dickhouse

photo of the day: jason jessee

Last Thursday was not "Bring A Legendary Pro Skateboarder To Work Day" at the Dickhouse offices, but that thankfully didn't stop Scott Manning from bringing by none other than Jason Jessee himself. I'm not sure who was more happy to be in this photo—Jason or us—but we made Manning take a bunch of shots on almost all of our cameras (and every single one was a tad soft, but I guess it's not fair to hate the player *cough* Scott *cough* when it just may be the iPhone game in the end). Keeping up our old Big Brother quotes tradition, Jason did have this to say about several of Scott's early photo attempts: "My knees are showing … it looks corny."

(Photo by Scott Manning; 2013)

a golden egg

Now this takes me back. Not to the future, but deep into the pages of our publishing past with Big Brother skateboard magazine. We always took great pride in presenting the sillier aspects of skateboarding—especially the people, pariahs, and personalities that went out on a non-conformist limb while going for creative broke—and the antics of Jesse James and Chris Atherton would surely have found and left a spot within the contents of Big Brother's underpants.

dimitry elyashkevich: heavy sleeper at large

No matter how many times I've typed out Dimitry Elyashkevich's name over the years—and believe me, I've done it a lot, ever since we first crossed semi-professional paths back in 1995—I always have to look once, look twice, then look again just for good measure to make sure I've spelled it correctly*. Well, one part of me always wants to type Eyelashbitch, so that's the real reason I have to double-check myself. Here, however, it's like, "Check out his eyelashes, bitch!" but looks can be just as deceiving as falling asleep in the office is stupid, both of which are clearly delineated in the video below from this past Sunday's big-time ratings' sweepering episode of Loiter Squad.

* I'd just like to point out that I am not responsible for the butchering of our favorite Russian's name on the video title above. I mean, despite what I may say at other times, this is definitely not "all me".

jackassworld flashback: the silly string incident

Thank god the Interweb is more or less forever. Yeah, sure, some things lost may never be found again, but every once in a while a good dingleberry manages to hold on for dear dried life. This day in jackassworld.rip history was a real gut buster (or at least my gut busted, which may have even caused some tinkle in my underpants), when Dave Carnie fell for the old Silly String™ on the desk prank courtesy of straight man Derek Freda—and by "straight" I mean somehow he was able to keep a poker face while setting up Dave for the full-frontal facial). 

jackassworld flashback: get with the program, pt. 1

Once upon a time there was a website that could have been a TV show on par with any other dickhead "reality" program offered by the networks. The ingredients were all there: volatile personalities, dysfunctional camaraderie, professional immaturity, Playskool™ paint schemes, flea infestations, asbestos, and a perverse lack of windows to an outside world. What could have been, however, was never exploited. Instead it all went straight to an Interweb where no one can hear you scream above the million billion other odd uploads competing for your ADHD time of the day. And on this particular occasion there was indeed screaming to be heard. The screams of the damned in a ridiculous argument that easily and handily could have kicked the tragicomedy tuchas of any televised (scripted) reality scene on that day of the month. But, thanks to the Interweb, we'll always have the echoes to listen to in those special times of sadistic glee and need... like now!

Enjoyed this trip down mammary lane? Prefer your areolas of dinner plate proportions? First suckle on this and then choke on the boob in full by Dave Carnie.

jackassworld flashback: the tape measure infomercial

It's not that time of the week, but that's not going to stop me from going back there. There being the purgatory of jackassworld.rip and all the nonsense that was never made sense of in the heat of the 2008 moment. Some of the best nonsense to come out of it all though was thanks in part to Dave Carnie. Expanding upon absurdities first seen in the pages of Big Brother skateboard magazine, e.g. the fake advertisement for a "Mumbling Elk" oddity, Carnie took your everyday run-of-the-mill household tape measure and made it a thing of iconic beauty to span the online ages. Doubt me, Thomas? See for yourself...

raiders of the archives, featuring rick kosick: pt. 2

Rarely do I go total green-eyed monster, but I do have to admit I'm a tad jealous of Rick Kosick's T-shirt collection. I used to own and wear almost all these shirts—well, at least those related to Big Brother—but now have only one or two at most. I've even lost my most beloved of hooded sweatshirts that had the awful Big Brother "Girl Logo" that was handwritten by former World Industries receptionist Nicole Moothart and include a dotted-heart "I". I guess I'd just taken all the free clothing for granted over the years and passed them on or thrown them out in the inconsequential manner in which they came. Still, my heart of darkness aches for the days when I was once able to reach into my closet and pull out my "Jay's Mom Got Hit in the Face with a Penis" or "Starbucks Fuck Off" T-shirt for a quick run to the grocery store. Apparently morality, much like free clothing, can be just as easily discarded from one's life. Wahoo!

