dickhouse

the future is here... and the future is hard!

Not to gangbang a meme, but thanks to the good folks at NASA cock graffiti has launched to a whole new planetary level. Case in celestial point, this sweet penis drawn by one of NASA's two Rover modules tooling about on the surface of Mars. Part of me wonders if the red planet couldn't look any angrier than with this full-blown rager, but another part reflects on the time we sent our own probe to Uranus—well, Bam Margera's anus to be wholly specific.

Should the launch above look significantly different than what you may remember from jackass 3.5, that's because this was our first imperfect emission at delivering a payload into Bam's heavenly body. Apparently there was not enough forward thrust to penetrate his assmosphere, so it was back to the drawing board for a few weeks until a little more oomph could be packed into our pocket rockets. Even then we still had our fair share of limp-shipped misfires, but I hear that happens to every exploration unit at one time or another.

Prefer moon to poon? Have your sights set on Mianus? Explore the sea of tranquility that is not jackass 3.5 on Blu-ray!

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that magic moment

When Neil Armstrong said, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," I totally know where he was coming from. We felt that exact same worldly sentiment when we boldly embraced the concept of a third dimension and went to the outer limits of our imagination with Will the Farter to plant this flag in cinema history. You know, kind of like how ol' fumble thumbs Moses went up on Mt. Sinai and came back down with the 15 Commandments etched on stone tablets, only we did it with a paltry party favor and a multi-thousand dollar RED camera rig. However, unlike Moses and his second act Exodus, ours was an out of the gate Genesis for jackass 3D in that not only was it the very first thing filmed for the movie, but the first segment in the final feature as well—excluding the opening credits sequence, of course, which was a whole other level of dumb-cum-dimensional pioneering. And, lest you think I dropped a dab of semen back there, think again, because that was nothing short of pure Latin love!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)

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happy earth day from the wildboyz

Brevity is a bowl of shit, as Shakespeare once famously said, so today's post is a shout out of photographic big ups and mad props to the Earth. Why? Because any fan of the Wildboyz knows we're all about ecological conversation conservation. Good job, Earth!

Love planting trees for Jesus? Like seeing moderately grown men pee? Pick up Season 1, Season 2, and the collected Seasons 3 & 4 of Wildboyz on DVD today!

(Photos by Dimitry Elyashkevich, Jeff Tremaine and Cordell Mansfield)

johnny knoxville + rick kosick = the rixty-nine

People often say our office must be an awesomely fun place to work, and you know what? It is! It really is the fuckin' best. A true life "Island of the Misfit Toys" meets "Pleasure Island" in most every cartoonish way possible. Every so often though, one does have to pay the price for living this "professional" dream and today was the day that Rick Kosick's number came up as Johnny Knoxville went down in a position that has since been coined the "Rixty-Nine". Just another gust of breaking wind in the days of our Dickhouse lives!

(Photos by Jeff Tremaine; 2013)

emollient substitution is a disputed act of love

Just when you want to give the world in general the benefit of the doubt, news stories such as this dot the Interweb in abundance on a daily basis. And by "this" I mean the tale of a love/dumbstruck Chinese man, Gou, who expelled and expressed his raw emotions in a mistakenly emollient manner. Allegedly, the poor recipient of his bottled affection, Zeng, applied a good portion of Gou's goo to her face before realizing the "moisturizer" was not what it seemed until the odd smell was confirmed by a friend. Eww, dude.

Now I don't know about you, but this certainly reminds me of the time Johnny Knoxville fell victim to a very similar semen-substitution when his cumscreen—I mean, sunscreen was lovingly spiked by Bam Margera and Ryan Dunn while filming for jackass 3 and 3.5. The prank wasn't revealed until it was shown as a bonus feature at the tail end of a "friends and family" screening of jackass 3D prior to the film's official premiere, so we were all fortunate in that Knoxville's sense of smell wasn't so keen as Zeng's and he was routinely slathering what was essentially bubbly, ropy loads of horse semen to his face for many laughable months. Ne-e-e-i-i-ghsty!

