dickhouse

johnny knoxville's toss to jackass 3.5 (take 6)

If you're one of the 10,314,312 (and counting!) frequenters of the jackass facebook fan page, you've probably already seen one take of Johnny Knoxville's call-to-doody for the coming of jackass 3.5 to joost.com on Friday, April 1st—in other words, tomorrow! Yes, sir (or ma'am, heck, I'm not playing gender favorites), very soon, perhaps even sooner than you think if your cranium capacity is as muddled as ours, you will be able to watch the episodic dribblings from our latest ode to stupidity. So please consider this the calm before the shit storm. Wahoo!

jackass 3 deleted scene featuring...britney spears?!

On Tuesday, March 29, a day that will live on in Interweb infamy, the Laws of Improbability were blindsided, upended, and redefined when Britney Spears teamed up with the jackass cast—a union far more unimaginable than that of Rob Dyrdek and Justin Bieber. Granted, there was an intermediary production involved—ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live)—quite unlike that time Brad Pitt rolled with us for an evening of monkeying around on the streets of LA, but hey, you take your pop-culture icons where you can get 'em (and believe me, even then it's not easy in the least).

Yesterday afternoon, Ms. Spears issued this mysterious statement via Twitter: "Just did my first @jackassworld stunt with Knoxville and company. Knoxville better watch his back... -Britney." From that point on the @jackassworld time line had nothing but Britney mentions dancing all over it (not to mention nearly 3000 new followers) up until the "stunt" was finally unveiled that night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where Johnny Knoxville introduced the clip as a jackass 3D "deleted scene" during his appearance to promote jackass 3.5.

 Britney's "Poo Cocktail Supreme" has since been embedded on every Tom, Dick and Huffington blog, but I might as well add it here for pop posterity as well. Heck, never know when a "Johnny-come-lately" that's been living under a McMansion-sized rock in the suburbs of America (or in the jungles of Costa Rica) might stumble upon it having no clue that the world has already consumed, digested and pooped it out in favor of the next pop-culture feeding frenzy. For instance, anyone remember that ridiculous "winning" mania that swept the nation for a godforsaken weekend? Yeah, well, Jesus wept. That's all I have to say about that.

jackass 3.5 benefit screening in ojai, california

The afternoon I found out that jackass 3.5 wasn't going to be shown in theaters, I began to weep until I eventually I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, it was dark, and again I began to weep. But this time I wasn't shedding tears about 3.5; this time I was sad because my local skate park doesn't have lights which meant I had to wait till morning to skate. Poor me, huh? Once I cried myself dry, I had an epiphany: We could show jackass 3.5 at the Ojai Playhouse and all the money raised could be used to buy the Ojai skate park some lights! When Paramount gave the green light to do it, I wanted to cry tears of joy but I was fresh out of eye water. So instead I shit my pants in the happiest way possible. I was floating on air until Dimitry told me that this was like raising money to have extra fingers grafted to my hand because I didn't have enough digits to wear all my gold rings at once. After pondering his viewpoint for a moment, I realized Dimitry is a fucking dick. In conclusion: Help the skaters of Ojai skate at night by coming to our little town and watching 3.5 with a bunch of the cast and crew! —Dave England

Help "Skate Ojai" in their "Light Up The Night" challenge to raise funds for this illuminating cause! Even if you're not in the immediate area to attend this extra-special jackass 3.5 screening on April 9th, you can still learn more about donating here: www.ojaiskatepark.com

cute product alert: jackass device skins

Time to strike up the merching band! Or is that marching brand? Hell, I don't know. Just stupid words, anyway. I could go on and on, I suppose, but time is not on my side and the tick-tocking lot of it keeps slipping, slipping, slipping into the future—a future that is rapidly (¡muy rapido!) being taken over one technological device at a time.

But where there is a product there must be protection and that's where we come in. Or, "Safety first!" as Danger Ehren would say... among many, many, many other things. This one time, Chris Pontius even had to punch him because he wouldn't stop saying things! But I digress as that's a story for another day.