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raiders of the archives, featuring rick kosick: pt. 1

Today we're reaching around from behind, as always, and sticking our online hand in the front pocket of Skateboarder Magazine to filch this first installment of Rick Kosick's "Raiders of the Archives" feature. You may remember the last time we did this when Jeff Tremaine's number came up (you can see Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 of Tremaine's archives by simply doing the hyper clicky thing where applicable, assuming, of course, you don't need me to hold your hand any further down the intuitive lane); or, maybe not, in which case I recommend supplementing your diet with some ginkgo biloba. Me, I'm all about the B12 right now, which I've found to be a real kick in the pants to my nervous system and metabolism. I'm also considering the addition of zinc and lecithin to this morning regimen, because I read on the Interweb—the source of all things good and true—that it can increase production of ejaculate, but that's a stupid story for another dumb day. For now, let's check out what Kosick's been hoarding throughout the years...

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big brother snow globe fern fart: weedolph

Does everyone here remember the time Weedolph assisted Olde St. Knoxville in urban sledding about the Greater L.A. Basin on the very first (and only) jackass Christmas special in December 2000? Man, talk about a horse shit selection of punkified holiday tunes we used there. Oh well, 'twas the shitty season, I suppose. Anyway, that wasn't the first time we threw Wee Man in a reindeer costume for festive shits 'n' giggles. A few years earlier, circa 1998, we'd done the very same thing to have him hawk $19.95 year subscriptions to Big Brother skateboard magazine as its unofficial spokesmodel. The real deal here of course was the HUSTLER-style Big Brother logo T-shirt—the perks of having the one and only Larry Flynt as your boss.

Disclaimer: Jeff Tremaine was the Art Director on Big Brother, and even though he committed the occasional graphic crime he cannot be held accountable for all the poor design going on with this sub ad. The reason for this being that soon after being admitted to the LFP, Inc. stable of publications in 1997, we lost control of our sub ads to a tyrannical subscriptions department that claimed to know better on all marketing/design fronts. Knowing when to pick a battle is an important skill to have in life, and with so many other more important pages going on in the magazine we eventually just let them have their shitty way with it. We would supply an image and occasional pertinent copy, but then grin and bear it as they bruised our sensitive art pussies with random oval rules, mixed fonts, and squiggly T-shirt renditions.

big brother arc welder poo muffin: johnny knoxville

Several years ago we started filming for an as of yet unrealized video "memoir" of sorts related to our dearly departed Big Brother skateboard magazine. We interviewed scads of industry insiders then—everyone from washed-up pros and company kingpins to all of its former staff members—about its twelve year run of scat, cats, and skateboarding, including one of its former freelance writers and video contributors: Johnny Knoxville United States of America. Maybe you've heard of him? Word on the streets he went on to do some real professional shit in Hollywood ... which would greatly explain this accomplished reel of outtakes from our one and only session with him in 2009.

big brother ass wax crack hash: the cereal box

All killer, no filler! Verily, no truth was more true to be told. The infamous Big Brother "cereal box" that contained* Issue #6, circa 1993, not only killed it with the mag's legions of fans, but succeeded in tanking any profits for years to come—well, let's just say ever, because the one thing the magazine never did while under its original ownership was rub out any amount of black in the accounting books. It was nothing but a blood red fiscal money pit from the get-go, but not all success can be measured in dollars and cents, which is a very good thing, because there was so little sense behind this rag and how it was run that anyone with a DeVry business degree would've pulled the plug long before any youth in Asia could've staged a right to life rally. Fortunately, we were allowed to beat the accounting books black-and-blue for a few more years after this issue, enabling us to be painted up in a rosey glow and sold off like snake oil to LFP, Inc. in 1997. Otherwise, who knows where we'd all be now... but it wouldn't surprise me if it involved something to do with supersizing or plastic v. paper bags.

* The "assorted goodies" supplied by advertisers included a Shorty's nut/bolt combo, a Foundation condom, stickers, and some other packaging peanut crap. One day in the warehouse, however, soon after the boxes were prepped and stuffed for distribution to subscribers, Publisher and OG Emperor Steve Rocco stuck a few random bills into the boxes, possibly even one with a denomination of 100 bucks! I always wondered who received that box in the end, but if I had to go out on a short limb and take an educated guess it was probably one of the shady shippers who filched it as soon as Rocco turned his back.

