dickhouse

the pink umbrella

In last Friday's whoring the merchandise post (get your Dickhouse T-shirts here!), I invited you to tickle the pink. Well, not entirely true... I was actually trying to get you to stroke your credit card and cradle the global economy this holiday season. Today, however, I'm just inviting you to look at the pink and appreciate it for all its colorful contributions to our world. Once you've had your fill of Barry, Shanna, Guch, and Lindsey bathed in Jeff Tremaine's favorite color of choice, I'd like to direct your attention to the lone figure in the background. Who is that sunglass-masked man? Why, it's none other than Stranger Ehren! Yeah, for whatever reason he decided to be outstandingly stand-offish in the stands that day (for point of reference this was taken on the day Johnny Knoxville met the professional end of Jared Allen head-fucking-on while filming for jackass 3D). Maybe for fear of catching a surprise Rocky upside the head, I don't know. We all have our moments though. Especially when it comes to struggling to swim for survival in a sea of big, beautiful, buoyant dicks—oh ye-e-a-ah.*

* Best when read in your head in a creepy Kool-Aid man voice.

(Photo by Cordell Mansfield; Winnetka, California 2010)

happy birthday to danger ehren!

He fell for the soup! Two years later that still makes me giggle. I'm actually surprised Danger Ehren doesn't now have some extreme neuroses about walking around blind corners or, at the very least, conniptive fits when asked if he'd like soup or salad with a meal. Hell, if I was him, I don't even know if I could pull it together to work up the nerve to blow out candles on a birthday cake for fear they would go KABOOM and ALL THAT. Then again, that's mostly me projecting my own hyper-awareness and paranoiac mistrust of anyone and anything related to my friends—especially when/if any abnormal act of kindness is involved. All I can say is, thank god Ehren doesn't have my issues or he might never have fallen for the soup. Happy Birthday, Ehren!

(Photos by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2010)

big brother arc welder poo muffin: johnny knoxville

Several years ago we started filming for an as of yet unrealized video "memoir" of sorts related to our dearly departed Big Brother skateboard magazine. We interviewed scads of industry insiders then—everyone from washed-up pros and company kingpins to all of its former staff members—about its twelve year run of scat, cats, and skateboarding, including one of its former freelance writers and video contributors: Johnny Knoxville United States of America. Maybe you've heard of him? Word on the streets he went on to do some real professional shit in Hollywood ... which would greatly explain this accomplished reel of outtakes from our one and only session with him in 2009.

consider yourself merlerted: FDR american badass!

From the man who brought you such unseemly yet seemingly innocuous innuendos as "surprise sex" comes... Nazi werewolves! Yes, our good friend Jesse Merlin recently starred in FDR: American Badass alongside Barry Bostwick, Kevin Sorbo, Lin Shaye, Ray Wise, and a host of other genre stars. Check out the trailer below, which is best described as a "throwback to the original 1966 Batman movie" where "FDR rides a 'wheelchair of death' to stop the world from werewolves who carry the polio virus" and includes "werewolf versions of Hitler, Mussolini, and Emperor Hirohito." Banzai! Awoooo! And all that.

And if that tickled your feature fancy, they're currenty raising funds for the next feature Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves, where Jesse would once again star alongside Sorbo and Bostwick. You can peruse the preview video here on Kickstarter: Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves

the king of lizards v. the king of cameramen

One of many ingredients that made Wildboyz one of the greatest nature programs to ever be shaked, baked, and documented in the history of mankind was the camera work of Mark Rackley. Yes, there was a very good reason we often referred to him as the gnarliest camera dude on Earth. Call it his signature move, his standard operational procedure, or what other game-changing conglomerate of buzzwords have you, but when it comes to the wild kingdom Rack is the fearless man you want with a camera in hand to put the hot man-on-animal action right in your fucking face. Here, on the Indonesian isle of Komodo, he happily situates himself right in the Varanus komodoensis mix with little to no regard what could possibly happen to his own anus should one of them have circled back and gotten ahold of it in their bacteria-ridden mouth of monitor teeth. Make no mistake: these mothers can move. And fast. Not like velociraptor fast, but still quick enough to provoke an involuntary stain in your knickers.

tickle the pink friday at dickhouse

Remember the first time you sat down to watch jackass number two and were first suddenly swallowed part, parcel, and package by a great gay gaping maw of rainbows and butterflies? The opening sound effect was what really made that moment special, I think, but admittedly my tendencies do run to the hills screaming for vengeance on queer metal moments. Anyway, while the rest of the world goes black barking mad this Friday, you can bask in the moist warmth that is nothing but pink here at Dickhouse. So run along now and grab one of those neat plastic cards in mom's purse or dad's wallet and let them know you care this Christmastime. Believe me, more family memories have been made watching the poo we've extruded throughout the years than any other boring holiday special to have ever been created in the history of the world. Seriously, like any angel ever received its wings when a bell rang*. What nonsense!