So for now, let's talk poo poo, pee pee, throw up. In terms of catchy slogans this one ranks among the most rank and can now be proudly proclaimed to anyone and everyone within public view of your laptop no matter what your scene may be: coffee shops, the airport terminals, Euro youth hostels, school libraries—you name it, this will scream it. Who knows what kind of riff-raff you will attract!

Don’t delay, buy today. Better yet, buy two today! Surely Mom or Dad must have a computer to decorate, too, and what better way than with poo! Order yours now. No, now. I mean it. Stop skinning your flute and start skinning your laptop, iPhone, iPod, Blackberry and other hardware with this outstanding selection of jackass designs:

http://www.MusicSkins.com/Jackass

(Photos by Sean Cliver; 2010)

music video: "death star" by high society

Yeah, sure, we've got this whole big jackass 3.5 deal that's about to hit the Interweb, but by special request today's musical breather is brought to you courtesy of High Society, Yeti Beats, and longtime jackass director of photography Dimitry Elyashkevich—the last of whom was responsible for filming this video in and around his Hollywood backyard. No doubt you'll be able to pick out the special guest cameo appearance, but if you needed the nudge* to press play then it's none other than our Sultan of Sweat, Preston Lacy.

Incidentally (sorry, Dimitry, but it just wouldn't be me without an incidental incidence), when I first watched down the video it vaguely reminded me of that modern day musical enigma "Miracles" by Insane Clown Posse. Old Interweb news, I know, but to me it has all the staying power of such time-tested mysteries as the Bermuda Triangle, the lost continent of Atlantis (Patrick Duffy!), D.B. Cooper, the Olmec civilization, Jeff Tremaine's waistline, and a few but not all of the segments released post-humorously on jackass: the lost tapes. You see, I have an incredibly unhealthy respect for those in the world that can nimbly toe the razor's edge between genious and dumbshit, but, all magnets aside, even my jury is still out on this one...

And of course you can't have one ponderment** without its associated other, so here's another cult classic clip from the precipitous decline of western civilization as Zinnia Jones provides a deconstructive take on "Miracles".

* Not to be confused with The Nuge.

** The Oxford English Dictionary can go fuck itself after this recent OMG/LOL travesty that has besmirched our increasingly abbreviated race to the lowest common denominator. All hail Mike Judge, the greatest prophet of our times!

commencing countdown to jackass 3.5

Sorry, Major Tom, but I already blew my Europe wad on the once impending jackass 3 Blu-ray/DVD release so I guess it's back to launch pad basics for now. That said—prepare thyself! For in just five days from now, jackass 3.5 begins to stream episodically via Joost.com on Friday, April 1, 2011. Some, I'm sure, will say this release date has all the earmarks and toeholds of a dicky April Fool's deal, but I can assure you this is no joking matter. I mean, do Chris Pontius and Ryan Dunn look like they're fooling around in the photo above? Hell no! This is as serious as rocket science comes. And if for a second you think they're set to probe Mianus, you're sadly mistaken, my friend, because they're headed straight for Uranus. So bend over, Rover, and let jackass 3.5 take over your online life come April 1st!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, CA 2010)

warning: new book—the art of marc mckee

If you're not familiar with the name of Marc McKee then you best brush-up on your Dickhouse history lessons (most all of which can be found here in our requisite class textbook jackass: 10 years of stupid). In the essence of time though, I can and shall provide you with this half-ass CliffsNotes introduction to McKee:

"In 1989 Marc McKee got his start creating skateboard graphics for World Industries and many of its subsidiaries, like Blind, 101, Menace, A-Team and Almost. Spearheaded by McKee, this era is considered the golden age of skateboard art, whose funny, sexy and offensive graphics were hugely popular then and are considered highly collectable today.

"McKee was also the editor of Big Brother Magazine during its first four years and later worked on the Blunt Snowboard Magazine, before selling both to Larry Flynt Publications. Today, McKee continues to make art for skateboard companies."

Again, that's just the bare bones. If anything it's far too humble a description of McKee's impact on skateboarding, considering he was primarily responsible for revamping the graphics trade into the notoriously fucked-up, sacrilegious, controversial, thought-provoking, instigative, and hilarious genre that it is now fondly remembered as. And as far as Big Brother magazine is concerned, Marc was one of its premiere founding fathers and he poured those very same aforementioned immoralities into its gloriously infantile pages from 1992–1996 back when bare boobies were the bi-monthly norm. Not too shabby for a former BMXer, eh?

