Lately you may have seen a significant smear of excrement left here on the Great Wall of Dickhouse, but that's all my life has really been of late. And I'm not even a coprophiliac*! Although, admittedly, you would have every circumstantial right to think I'd be more than deviantly poo-curious by now, but I insist that the fascination is strictly entertained on a professional working basis. The other more serious rectal route requires far too much life dedication, a motley crew of like-minded others, and a significant monthly budget line for Visqueen and Saran-Wrap in bulk—no, wait, that still sounds a lot like jackass. Eh, it's like Shakespeare once wrote, "The lady doth protest too much," so give me my robe, put on my crown, and don't miss an all-new episode of Loiter Squad tonight on Adult Swim at 11:30pm ET/PT. Smell the glove:
* What I am, in fact, is a proud, sleep-deprived, new puppy owner—the equivalent to purchasing a scampering, yipping soft-serve machine that requires constant attention and servicing.