World Famous Dickhouse Apparel

Everyone needs to cover their body with something, right? Well, some people I wish wouldn't cover their body, but then on the other hand I'm glad so many other people do. So to make it all democratic and shit we've got an assortment of torso sheaths to do just the cover up job. With rainbows. And if that wasn't statement maker material enough, we've got the word "dickhouse" in Helvetica Bold just beneath. I mean, Dorothy Gale only wishes a big house of dicks was the one that come down from the skies above to nail the Wicked Witch of the East to the flatlands of Oz! Own one if not more today: merchmethod.com/dickhouse

 

ESPN Films 30 for 30: The Birth of Big Air

Lacking inspiration in life? Look no further than this truly heartfelt production presenting the high-flying life and times of BMX legend Mat Hoffman. Throughout his career, Mat ignored conventional limitations; instead focusing his efforts on the purity of the sport and the pursuit of "what's next." His motivations stem purely from his own ambitions, and even without endorsements, cameras, fame, and fans, Mat would still would be working to push the boundaries of gravity. Spike Jonze and Johnny Knoxville, along with director Jeff Tremaine, showcase the inner workings and exploits of the man who gave birth to "Big Air." (By the way, no true jackass fan's collection is complete without the jackass presents Mat Hoffman's Tribute to Evel Knievel DVD, in which Johnny Knoxville's urethra met its bloody match in the handlebar of a motocross bike.)

 

jackass: the lost tapes

In the online downtime between jackass 2.5 and jackass 3D, we scraped the bottom of the television tape archives and came up with all sorts of segments that went "missing" and never made it onto the jackass DVD box set. The “Self Defense Test,” “Stun Collar,” “Unicycle Poo Barf,” “Fast Food Football,” “Roller Jump,” and “Satan vs. God” (in its original long ass-kicking form!) are just some of the absurd gold that what was once lost but now is found, not to mention all the original jackass show opens and credit/outtake montages. But wait ... there's more! In addition to all the MIA television clips there's loads of bonus never-before-seen footage, including this really special moment when Dimitry Elyashkevich picked a booger from his Russian nostrils and delicately placed it on Sleep-O's mouth—and now it can be yours! Pressed, packaged, produced and preserved for dumb digital eternity.

 

jackass unrated 3-pack

It's hard to believe, but yes, we've been kicking, screaming, laughing and pooping for the past 12 years now. Wow ... when put like that it really sounds like a run of the mill description for any mental patient confined to life in a lunatic asylum circa the early 1900s. Anyway, I think this means we've jumped from one generation to the next—much like the Ebola virus jumping from monkeys to humans in Africa—and in the process picked up a whole slew of newcomers to the world of jackass. For these people there now exists this DVD 3-pack of unrated wonders to behold, cherish and share with loved ones throughout the years. Suck it, Capra!

 

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

What can I say about the Wild Whites that hasn't been said before? I'm sure there's something of course, but my brain is slowly but surely bowing to the fact it is 3:00am and my stomach is still grinding away the football-sized plate of Thanksgiving food I ingested earlier in the evening. In short, baby's tired and I would happily let anyone put me in a corner just so I could go to sleep and dream a little digestive dream. Yep, there goes the attention span. Oh well. But regardless of whether you're familiar with the cult classic footwork of Jesco White or not, this documentary is sure to open your eyes, drop your jaw and expose you to what director Julien Nitzberg hails as "a portrait of America's last outlaw family."

 

* Okay, except for that time on Beverly Hills 90210 when Clarence helped Miriam out and did that whole cosmic bus collision intervention. That one I totally buy 100-percent.

add a little nitro to your thanksgiving

Chances are you are either eating crow, talking turkey, or choking a chicken within your respective households at this very moment—none of which are relegated to residents of the U.S.A. today, mind you, so don't even think of playing that global "waaaaaaah" card. Everything is open to interpretation and need not be hot-boxed and stuffed into the fowl ass of a honey-glazed holiday carcass. So, with that in and out of mind, let's all give thanks to the Nitro Circus crew for giving it their all last year and turning an MIA third season into a full-length feature movie ... that you can now own on DVD and Blu-Ray! That's right, just click any of those colored words and be whisked away to a glorious land of commerce where you can celebrate capitalism at its very finest for nail bitin', ass clenchin' entertainment. America—fuck yeah!