Short on brain matter and need your online batter spoonfed? Enjoy a good April fool? Here you go:

http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/articles/442808/20130306/china-zeng-lin-mistakes-bottle-sperm-admirier.htm

(This photo, taken by Rick Kosick in Argentina, circa 2005, was actually from a Wildboyz shoot and had nothing whatsoever to do with the later horse cum prank in 2010; however, it is funny to see Knoxville on the receiving end of something he wanted nothing to do with, only to later apply it to his face on a daily basis. The power of portent!)

photo of the day: wee man and preston lacy

There are few places words cannot go. They are the great descriptive communicators and articulators of the world around us, but there are times, I find, when they should take a back seat to allow the image or artwork do all the interpretive work. An Instagram-ish argument could be made for that case (except for you photo-foodists... my jury is still well hung on that pursuit); however, I'm not so sure this is one such insta-occasion, because far too much is left in the air to hang like a pair of extra-elongated testicles on a dead calm Kansas day.

So what really is going on here? Well, it all started out on our last* day of principal shooting for jackass 3D. While the lap pool was being prepped for Johnny Knoxville to jet ski up, up and awry, Jeff Tremaine and Rick Kosick were running around filming behind-the-scenes interviews with the various cast for filler content on the official movie website. During one such Q&A conducted with Wee Man and Preston Lacy, I believe there was ye olde perennial banter about Tremaine being the ultimate used car salesman and how he can pretty much get anyone to do anything—even if it's against their better wishes or judgment, which, of course, brings us to this photo, where money finally did the talking to make Wee Man do the licking. To up the gag factor (just in case you needed such a thing) just know that it was sunny and warm in Malibu that day, which surely made Preston's custom Danger Ehren tramp stamp that much more salty and moist to the taste.

* The word "last" is always such a nebulous term when it comes to our filming run, because there are the inevitable days we'll need to accommodate for pick-ups, last minute flashes of brilliance, mega-budget re-shoots, and Knoxville's penchant for running into street signs.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Malibu, California 2010)

 

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No matter how many times I've typed out Dimitry Elyashkevich's name over the years—and believe me, I've done it a lot, ever since we first crossed semi-professional paths back in 1995—I always have to look once, look twice, then look again just for good measure to make sure I've spelled it correctly*. Well, one part of me always wants to type Eyelashbitch, so that's the real reason I have to double-check myself. Here, however, it's like, "Check out his eyelashes, bitch!" but looks can be just as deceiving as falling asleep in the office is stupid, both of which are clearly delineated in the video below from this past Sunday's big-time ratings' sweepering episode of Loiter Squad.

* I'd just like to point out that I am not responsible for the butchering of our favorite Russian's name on the video title above. I mean, despite what I may say at other times, this is definitely not "all me".

jackassworld flashback: not with the program

If you remember our last "getting with the program" flashback from jackassworld.rip, Rick Kosick appeared to be onboard and hip to the fact who shined his penny on a daily basis. Many, many months later, however, the tables (and our minds) had all flipped out and another stellar moment in the day-to-day (sur)realties of our ridiculous professional lives was missed out on—well, at least on a televised scale. The clip itself was miraculously caught by Dimitry (I say "miraculous" because he was rarely if ever actually found in our office environment) and delivered on a silver plate to our online audience, but it was just that and only that and it wildly fluxtuated between 8,000–20,000 site visits a day. Some of those people are still found here today, and to those people I say, "Suck it!" In a good way, of course.

If you ever get a misty dew drop in your eye—not one of those icky goo drops, mind you—some of what was lost online can sort of still be found in digital putty on the jackass: the lost tapes DVD bonus features.

on this day in jackass history...

Actually, today's not the day. It's tomorrow. But what is history if it's not meant to be rewritten? Especially on the Interweb. So let's let us be the first to fudge the details since it's been a goddamn what, five years now? I swear, where does the time go, but before I wax any more rhetorical here are the brass tax* of what I'm trying to get around to talking about: the jackassworld 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in New York City—Times Square, to be epicentrically precise. There were spillovers in and around the vicinity with a slight poke into Mianus, but for the most part it was all about 43rd and Broadway. Since all the recorded footage from said event has since been filed in the "Where is it now?" bin, your best bet is to remininsce here for lots more photos from our slumber party, but all good junkies know where to score a quick fix like the clip below. Just let your fingers do the walkin' so I can quit talkin', alright?

* The kissing cousin to Wee Man's infamous "French benefits".

(Photos by Sean Cliver; New York City, NY 2008)

photo of the day: a wildboyz cameramen exposé

You've all heard the one about giving a room full of chimpanzees typewriters and the odds that one of 'em will pop out the next great American novel (which isn't saying much these days but I'd sure damn love it if Samuel Clemens were around to chime in his two cents on all our pop-culture nonsense), right? Well, try this one of for size: If you give macaque a camera it's bound to film one of the greatest TV shows of all-time—Wildboyz. So much monkeying around went into this show behind-the-scenes that it's a damn wonder anything ever came back from the exotic field. But it did, and it was cut, and it was good. Damn good. And if you don't believe me then you've never given it the full measure of your monkey-ass attention span. Now's as good as time as any to get with the program while it can still be got, so check out Wildboyz Season 1, Season 2, and Seasons 3 & 4 on DVD or down to the load. All unabashed whoring aside, how awesome is it that there's a temple to macaque in Thailand?

