At Ryan's memorial Wednesday night in West Chester, people were invited up to the microphone to say a few words about his life, whatever they were feeling at that moment. I walked to the podium and tried to share memories of my dear friend, but the words were just spinning in my head. What came out were the mumblings of a man trying his best not to cry, and I wasn't even successful at that. I didn't break down, because I knew Angie or his family didn't need to see that, but I also didn't get to properly convey what Ryan meant to me. I won't be able to do that here either, but I will try. Here is what I wished I could have told everyone then.
I felt 34-percent funnier when I was with Ryan, but I guess everyone did. He had such a hair trigger laugh reflex. He lived his life wanting to laugh and wanting you to laugh with him. He would cackle really fucking loud, too, and it wasn't uncommon that he would fall over from it. Sometimes I would fall with him because his spirit was very contagious.
He wasn't incapable of seriousness, though. Ryan was a great listener. If you were having troubles, he was always someone you could go sit down and talk to. Granted, most of our sitting down was actually standing up playing pool together, but he was always there if you were sad about something. That's why all this is even harder because right now I really need to talk to him but I can't.
Ryan also had an enormous capacity to love. His friends and family got a lot, but a lion's share of that went to his sweet and beautiful Angie. If he wasn't with her he would be talking about her. More times than not he would smile wide through that filthy ass beard of his and say something along the lines of, "How did I ever luck up and land her?" Well, it sure wasn't because of the way he smelled that's for sure. (Dunn despised water and rarely bathed.) It was because he had a pure, open heart, and many other qualities of which I am writing about now.
He was very loyal, too, and sometimes that bit him in the ass. We were filming a bit for number two where someone was going to stand in front of the Stingmore mine as it exploded. After we did the test, nobody wanted to do it except me. I wasn't thrilled about it, but I knew we needed footage. As I was doing my usual pre-stunt ritual of sitting in someone's car listening to Roger Alan Wade very loudly, Dunn climbed in the backseat. He asked me if I was doing it and I said, "Yeah." He told me he was going to sit this one out and I said, "That's fine, buddy, I got it." We went back to listening to Roger and ten minutes later someone knocked on the window and said it's time. I got out of the car and Dunn fell in behind me grouchily saying, "Ah hell, I'll do it with you." Actually, I don't know if he said that or anything, but I could tell how he was walking beside me that he was doing it. Bam decided he would as well and we all went in and got our asses shot real good. Whether it was a bit for jackass, a friend in need, or his beloved Angie, Dunn was as loyal as they come.
I'm becoming upset now because this isn't right, goddamnit. Ryan, I had to go wake up Madison and tell her you were gone. Do you know how hard that was?!! She loved you so much and I know you loved her, so why, buddy? Rocko will never get to know you like she did, nor will my daughter that is coming in October. I cry a lot about that.
Roger wrote a pretty song for you, but you're not here to listen to it. And I'm hurting!! We all are because we loved you so much and now you're gone. I know your spirit lives on in me, Angie, Bam and everyone you touched, but that's pretty tough to see right now through the tears. I'm starting to ramble now, just like I did at the memorial, so I'll stop. You'll have to excuse me, I'm just very sad because I lost my brother and my world got about 134-percent less funny. I don't know what else to say right now, so I will close with I love you, Ryan. I have a lot of emotions swirling, but I want you to know I love you so very much.
Sincerely and always,
Knoxville
im really sad he died ive seen all shows with him in them and i will miss him
Posted by: amy | June 25, 2011 at 12:41 PM
R.I.P ryan dunn well miss u
Posted by: Walker | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Still sad :( Can't get over this...
Posted by: Mike Sanderson | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
R.I.P RYAN U WILL BE MISSED VERY MUCH BY UR FANS
Posted by: marinela | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Damn, this was hard to read. Thoughts and prayers to you Knoxville and the rest of the Jackass/CKY family. RIP Dunn :(
Posted by: Tim Wright | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
I miss Ryann. :( xx
Jackass will not be the same without him .All my love the Jackss crew <3
Posted by: holly | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
LOVE YOU RYAN DUNN. :'(
Posted by: Cameron | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
Nice Man RIP Ryan Dunn You Will Be Missed Bye All Your Fans Family And Friends Love You Much Man You Where Kick Ass
Sincerly,Your Fan Anthony Mesojednik (:
Posted by: Anthony Mesojednik | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
I'm really sorry for your loss, my thoughts and love are with you all,xxx
Posted by: Kelly Wilkins | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
That was beautiful. It reminds me of when I lost my brother last year the same way Ryan died. It was good that you loved him, and it sounded like he loved you too. I think people die to show us to remember to live. The hurt doesnt go away, but it gets better with time.
Posted by: natasha tonsfeldt | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
miss this guy...a sad day!
Posted by: Jessica Snyder | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
that was so nicely put I cant imagine your pain! we watched jacakass 3.5 and shed a few tears its funny I never met the guy but through your videos he felt like a friend and its a true loss. may he rest in peace and you guys find comfort soon!
Posted by: sarah lopez | June 25, 2011 at 12:42 PM
:( misswd alot
Posted by: Baldwin | June 25, 2011 at 12:43 PM
This is was so very touching. Please keep your head high, that is what he would want, I am sure. We are all here for you. His memory and legacy will live with you all and through the millions he made laugh over the years. We are all thinking of you and wishing for the best.