If only the pilgrims could see the fruits of what their invasive seeds sowed centuries ago, right? Good thing for you second and third helpings can still be had with Nitro Circus Season 1 and Nitro Circus Season 2 on DVD, too.

(Photos by Sean Cliver; Utah 2009)

jackassworld flashback: the depends party

Dozens of deeds were dirtily done by the denizens of the jackassworld.rip hole that were probably best unknown to the world at large but still broadcast in full unexpurgated live glory. Looking back now it's almost unfathomable that such an office could exist without some kind of cult-like tragedy bookending its infantile span of just under two years, but the mental fallout still remains and haunts our memories to this day. Like the vision of Danger Ehren loudly and proudly wetting himself during Rick Kosick's weekly jackassworld live show and then crowing about the warmth of his diaper ... Shanna strutting on in with her diaper pride at only half-mast (sorry, but she refused to pee and how can it be a pee-pee party if you're not going to unleash the pee!) ... and a host of other moderately hot dudes precariously straddling that peak of their mid-life lives with nothing but socks, shirts, and diapers to show for a then professional career in Hollywood (fortunately most of the pounds have only since been packed on, thereby sparing you a truly grueling sight). God we would've made Ed Wood proud—possibly even jealous!

big brother ass wax crack hash: the cereal box

All killer, no filler! Verily, no truth was more true to be told. The infamous Big Brother "cereal box" that contained* Issue #6, circa 1993, not only killed it with the mag's legions of fans, but succeeded in tanking any profits for years to come—well, let's just say ever, because the one thing the magazine never did while under its original ownership was rub out any amount of black in the accounting books. It was nothing but a blood red fiscal money pit from the get-go, but not all success can be measured in dollars and cents, which is a very good thing, because there was so little sense behind this rag and how it was run that anyone with a DeVry business degree would've pulled the plug long before any youth in Asia could've staged a right to life rally. Fortunately, we were allowed to beat the accounting books black-and-blue for a few more years after this issue, enabling us to be painted up in a rosey glow and sold off like snake oil to LFP, Inc. in 1997. Otherwise, who knows where we'd all be now... but it wouldn't surprise me if it involved something to do with supersizing or plastic v. paper bags.

* The "assorted goodies" supplied by advertisers included a Shorty's nut/bolt combo, a Foundation condom, stickers, and some other packaging peanut crap. One day in the warehouse, however, soon after the boxes were prepped and stuffed for distribution to subscribers, Publisher and OG Emperor Steve Rocco stuck a few random bills into the boxes, possibly even one with a denomination of 100 bucks! I always wondered who received that box in the end, but if I had to go out on a short limb and take an educated guess it was probably one of the shady shippers who filched it as soon as Rocco turned his back.

(Cover photo of former DVS mogul/pro skater Tim Gavin eating Sugar-Coated Penis Pops (with ants!) by Rick Kosick; 1993)

the burn... friendly fire with johnny knoxville

Well over two months ago now Johnny Knoxville appeared on Comedy Central's The Burn with roaster extraordinaire Jeff Ross. Maybe you'd seen it, maybe you didn't, or maybe I'm just taking a late flag on this video replay because I know how to suck it up like a man. Yeah, it's not often you get a wide open backfield handed to you like that, but that's just the kind of baller I am. An offensive tight end with a flair for post-game locker room towel snaps and no communicable diseases on the record books. Draft my ass, you fantasy bitches, and I'll see you in the showers*!

The Burn with Jeff Ross
Get More: Jokes,Jokes of the Day,Funny Jokes

* Sorry, just trying to find some way to get in the mood for all the post-Thanksgiving weekend fantasy falutin' that's going to be going down in the office come Monday morning... it's not easy being green.

photo of the day: dildo intake outtake

If there was one thing we were no strangers to during the filming of jackass 3 and jackass 3.5 it had to be the dildo. Well, not just one dildo, but a punishing plenitude of dildos—most all of which were employed in compressed air propelled situations. Johnny Knoxville claimed to have lost a tooth to one during the big-time explosive climax—which I believe qualifies them as legitimate Class C weapons—but we also lost a few filmed scenes here and there on account of a few assorted dildos that just didn't. This one, for instance, went the way of the cutting room floor (for reasons probably related to a lack of genuine spontaneity and jankiness that our first attempt at filming the "Dildo Bazooka" with Brandon Novak had in spades), but was really only filmed for Phantom's sake anyway. Still, it did make for a pretty picture with Bam's targeted tuchas and complementary penile projectile up against a sweet bluebird background.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; California 2010)

big brother fish wrap cum rag: dave england

In the years before shitting out his ass on jackass, Dave England was a globetrotting snowboard journalist. He worked on Big Brother's red-headed step-child Blunt Magazine, but we often crossed streams in that close knit familial way. Like, this one time in Sweden (or one of those other Alpine regions akin to white skin, black metal, and colorful diacriticals), Dimitry encountered Dave at some extreme sports skate/snow clusterfuckfest. Or was it Darf he ran into? No, it had to have been Dave post-Darf, seeing as he's already sporting the black-and-blown-out eye that Darf had acquired the night before (I want to say this came courtesy of an Aussie Pappas brother whom Darf had annoyed to the point where it was finally necessary for them to let their fist go on an orbital walkabout). 

