already I have to spend February to September attempting to find minaeng in other events family? church? my job? Give me a break! If you take football away from me, what am I supposed to do on Monday night play catch with my kids??

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[Wender]

time heals all wounds was not a beeaevrd parent. It has been 7 years since our first son died and almost 3 since our youngest son died and it is still awful. No parent should have I live in a world without their child/children. I try to be thankful but again I agree with you the holidays make everything harder! I wish I could go to sleep and wake up in the middle of January. Sending hope and hugs. fuck you cancer!!

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