mushrooms and other magical fallacies

The other day I finally had the chance to breathe, breathe in the air, but instead of doing so I decided to stay online and clean out the ol' email inbox. Through casual neglect and general disregard it had swelled to proportions on par with Chris Pontius's prominent protuberance, so a whackin' I went up until I ran across this little link someone had sent that I'd not bothered to click on at the time, thus making me viewer #3,559,104. Obviously a raging "late flag" has since been thrown on this clip—perhaps you were #9, #23, #69, #666 or #7734, in which case, lucky you! gold star! all that jazz! boner pie!—but for anyone else not hardwired into the world every living minute of the day, maybe, just maybe, you can be #3,559,222 and this is your chance to commune with viral dolphins and the blowholes they so saucily bare...

P.S. This kind of reminds me of the time Johnny Knoxville went to an Asian restaurant during the first season of jackass, spiked his noodle plate with poo, and then asked the staff what the mystery ingredient was—only to be told in all seriousness that it was a "bean" of some sort. Further giddy proof that one man's reality is another man's misperception and that's no misunderestimation.

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reporter not report...geez that double sided dildo had me distracted...

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