breaking records v. breaking toilets

You can row or you can wade, but in the end it's all up to the jury to decide which way to let it all hang out. For Jolene Van Vugt of Nitro Circus fame it was to break a land speed record for the world's fastest toilet. For Dave England it was a more leisurely outing that ended awkwardly in a broken American Standard.

While I admire both for taking toilets to the extreme, I'm of the loosely moral, if not more bowel mindset that if you're going to do something it should be done all the way no matter what the cost, e.g. financial, physical, or mental. After all, is a toilet really a toilet if it's not being used as a toilet? Not to get all existentially bent, but someone somewhere would probably be thrilled to have a finely crafted ceramic flip-top chair* to sit upon simply for sitting purposes and not shitting porpoises. A stool without the stool, if you don't pardon my aforementioned merde.

The next level potty stunt, I think, and I believe Dave England would agree with me after his first misfired attempt at the hardware store prank in jackass the movie, is the stressful combination of a precision movement with imprecise movement. Timing becomes of the essence, not to mention focus and continence. Major cog though you may be in the production of said shitty stunt, you are still only one of many moving pieces and you're the piece that can't start moving until all others—cameramen, producers, etc.—are well in place. Because if it's not caught on tape then you might as well be that proverbial tree falling in the woods with no one around to hear it. In fact, if you're lucky, the only thing you may hear at all is an amazing argument between the director and the cameraman. Just a word to the wiseass, as everything I say does come from years of laughable and not so laughable professional experiences.

Congratulations, Jolene!

* Piles and prolapses may be a hazardous side effect of such an item, so do please use caution when considering such unorthodox interior furnishing options.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2000)

Comments

[rick kosick]

Oh wow that's great.

[Atkins]

Two great tastes that taste great together. Thanks for this.

[Harvy Singh]

I have to say, as interesting and insightful as these posts are, for me the topic is almost always outshone by the amazing writing lol
Nevertheless, great to see another triumph by man/woman-kind. Just a matter of time before we see a toilet on the moon and the subsequent logs floating around in it's orbit!

[Nat]

. hey Dave WILL YOU MARRY ME????
. I love johnny English but i cant find anyone with a last name English
. so I'm thinking England will do!!
. :D
. lol
. <3 ya.
Ermm what i really wanted to ask, now i have your attention is:
\ /
.|
\|/
.|
\|/
^
WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO, TO DO A STUNT WITH JACKASS PLEASE??????
wow i realy got bored writting this enjoy :s

[Harvy Singh]

^ ... what the fuck.

[suzi smith]

Congrats!

[Monster Beats Headphones]

No nukes. No fly zone. No me gustan los bichos en el agujerode mi pene. But (butt!) you can catch an all-new episode airing this coming Sunday night at 11:30pm ET/PT and here's the tease to prove it:

[Yudha]

Good timing I'm etiernng a new phase myself. I want to date hell, I want a boyfriend. not some young boy who is trying to fulfill some Courgar fantasy and not some old idiot who is bitter and angry at women.I'm along for the ride might have a funny dating story or two myself.Dawn

[Memithoo]

it looks sweet . it looks sweet .the only problem is he up the last part of the M the last leg is not ssupoe to over lap in the middle..i think he took the outline 2 far!?!?! Pause vid at 3:47 and u will c what i mean!!!!!

[Soccer ball]

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