big brother shat black ass scratch: turbonegro

It all began in 1995 with Issue 18 of Big Brother, when Marc McKee came up with the ingenious idea to review the 8 x 10 press kit photos that accompanied the promotional CDs sent to the magazine. So, instead of wasting time listening to potentially crappy music, you simply took one look at the band photo to determine whether or not they sucked at a glance. Hence the origin of the "Suck-at-a-Glance" method of review. It was a real time saver in the end, not to mention it allowed us to trade in our stacks of promo CDs on a more frequent basis for the stuff we really wanted to own and listen to.

Anyway, one of the 8 x 10s reviewed in this first installment just so happened to be that of Turbonegro's. As you can see (and read... you have to read), Marc really had no clue who or what this band was. In fact, if I remember correctly, this may have been one of those crummy promotional packages that came from a label without an accompanying CD, which generally equates to instant trash, but we were all just so smitten with the photo that it still made the column and turned out to be one of the few that definitely did not suck-at-a-glance.

However, due to the lack of a free CD, it would still be a few years off before we actually ever heard Turbonegro's sonic wall of awesomeness. That finally came with the 1998 release of Apocalypse Dudes.

Now I'm not Born Again, nor do I have any plans to See The Light soon, but I'll be damned if hearing the opening chords to "The Age of Pamparius" wasn't like Coming to Jesus. It was a baptism by guitar—many guitars—and I've never listened to music the same way since. By this, I mean whenever I hear Turbonegro I have to strip off my denim jeans, slap a sailor cap on, and twirl my penis around like the rotor of a helicopter until it physically aches to do so anymore ... which is usually right around Track 8 on Apocalypse Dudes, "Prince of the Rodeo". But put it this way: Listening to Turbonegro has added at least a quarter-of-an-inch to my penis. How's that for a blown-out, over-elasticated testimonial?

This week we'll be featuring a few other Turbonegro tidbits from our past, along with the release of the first single/music video off their forthcoming album Sexual Harassment.

P.S. Take particular note of the font used in the review, Futura Condensed Light, which art directin' Jeff Tremaine hated, but us wordy sonofabitchin' writers loved. He often let us get away with it, but sternly drew the line at 0 when it came to the tracking (typically we'd squeeze the type to -4 for maximum penetration).

Comments

[Laura Z]

The "Suck-At-A-Glance" rule most probably applies to all hair bands. You know I'm right.

[Harvy Singh]

I was just thinking the same thing about hair bands, it's gotta be true!

Also, whenever I hear of, or see anything to do with Turbonegro I can't help but instantly hear 'All my friends are dead' and think of The Gauntlet. What a scene.

[Jabril]

Will Big Brother be returning anytime soon?

[Cherie Lynn]

Such a beautifully written love story. *sigh*

[casquette new era]

Mon frère a suggéré que j'aime ce site. Il avait absolument raison. Ce poste a vraiment fait ma journée. Vous venez cann't imaginer combien de temps avait, transmis cette information! Je vous remercie!

[mbt france]

J'aime votre article. Il peut m'aider à beaucoup d'informations utiles. Nous sommes impatients de voir davantage de mots en elle. Je pense que vous aimeriez voir.

[Esin]

Kein andere Band hat im leezttn Sommer eine derart energetische, mitreidfend-apokalyptische und nahezu roboterhaft-perfekte Liveshow geboten wie HEALTH – da lohnt ein Blick in unsere zahlreichen Konzertrfcckblicke samt Galerien von ihren Auftritten beima0Intro Intim, im Festsaal Kreuzberg, beima0Berlin Festival unda0Dockville Festival.

[Momin]

over this band? Well, first of all, just listen to the album. Second, they seem very infenluced by Turbonegro, whom I love. Third, I respect that the lyrics are all in Norwegian for the same reasons I

[Sudaryono]

Utme4rkt initiativ!Var ff6rf6vrigt pe5 brf6llop he4romveckan, en annan ge4st de4r var se5ngaren i Florence Valentin. Vi prdaate inte med varandra, men hade jag vetat det he4r Douglas hade man ju haft en liten ice-breaker. Jag har ingen klockren stf6ld men ska gnugga mina gre5 under dagen.