If you'd like a much more comprehensive breakdown of Marc look no further than this recent interview conducted by Chris Nieratko. But first, why not stick around and check out a few photos from the recent book release/opening reception for his Seen/Unseen show that opened in Los Angeles this past Saturday...

Photos clockwise from upper left: 1) Obligatory establishing shot; 2) Jeff Tremaine and Socrates Leal reflect on the original Fucked-Up Blind Kids; 3) Tremaine holds up his personalized copy of Marc's book (yes, that's Marc behind the book... he turns reddish in color when he drinks); 4) Pro skater James Craig displays one of his graphics done by McKee; 5) Detail shot of the original painting done for a 101 Eric Koston pro model in 1993; 6) Obligatory wide shot; 7) Dimitry Elyashkevich and Tremaine ogle several of McKee's illustrations for Hustler magazine; 8) The 101 Natas Kaupas Devil Worship board, one of the most controversial skateboard graphics ever.

To buy Marc's book, Seen/Unseen: The Art of Marc McKee, click here. You won't be disappointed and it will totally bum out your uptight conservative friends and family members. Defile your coffee table today!

For further information on Marc McKee, skateboard graphics, and the mysterious state of Delaware:

http://www.winsthings.com/BOOKS/mckee/

http://www.disposablethebook.com

http://delaware.gov/

(Photos by Rick Kosick; Los Angeles, CA 2011)

this just in from brazil...

Are you xenophobic by nature? Do you know what xenophobic means? Can you linguistically wrap your tongue around Xou de Xuxa? If you answered "yes", "no", or "maybe so" to any of the above questions, then please take this free test to find out now. Here's how!

1) Watch the above lengthy (oh yeah...) spotlight on jackass via the blustery red carpet proceedings at the jackass 3 Blu-ray and DVD launch party.

2) On a separate piece of paper or your penis, make a notation for any time you begin to feel uncomfortable and/or frightened during the course of the video.

3) That's it! Now tally up your score.

If you made 0–3 marks, chances are you're an upstanding global citizen and have nothing at all to worry about; however, if you made 3–1,005,298 marks, chances are you're a functioning xenophobe and really should think twice about leaving the borders of your respective country* of residence. Granted, yes, people that speak in foreign tongues with foreign mannerisms can be rather scary at times (admittedly, I still grapple with the concept of Canadians from time to time—and I don't mean that in a full-contact Gracie way since there's bound to be Brazilians around), but there really are none so horrifying as the culturally-deprived crowd when they go mucking about the planet like it's one big "ignorance pride" parade route.

That concludes today's test. Thanks again for visiting the dickhouse.tv free clinic. Tomorrow we'll be testing for gonorrhea, chlamydia and certain simplex irresistible strains of herpes, so y'all be sure to come back now!

* Or state, county, or city depending upon the severity of your condition.

jackass 3: continuity faux poos

I'd like to thank God, the Academy, my Asian, my make-up artist, Shannen Doherty's eye—no, sorry, wrong speech. Okay, here we go: I'd like to thank Darwin for allowing the Interweb to come to fruition after millions and billions of years of synaptic development in the human species. I mean, how else would we be able to pinpoint the idiots among us if they'd not been allowed out of the closet to run rampant on the worldwide wasteland and openly flaunt their foolishness—case in point: me!

Aside from the whole of the boogersphere in general, a few of the more prominent magnetic online poles these opinionated individuals gravitate toward include Twitter ("I'm so pissed, that so sucked, and I'm #soannoyinglycuteandclever"!), Amazon ("Suck it, Ebert. The hoi polloi review rule!") and Wikipedia ("Where rumor becomes fact!"), but IMDB certainly has its fair share of lunatics nerding out in the fringe as well.

Granted, I'm a sad sack of distended shit myself, so for loads of entertainment I'll occasionally check out these sites, clicking away the moments that make up the dull day to twitter and waste the hours in an offhand way. And just look at what I unearthed in my latest pointless foray: Someone actually took the time out of this precious thing called life to point out a continuity blunder in jackass 3D!