This wouldn't be the first time Darf sustained a blow, of course; in fact, perhaps this very same year as the photo above, Rick Kosick took Darf's head to town on the floor of a hotel room during an ASR trade shitshow. Darf's reign of terror was finally put down in 2010 while filming for jackass 3—the full story of which can be seen in jackass 3.5—and never before had the words good-fucking-riddance meant so much to so many.

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; 1998)

canadian redneck training with andy bell

This video was originally made to help promote Andy Bell's fight against Jason Ellis at the Ellismania #8. I had finished the video right before the fight was about to happen and that's when Andy dropped out of the event. I was left hanging with no real reason to put it online, but now that some time has passed I thought, What the hell. Let's put this video out so the fans can at least watch it. It's better than sitting in my computer and, who knows, maybe it will inspire the rematch to happen after all! —Rick Kosick

blow, blow, blow it up, doll...

Every so often I'll go dumpster diving in the Wildboyz photo archive and it never fails to amaze me how many awesome, funny, random, ridiculous, breath-taking, and just plain disturbing scenes are quarantined there. Wildboyz wasn't your typical run of the Hollywood mill production by any stretch of the ballbag. It wasn't like you clocked in and clocked out of work. The crew that traveled together was very much like the Brady Bunch and their cousin Oliver on vacation—a very long vacation at times. For sake of reference, the trips to India and Indonesia were shot back-to-back on a month-long haul abroad through some very remote locales with numerous toy airplane flights and tin box van rides between, all of which created for those oh so special times that try men's souls. Anyone could've gone Col. Kurtz at any moment, but the band of brothers hung tough—even if the occasional stomach couldn't hang for whatever bacteria-riddled reason—and it was rare for a camera not to be poppin' at all hours of the day thanks to timely digital advances in technology. Consequently the photo archive much more resembles a family travel album as opposed to a key set of production photos and the documentation is indeed a sentimental tour de force. 

This photo, although it features none of the actual cast and crew, still manages to capture the magic of Wildboyz and how it touched so many humans in ways that the First World never had before and may never ever again. Unless... no, I dare not dream the dream that so many of us have had since the Wildboyz last signed off in 2005. So I shall keep a stiff upper lip and continue to present these precious moments to you in memory of what was truly the greatest show on earth. WBZ, hear me!

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; Brazil 2004)

photo ridiculousness with shanna

Over the years, starfucking has come to mean so many different things to so many different people. I mean, once upon a time it was the seek 'n' destroy act that is everything it sounds like. Then there came the more innocuous form where the lens did all the dirty work for just a quick pose and second of time. Now there's an even weirder "social" twist, a la Twitter, where its users use stars as a way of denoting their love and appreciation for a respective person's tweets—and when the stars become ridiculously rampant regardless of tweet quality, well, that's now considered to be a sure sign of "starfucking a Twitter crush"*. 

Top row: Wiz Khalifa; Preston Lacy and Wee Man; Quentin "Rampage" Jackson; Middle row: Street Bike Tommy; Floyd "Money" Mayweather; Miss Jackson; The Bella Twins "Diva Champ" belt; Bottom row: Duff Goldman; Justin Bieber; Ed Sheerhan; Seann William Scott.

Anyway, Shanna, our resident Madame Producer, is a classic second stage butterfly collector. It's a harmless addiction, to be sure, and one that can only make for a nifty wall of memories later on in life—especially if Alzheimer's comes a calling. That, I think, would make for many an interesting Groundhog-esque Day, where elderly, addled Shanna wakes up to a great wall of "what the heck?" each and every morning, struggling to reassemble the puzzling visual pieces of her life. Were they friends? Are they family? Was I an ambassador to the United Nations? Why is that large man forcing my head into a black emperor scorpicake? Am I really knee high to a grasshopper? Oh, the foggy fun she will have!

Or, who knows, maybe she'll still have her copy of Ridiculousness Season 2 on DVD, in which case she'll only have to first remember what a DVD is to lace it all up and tie her life tight. Pre-order yours today and fight the future fugue!

* Jesus H. Jumping Christ on a Hallowed Crutch, what a ridiculously stupid world it is in which we live.