Posted by: Emily H. | June 25, 2011 at 12:43 PM
You'll be missed ryan, and I know that was probably really hard to write Johnny. If you look at Reynolds035 on YouTube we did some stuff in memory of Ryan Dunn
Posted by: Kully R | June 25, 2011 at 12:43 PM
That is very touching and I'm sure Ryan loved it. He'll be with you now wherever you go. I watched my best friend overdose in front of me, so I know the pain of losing someone who was that close. My heart goes out to the Jackass crew, Ryan Dunn's family and his Angie, as well as all his friends and fans.
Posted by: Shannan | June 25, 2011 at 12:43 PM
Ryan will receive love from all of Jackass Fans...i wonder what jackass will do without Ryan .......Ryan Dunn was awesome
Posted by: jose | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
Touching
Posted by: max | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
"I'm becoming upset now because this isn't right, goddamnit."
started crying right about here.
Posted by: Ada | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
I'm sorry Johnny, yall were close! He and his family are in my prayers.
Posted by: Dixie Camille | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
Rest In Peace Ryan - you will be missed!!
Posted by: Björn | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
man ryan im gonn miss u buddy i didnt know ya personally but you are truly gonna be missed r i p ryan
Posted by: Joshua Kingrey | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
God bless you Johnny Knoxville, thats for the honesty.
Posted by: Tony Carlson | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
I'm sorry Johnny...Just know when you get to heaven there is NO sorrow...He is probably looking down thinking why is everyone so sad? There isn't any sadness up there and one day you will be with him again. I know this...you must have Faith in that.
Posted by: Jerra Schocke | June 25, 2011 at 12:44 PM
That is so sweet! reading this made me cry. R.I.P Ryan
Posted by: Kibbles | June 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM
R.I.P Ryan Dunn :(
Posted by: hj | June 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM
This makes me cry.. :c
RIP Ryan you were awesome!
Jackass will look empty without you..
Posted by: Frannie | June 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM
FUCKKKKK!!! ryan i miss you :(
Posted by: Fapo94 | June 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM
That was some beautiful words that were said about Ryan. I was a huge fan of jackass and he was one of my favorites. Im sorry for the loss of a great funny dude. He will be missed dearly! R.I.P Ryan Dunn. I give my best wishes to his friends and family.
Posted by: ryan smith | June 25, 2011 at 12:45 PM
R.I.P Ryan =(
Posted by: Josip | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
a class member of the crew,never forget the toy car up his butt scenes,funny shit,he gave me hours of fun together with all the crew,sad sad loss thanks for jackass,thankyou Ryan ..moggy u.k.
Posted by: simon morgan | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
Well said Knoxville.
R.I.P.
Posted by: kris meldrum | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
Well said Johnny!.....my thoughts to you and his friends and family....R.I.P Ryan Dunn......
Posted by: Toni | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
Really nice Speech, came straight from the heart.
Posted by: EllDee | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
wE lOVE nD mISS u rYAN dUNN iT wILL nEVER bE tHE sAME wITHout U Bro...
Posted by: Nick | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
I got a tattoo for Ryan today ...
I'm so sorry Johnny for yours and everyone else's loss.
I wish I could be there to give everyone a cuddle.
God bless you Johnny x
Posted by: Emily | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
ryan dunn u were my favorite person on jackass and i wish i had the chance to meet you i will never forget all the ti
es i fell over laughing from something u did i will miss seeing u in any future jackass movies and i will always remember you
Posted by: eric gaddy | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
RIP
Posted by: Noak Anderson | June 25, 2011 at 12:46 PM
thats really fckin shit... why had he to die? :( im totally sad, too.
he was a great man
***Rest In Peace***
Posted by: ZzeroO | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
im gonna miss u dunn i woke up and seen that text even though i didnt know u man i started to cry from day one of jackass i was with u guys eyes glued to the tv i love u dunn we could have been great bearded buddys
Posted by: jake | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
That's beautiful johnny(..: <3 godd bless*
Posted by: alissa wood | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
Aww... Knoxville is such a sweet guy to write this. I'm so sorry for your loss, a loss that is shared with the whole world. I know I'll miss seeing him in the Jackass videos... Just know that whenever you guys do more Jackass stunts, he'll be there beside you, either watching and laughing, or performing with you. :) My support and love to you guys.
Posted by: Dana K. | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
That was beautiful, Johnny. Ryan is looking down on all of you guys and his family and he'll make sure you all are strong.
Rest in peace Ryan <3
Posted by: A7x_doll | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
Im in tears right now. My love goes to all of the Jackass guys and Angie ofcourse. Ryan will be missed for ever
Posted by: Sinead | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
thats pure love dude
Posted by: viktor | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
...couldn't have said it as clumsily as you in all respects Knoxville. I still don't know what to say either. I enjoy free spirits even when I don't know em, and he was one I always looked forward to watching. FUCK! This sucks... peace Ryan... thanx Johnny.
Posted by: Steve Strain | June 25, 2011 at 12:47 PM
I'm still in shock. God bless you guys and God bless Ryan. He will be deeply missed. Love you all!! i grew up watching you guys from day one. You all are in my prayers..
Posted by: grace | June 25, 2011 at 12:48 PM
Yeah very hard to read. I cried.R.I.P. Ryan You were loved very much by all.
Posted by: jessie | June 25, 2011 at 12:48 PM
Wow! Very well said.
He does know how you feel. And I wish you nothing but the best, my heart truly does go out to you and everyone that knew Ryan for who he really was.
Posted by: Laura K. | June 25, 2011 at 12:48 PM
way to make me cry knoxville.
Posted by: Corey | June 25, 2011 at 12:48 PM