bums, eels, and the smells they hunt for

If this isn't a cry for the help of the Wildboyz in a world gone mad, I don't know what is. Supposedly a man checked into a hospital in Auckland, New Zealand with a rather wily obstruction lodged in his rectum: an eel. The creature was described as being "about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus" and was apparently removed successfully without further incident. As to how the goofy li'l guy got up there in the first place... well, that's open to wide interpretation. Sure, there's always the slim outside chance the man was engaged in some bizarre satanic sex cult ritual meant to bring about the return of Cthulhu and the end of the world as REM knows it, but if you know anything about eels at all—primarily the longfinned and shortfinned that are ingenious to New Zealand—it's that they are nocturnal, secretive creatures that prefer habitats with plenty of cover. And considering they "hunt by smell rather than sight" it's completely understandable how this one may have wriggled upstream and forced itself into a seemingly innocuous cave, not knowing that it was in fact door number two of a lone and unfortunate man. You know, the very same way it happens to all those endearing sex slaves in Asia. Case closed!

Whistle now whet? Bored off board? C'mon, c'mon, go on a kiwi safari and watch the Wildboyz in New Zealand with me.

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; New Zealand 2003)

Comments

[Piglet]

I wish they would start this show up again! They don't even have to do the dangerous stuff, just clips like dancing with the warrior guys was entertaining enough. Bring this back and get rid of Rob Dyrdick (I don't know how to spell the unfunny bastards name)

Shit, have Pontius and Steve-O host Ridiculousness!

[Laura Z]

I know someone who works at a Manhattan hospital, and she says the only things funnier than the objects folks shove up their hoo-has are the stories they come up with to explain (and the ER staffers don't even blink, this being NYC and all)... I'm much more concerned about those little fishies that swim up a dude's urethra in the Amazon, 'cause that sounds like a little slice of Hell on earth...

[Atkins]

Laura that's awesome! I LOVED Wildboyz, how-about 3D Movie?

[Laura Z]

I'd be thrilled to pieces just to see the original series remastered in HD ~ the photography was breathtaking (she said, totally objectively)!

[od]

I agree Piglet, they need to bring Wildboyz back, easily one of my favorite shows. I've only seen a few seconds of Ridiculousness and damn does it look corny.

[Dicky]

Sociopathic Sally:Holy fuck, you're funny in so many ways. And I don't mean Ha Ha funny.First of all, let's have fun with your I do not find Dr. Rob's story heartwarming blah blah bsullhit bsullhit. thing into question.Having grown up in an environment such as the one I have, well, fuck you. That's about all, since I'm not sure you understand English well enough to argue with your stupid ass.OK, so I can't just tell you to go fuck yourself every night before you go to bed because you're so much a fucking cunt that you're pissed off that you're not some kind of fucking cunt writer whom nobody pays attention to because you suck on so many levels it makes me kinda sad to waste my time on this. My fingers are crying. In Pain. And it's not carpal tunnel. Just your bitchiness.Dr. Rob has given me some sort of therapy. Believe it or not, if you want to be a total cunt about it. I enjoy reading what he has to say. I find some sort of happiness reading, rather than killing random dumb fucks like you. Sorry, but fuck you. Here's why, on many levels.Shocking, I know, since I'm reading something from some random asshole on the Internet whom I don't personally know. And this random asshole (Dr. Rob, sorry Dr. Rob, I don't mean it) gives me some sort of hope. And reading this is my therapy. So that's go fuck yourself, since you'll never find a friend besides your vibrator or left hand, since I'm sure you probably don't know shit besides your left hand, number one. Before I say I hope you die alone aww, fuck it, I hope you die alone.Oh, hell, where do I start? Oh fuck, I've already started.OK.From some cunt: Hey, kid, of course your mom was more upset about You, her trust fund baby. Priorities such as you getting your $$ Definitely top the latest sad-sack client of your mom's (who was just trying to off himself; no big deal. He's probably pulled this sort of thing before, anyway). Sorry I'm lucky and don't have to pay off loans.Fuck.My mother was kind of um disturbed about breaking an agreement to transfer some money out of a trust fund so I can pay my rent. So go fuck yourself. Seriously. She felt bad about transferring money that I needed so I wouldn't get evicted, and I'm lucky enough to have a trust fund. I'm sorry you weren't so lucky, but fuck you. That's like being jealous over some bitch who sat next to you in high school who got the awesome football player boyfriend who is now bagging my groceries. Proud, I'm sure.Oh, man, it sucks that I have my education paid for, and I'm not totally going to get raped by the state because something so economically fucking important is free to me. Man, I'm sorry. Kill yourself.Guess what, cunt, it's part of a job for her. Like clients trying to off themselves. When you're in the field, fuck, they do that. And it's just as fucked up and disturbing every time.You know what? Weirdly enough, I hope all of my mother's clients turn out fine. And I find that, for some weird fuck's sake, that I'm almost like my mother's therapist. She calls me after some fucked up shit like that, and I'm there for her.Guess I'm better than you, so far.I'm tired of giving a crap about what some random nerf-herding piece of fuck says on the internet. And I'm tired in general.It's been a long day.So you know what? Eat fuck.My e-mail. .You can have it if you're not too much of a piece of fuck to represent yourself at this point. You've actually made me bored of bitching you out. Congratulations.So I guess what I'm saying is that you don't understand a goddamn thing, go fuck yourself, and I hope you get bone cancer.Have a nice day, cunt. DIAF.Love,MeOh, wait, I only love me. So DIAF

[replicas watches]

A kind of self-esteem and ego come in the way of proper communication that is very essential in overcoming the disease.

[Letajigeaddes]

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