"In the dildo gun segment, the dildo can be seen lowering near the right of the screen when it goes past a miniature model of Egypt before. It is later centered when it flies past another miniature model of France."

Great Scott! Now the idea that anyone would take our craft seriously tickles me to no end, but for it then to be something related to a flying dildo? Well that's just peaches 'n' cream. In gratitude for this cherry on top of my day (mixed fruit cup metaphors, anyone?), here's a scatter-shot selection of behind-the-scenes photos from the little dildo that blew around the world before caroming to a halt off an apple-cheeked Rick Kosick.

Oh, and speaking of continuity faux pas, so much for those pesky ol' Wednesday links! But you can still stew on this if you've a linking like.

(Photos by Sean Cliver; California 2010)

photo of the day: chris pontius

If there was ever a transcript to accompany the various jackass films you would clearly see that 9-out-of-10 great lines are owned by none other than Chris Pontius. Segment's a downer and need a quick upper? Just direct the camera over to Chris. Quotation Case File #7734: "Dentists... I don't really consider them real doctors. They think they're God, you know? Not me—Satan." And there you have it, just what the doctor ordered to alleviate the pain of suffering Ehren—I mean, Ehren's suffering. Whoopsies!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Pennsylvania 2010)

re-animator: the musical (starring mister merlin!)

For those of you with two years of jackassworld.rip on your Interweb resumé, you will surely remember our friend Jesse "Mister" Merlin*. Well, aside from once shocking the absolute shit out of JxPx Blackmon's nipples, Jesse is also famous for his basso profundo theatrical presence. I was fortunate to first catch this lighter side of him on-stage for Julien Nitzberg's production The Beastly Bombing, but now, due to my geographically undesirable status, I am unfortunately unable to see him perform in Re-Animator: The Musical—and if you caught the drift of all those "un-" words, yes, I am very, very unhappy about this.

You see, like any good First World American, my timeline on Earth is not marked by milestones of great personal achievement, heartwarming family tradition, or any other significant life-reaffirming factor, but rather those of campy, pop-culture crap. Star Wars was the first real game-changer in my life when it hit the big screen in 1977, but once I happily settled into my mid-teenage years of arrested development and tasteless tastes it was the movies of John Waters, H.G. Lewis, Russ Meyer, David Cronenberg and several other cult film-makers that I turned to for immoral solace and guidance.

Stuart Gordon's Re-Animator (1985) was one such film, and I do believe that if my life ever does the proverbial flash-before-my-eyes prior to the big "Lights Out!" moment, one of the premiere fleeting scenes will be me watching in awe as a disembodied head goes down on Barbara Crampton while she's laying naked on a gurney. I was 16-years-old then and still had no clue what I could possibly go on to do in my future professional life, but it really was one of those "Come to Jesus" moments when I knew I wanted to aim subversively low—and I did, by god, I did!

So when I received an email from Jeff Tremaine last week telling me that he and Rick Kosick had gone to see Jesse in Re-Animator: The Musical at the Steve Allen Theater, I nearly went out and kicked some howler monkey's testicles in a fit of jealous rage. Fortunately Tremaine is man of few typed words, so the extent of his review was this: "It's completely ridiculous and amazing, and the audience gets drenched in blood." A theatrical production on par with a Gwar concert? Count me in! Only—fuck!—I'm not! Several thousand miles of "not" in fact, but so it goes. From the reviews the production has been garnering, though, it is doing rather well—really well, in fact—so who knows... who knows... who knows. There may still be a chance I can catch the show if I manage to wash up State-side in the not too distant future.

Please note: 1) Yes, that is Norm from Cheers zombified above; and 2) No, I would never actually kick a howler monkey in the balls. Besides a certain animal cruelty factor, I honestly don't think these masochistic monkeys would feel a damn thing the way they dribble their balls like misbegotten basketballs throughout the hard wood of the forest. And believe me, after I'd admitted to harboring a longtime cult crush on Ms. Crampton to Jesse and he, in turn, sent the photo below with a modern day Ms. Crampton, I would want severe testicular discomfort to be felt.

