I know it's a rather worldly and well cultured lot that comes to visit our little neck of the backwoods here, so I'm simply going to assume you're all familiar with the Dr. Seuss children's classic Horton Hears A Who! without having to get into all the nitty-gritty details of the tale. Well, this one day, on the formal set of jackass 3 and 3.5, we rented the super-duper expensive Phantom HD Gold camera to catch every quiver and tremor possible on Preston Lacy's big beautiful body of flesh. We were primarily planning to do so via a "Kissing Booth", but while Dave England was administering some paint-to-mouth on the speed bag, Preston suddenly hopped up from his seat, reversed face, and dropped his trousers before us all.
Now the tricky thing with the Phantom is that the camera operators need a solid heads up when we're ready to film (a feat all in its own while working with the impetuous jackass cast) as you can only capture mere seconds of motion before it "rolls out" (it's a digital frame rate thing). So most all were caught unaware and off-guard as Preston bent over and farted. Only it wasn't just a fart. It was something more, much more, but not that much more. In fact, hardly anyone realized what really happened. You see, Preston, similar to Horton hearing the tiny Whos, had his own tiny world all unto its own—a poo planet!
Preston quickly pulled up his shorts and exited stage left. I suspected something was up, but couldn't quite put my finger on it until later looking at my photos from the day and noticed an odd, renegade shadow and highlight combo where a shadow and highlight should not be on Preston's ass crack. And, yes, I do consider myself to be an expert on the subject matter, thank you very much. But, sure enough, there was indeed more going on with his butt there than at first met the eye. Now, years after the incident took place*, aren't you glad that it has finally met your eye, too?
Ferris Bueller said it best, I think, or at least he should have said it like this: "Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once and a while, you could miss a shit."
* Memories making you feel nostalgic like you want to go back there? Drop your drawers and digitally do so on demand with jackass 3 and jackass 3.5.
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Winnetka, California 2010)





But will it blend?
Posted by: Tlh62002 | July 20, 2012 at 11:37 AM
I think that's what they call a turtle head poking through...
Posted by: JoyJoy | July 20, 2012 at 01:53 PM
ah ha ha...i was there and i dont remember that. did we realize it at the time cliver? knoxville
Posted by: Johnny Knoxville | July 21, 2012 at 01:47 PM
That stinks.....
Posted by: Atkins | July 21, 2012 at 03:27 PM
not immediately, mr. knoxville... it happened rather suddenly with no heads up to the phantom dudes. and bam was running around with the boxing glove, so everyone was on edge with only half the attention available for what was happening in front of them.
Posted by: dickhouse | July 21, 2012 at 07:52 PM
Haha omg so gross. I love you guys so much though :D
Posted by: Mariah | July 23, 2012 at 01:18 AM
Well spotted! :D
Posted by: suzi smith | July 23, 2012 at 07:51 AM
Jesus Christ nothing disturbs me anymore. I have pink eye, and it isn't from looking at this.
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Posted by: goyard sale manila | September 09, 2012 at 01:09 PM
Good afternoon Mr. Bailey!I am so glad your fete is back on! I am CERTAIN that it will be REMARKABLE, as usual. If it was my event, I think I'd call in our Snow Makers so that while the guetss were inside dining the grande foyer, porte-coche8re, driveway, et cetera, was flipped/converted into a winter paradise blanketed in indoor/outdoor chemical snow and man-made snow ushering out the fall and heralding the arrival of the winter/holiday season. I'd ice-out' the spaces with LED washes, giant snow globes, change out all the Thanksgiving arrangements and colors in those areas for Winter ones that the guetss would see on the way out. I'd drop the temperature or bring in portable ACs to give it an extra winter-crispness in the air.For the winter holidays of other cultures, for example, Hanukkah I'd probably have a living tableau of kids playing Dreidel and lighting a Menorah; a Kwanzaa tableau with a family lighting the Kinara each on Theatrical storefront sets and an elevated throne area set up where YOU could hand out little somethings' to your guetss as they departed. I won't mention the Figure Skaters from Ice Capades on an artificial Ice surface. Guess I shouldn't mention the Ice-costumed silk aerialists in whites, silvers and blues from Cirque de Soleil either, huh? I'd also have Reindeer, snowmen, a caroling ensemble and elves with Mrs. Claus by the door handing out tiny parting favors to the guetss as they left. If you happen to use any or all of these, it would sure be nice to receive proper credit in your outlets online and elsewhere! LOL!Happy Thanksgiving! I pray you and your family & friends have a magnificent time sharing good times, love and gratitude together! Happy Holidays!
Posted by: Fabio | October 15, 2012 at 08:06 PM
Its completely nmarol that you feel like that! it means that you really liked her, more than any of your other girlfriends. you should talk to her about how you feel by saying something like i hope everything is going ok with your family but i really havent been able to stop thinking about you. if she keeps listening tell her that you hope that when everything is better you would like another chance. good luck!as for the other girl just tell her that you havent really gotten over your ex and were wondering if you could wait awhile before having another gf so you dont feel ready to talk to other girls. she should understand hope i helped!
Posted by: Julien | October 19, 2012 at 03:28 AM