If this isn't a cry for the help of the Wildboyz in a world gone mad, I don't know what is. Supposedly a man checked into a hospital in Auckland, New Zealand with a rather wily obstruction lodged in his rectum: an eel. The creature was described as being "about the size of a decent sprig of asparagus" and was apparently removed successfully without further incident. As to how the goofy li'l guy got up there in the first place... well, that's open to wide interpretation. Sure, there's always the slim outside chance the man was engaged in some bizarre satanic sex cult ritual meant to bring about the return of Cthulhu and the end of the world as REM knows it, but if you know anything about eels at all—primarily the longfinned and shortfinned that are ingenious to New Zealand—it's that they are nocturnal, secretive creatures that prefer habitats with plenty of cover. And considering they "hunt by smell rather than sight" it's completely understandable how this one may have wriggled upstream and forced itself into a seemingly innocuous cave, not knowing that it was in fact door number two of a lone and unfortunate man. You know, the very same way it happens to all those endearing sex slaves in Asia. Case closed!
Whistle now whet? Bored off board? C'mon, c'mon, go on a kiwi safari and watch the Wildboyz in New Zealand with me.
(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; New Zealand 2003)