What gore could you ask for in a theatrical production? Don't miss Re-Animator: The Musical in Los Angeles! Show times, ticket info and more can be found here and there:

http://www.reanimatorthemusical.com/news.html

http://www.facebook.com/ReAnimatorTheMusical

* Footnote trivia time: Jesse appeared briefly in the credits of jackass 3D but will soon be maximized in jackass 3.5 come April alongside Chris Pontius's wood chipped pecker!

merch madness: jackass irish skull 'n' crutches

The St. Patrick's Day night is yet young and not so inebriated here, but it's a safe bet that anyone still reeling around the green streets of Ireland is pissed to the pasty gills in Guinness, whiskey, or many stiff combinations thereof. In either celebratory case there is no better time than the present to whip out your credit card and give it some online loving, because we have just the wearable apparel products for you whether you're proud to be Irish or just soused for the sake of a grand Irish excuse: the official jackass "green clover" skull 'n' crutches logo shirt and hat.

Order 'em up here, courtesy of Zazzle.com:

jackass "green clover" skull 'n' crutches shirt

jackass "green clover" skull 'n' crutches cap

happy st. patrick's day

I'm not Irish, but I swear I'd piss bright green today if I could. And I might just try! I know if I went to a certain global fast food establishment of golden arched proportions and overdosed on its famous green milkshake refreshment beverage I could probably eke out an oddly moss-colored poo, but my bowels don't do dairy so that's out of the hypothetical question. Oh well, a bodily chemistry experiment for another day, I suppose. Regardless, I can't help but celebrate today with a wee bit o' regret. Last year I was only able to spend two cyclonic days in Ireland while filming for jackass 3.5* and hardly got a sufficient swig for the taste of its cities, countryside or people—well, sort of. I mean, I did manage to have a close encounter of the worst kind with a transexual (whoops!), hit up the local leprechaun museum (begosh!), and down a slug of whiskey on Knoxville's euro (begorrah!), so all's fair in work and travel. One day I vow to return though to kiss the Blarney Stone, go Muff diving in Donegal, and walk in the Irish wake of James Joyce. Until then—sláinte! 

* Streaming April 1st on an Interweb portal near you!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Agua Dulce, California 2010)

johnny knoxville's 40th birthday photos

In lieu of more hot shit Wednesday linkage like this, I'm more than happy to bring you photos from last week's birthday celebrations for Johnny Knoxville. If you're looking for shots from a star-studded celebrity bash though, you best be looking at some other big time party and person because Knoxville's always been the "down home" type. So that's what we have here: A few shots from the world famous Dickhouse office space (special thanks to Rick Kosick) and a few right from Knoxville's very own home showcasing the many thoughtful gifts received from his family.

What I love about the above photo is that it shows just how badly scarred we all are from the years of sabotages and pranks on each other. Please note that even though Knoxville's own daughter is delivering the birthday cake to him at the office, he's still got his nuts protected. Once broken twice shy, I suppose.

If you're wondering what all of the above is then I'd wager you're probably under 15-years-old. But don't worry: One day you too will be old as the Appalachian hills and come to understand the importance of Depends, the adult undergarment protection you can depend on. Knoxville described this birthday haul as: "The totality of prick gifts from my sister Lynne, Madison and Naomi (notice the misspelled card)." Holly cow!

P.S. Lest we be batter-splattered any further on the jackassworld Twitter feed, here's a page set up by some fans in tribute to the man above and his birthday that was: http://03-11-1971.tumblr.com/

jeff tremaine on last call with carson daly

Last week, everyone's favorite primate Jeff Tremaine was featured on NBC's Last Call with Carson Daly. If you missed out, well, you're in (urine!) luck, because we've got the clip in our grubby little mitts. So watch and learn how this 800-pound gorilla came to life in Hollywood with a motley group of prank-happy oddballs. Should you manage to shelve your ADHD for 5 minutes and 25 seconds, you'll catch some classic (and rare) clips from Big Brother magazine, all sorts of "new" tidbits from the jackass 3 Blu-ray/DVD, and a promotional throw to jackass 3.5. For my own vainglorious benefit, I'd like to thank Carson for calling out jackass: 10 years of stupid, the book from which many of the photos used in the profile were culled—thanks, Carson!