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Obviously this goes without saying—I mean, speaking as a warm-blooded male with testes bursting at the vas seams*. Others may beg to differ, I don't know. I've never knowingly ingested any semen, so have no practical knowledge on which to base this batter basted hypothesis.

Okay, yes, to be fair that is a pretty broad assumption to make on my part considering the slap-happy crew I've rolled with over the past 20 years, but look: let's just say I never used any of Johnny Knoxville's special moisturizer/sunscreen lotion ... so I definitely didn't get any bubbly goodness in my mouth. Can't say the same for Knoxville though!

Speaking of getting it in the mouth, did Danger Ehren get a little flavorful taste to savor when his face was awash in a sea of pasted pubes? It's highly possible, I think. I mean, you'd be a complete fucking moron to rule out the probable odds that loads of seminal crustaceans were indeed dried for all DNA eternity on those wiry follicles shorn from so many—SO MANY—different patches of pubic horror on the cast and crew.

Egad.

The skin does crawl at the very thought of all the forensic tales that could have been found and told around Ehren's maw that day ... hell, maybe there's even some still holding on for dear life there.

And one can only hope!

The only clearcut case of cum consumption still belongs to Chris Pontius, who did indeed drink deep of the seed (and you can still see a stringy bit on his lip right there!). Would it have been more palatable to some if had he supped of the human cum and not the equine ejaculate? All a matter of personal preference in the end, I suppose, but if anyone is willing to risk a dietary lark with flan (or its kissing custard cousin) then I'm pretty sure they don't give a good goddamn where the meat 'n' ball sauce came blasted forth from in the first place. So yeah, cum, it might just do a body good! Or at the very least make an excellent emollient.

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Suddenly thirsty? Quench your thirst with jackass number two!

* Yes, technically my boys no longer swim, as a few of you will no doubt recall, but the liquid still shoots ... just doesn't score. Win-win!

(Photo of Danger Ehren by Sean Cliver; Photo of Chris Pontius by Dimitry Elyashkevich)

Comments

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All the articles on this blog are surprisingly funny and well written. Keep up the good work!

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Greasy. Thanks!

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dude, you gotta stop posting links to "what is a vasectomy" :P scarring kids since '08!

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Fitting since I just watched Jackass 2 yesterday. Ah, memories :)

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That little semen-string really makes the picture.

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Every time I see Ehren with his pube plastered face I just think to myself Awwwww!

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