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raiders of the archives, featuring rick kosick: pt. 1

Today we're reaching around from behind, as always, and sticking our online hand in the front pocket of Skateboarder Magazine to filch this first installment of Rick Kosick's "Raiders of the Archives" feature. You may remember the last time we did this when Jeff Tremaine's number came up (you can see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of Tremaine's archives by simply doing the hyper clicky thing where applicable, assuming, of course, you don't need me to hold your hand any further down the intuitive lane); or, maybe not, in which case I recommend supplementing your diet with some ginkgo biloba. Me, I'm all about the B12 right now, which I've found to be a real kick in the pants to my nervous system and metabolism. I'm also considering the addition of zinc and lecithin to this morning regimen, because I read on the Interweb—the source of all things good and true—that it can increase production of ejaculate, but that's a stupid story for another dumb day. For now, let's check out what Kosick's been hoarding throughout the years...

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In this momentary day of calm before the MTV Mancation Weekend wölfblitzerscheissen, let us remember those who fell alongside of us on this ridiculous journey we've had the pleasure of calling gainful professional employment, a/k/a work. First and foremost in this instance being Jumpin' Joe Moraldi, who motored up, up and awry, way, way behind our scenes once upon a time. Take it away, Joe!

an mtv "mancation" pre-show announcement

This coming Friday and Saturday, MTV is going back to the staple boy basics in what is being called the "Mancation Weekend". Only reason I make mention of this is that jackass is going to be a main ingredient in their manscaping with airings of jackass the movie on Friday at 10pm EST and jackass 3.5 on Saturday at 10pm EST, both of which will be followed by a chunk of original jackass episodes from our salad days. If you want to get interactive about it all, the jackassworld Twitter feed will be alive with the sound of poo and more or less live tweeting along with the EST air times of both features on Friday and Saturday. The online elves of MTV will also be culling the fields of Twitter for any tweets relating to jackass with the #mancation hash to post on-screen during the broadcasts.

Dumb fittingly, the above photo is from neither of the features, nor the TV show, but rather jackass number two. But if you're gonna talk bros and bowls, well, this sums it all up for me in 1000 visual words or less.

(Photo by Benzo; New Orleans, LA 2006)

photo of the day: johnny knoxville

I've never been one to run with the herd. Believe me, I'd much rather throw up than throw back on a Thursday, but, damn it, the memories just make me want to go back there—there in this photographic instance being the big time stage space we occupied on the Paramount Pictures lot in 2006 while shooting the choreographed close to jackass number two. Unfortunately, the memories are also what now escape me as I try to recall when and if we ever disclosed the deleted clip/scene on DVD where we'd employed a pair of female contortionists to appear within the opening dance number that closed with airborne dangers Wee Man and Preston Lacy (Happy New Years!). I mean, I remember watching the clip in the editing bay ... and I believe there was a bit of a "blooper" involved ... so maybe it did get tacked on as a bonus blip? I don't know. Currently it beats the bat flapping shit out of me, so I'll just leave Hamlet to figure out whether this scene was to be seen or not to be seen, and leave you with this behind-the-scenes and off-the-sound-stage shot of Johnny Knoxville cavorting for the camera with one of the happy-go-lucky contortionists. Rold Gold, anyone?

Don't forget to catch Knoxville tomorrow night as he debuts nationwide in theaters alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Last Stand!

(Photo by Benzo; Hollywood, California 2006)

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You know, it's just been one of those WOOF! weeks, so let's go out with a big bang that would make George Lemaître spatter a universe inside his knickers. What am I talking about? As if you even had to ask. Semi-straight out of the Monday gate you got a hot dose of #SHADLIFE, then you got a couple days of some boys looking like girls, and now ... now you get a full party platter of spicy sausage courtesy of some downtime spent on the Amazon with the WBZ. Yep, only at Dickhouse.tv can you have your beefcake and choke on it, too. Suck it, M. Antoinette!

Too many dudes to shake your stick at? Hang your brains like a cephalopod on Wildboyz Season 1, Season 2, and Seasons 3 & 4 on DVD.

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