(Cover photo of former DVS mogul/pro skater Tim Gavin eating Sugar-Coated Penis Pops (with ants!) by Rick Kosick; 1993)

big brother fish wrap cum rag: dave england

In the years before shitting out his ass on jackass, Dave England was a globetrotting snowboard journalist. He worked on Big Brother's red-headed step-child Blunt Magazine, but we often crossed streams in that close knit familial way. Like, this one time in Sweden (or one of those other Alpine regions akin to white skin, black metal, and colorful diacriticals), Dimitry encountered Dave at some extreme sports skate/snow clusterfuckfest. Or was it Darf he ran into? No, it had to have been Dave post-Darf, seeing as he's already sporting the black-and-blown-out eye that Darf had acquired the night before (I want to say this came courtesy of an Aussie Pappas brother whom Darf had annoyed to the point where it was finally necessary for them to let their fist go on an orbital walkabout). 

This wouldn't be the first time Darf sustained a blow, of course; in fact, perhaps this very same year as the photo above, Rick Kosick took Darf's head to town on the floor of a hotel room during an ASR trade shitshow. Darf's reign of terror was finally put down in 2010 while filming for jackass 3—the full story of which can be seen in jackass 3.5—and never before had the words good-fucking-riddance meant so much to so many.

(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; 1998)

big brother carp pond arm crab: depends olympics

Wow, look at that pubic hair! This is what you call a real shit sandwich scan. Something you definitely would have seen in the early pages of Big Brother skateboard magazine—you know, just to give you an idea of the authenticity of work and strategic planning that goes on here at dickhouse.tv. No, I'm just hand-jiving you. None of that at all happens. All this is just good old fashioned seat of the pants and pissing in the wind. In actuality, this was just an FPO scan that was done for the jackass: 10 Years of Stupid book that is now long out of print and dust in the flatulent wind. Sure is nice to see a grown man in Depends™ lugging around a cross though, isn't it? That's how I wanted my good Friday to go out and I hope you did, too. Cheers!

big brother cat scratch ass flab: depends party

Let's travel back in time to 1995. It was a simpler time then with most every waking hour of ours spent in loving devotion to the pages of Big Brother skateboard magazine—although some unbelievers would probably say our actions were more masturbatory than worldly. I really can't deny such allegations, as this photo came from one such gross self-indulgence during a stop in Tampa, Florida, on our three week tour of the East Coast—the smatterings of which can be seen on shit, the very first Big Brother skateboard video—and was the culmination of Jeff Tremaine's dream of staging a "Depends Party" with Dave Carnie, Chris Pontius, Billy Pepper, and Kendra "I peed three times!" Gaeta. I forget the name of the hotel we'd stayed at, but if you've ever wondered what may have previously happened in a room you're checking into, perhaps you should wonder no more. Because grown ups piss themselves. They shit themselves. And they do it in diapers, all the while laughing, giggling, and filming each other. Hell, I almost have an inkling for a tinkling right now just thinking about it ... but no. I shall hold it in hopes of a brighter and more absorbent day, a day in which people of all race, color, creed, and age, regardless of continence, can wear diapers proudly and laugh loudly instead of hiding their nappies in shame. I have a dream!

(Photo by Rick Kosick; Tampa, Florida 1995)

last call: opening night of earl parker's photo show

Needless to say, working at Dickhouse could be perceived as one of the strangest jobs on the planet. But for this Canadian transplant, not only has it been the most positive work experience of my life, it was a chance to put the faces behind the names that I was partially raised by: the writers and photographers at Big Brother magazine with one of the highlights being getting to work alongside Earl Parker, Master Journalist, in the jackassworld.com offices. Earl worked quietly in his own corner, writing and cracking jokes under his breath, and of course smoking cigarettes. Late at night and on weekends it was just Earl and I for the most part; working and drinking coffee late into the Hollywood twilight.

After we stopped working at jackassworld, I'd see Earl in Hollywood a lot, walking around, shooting photos, and that was something I could really relate to. Not a lot of people walk in LA, and if you do you see a whole other side of the city that most people choose to ignore. But not Earl. He captures the beauty and reality of the people who work and call the "Walk of Fame" their commute, their stomping grounds, and sometimes even their home. It's the furthest thing from the red carpet you can get, but the most honest perception of the people that truly run this town, despite of stature, cameras, and lights. A real true Hollywood story.

I was glad Earl agreed to letting me curate this show. I can't wait to see what he sees over the coming years, and most importantly, read.

His show Pop Culture Sucks is open for two more weeks at the Burgundy Room Gallery (1621 1/2 Cahuenga Blvd., Hollywood, CA, 90028; open after 8pm). —LG

Photos left to right: Jeff Tremaine with some guy he worked the door with in Washington DC at some bar; Josh Lingenfelter stands in harm's way with Knoxville's oft-Photoshopped friend Bryce; four-fifths of the OG Big Brother magazine staff—Marc McKee, Tremaine, Earl Parker, and Rick Kosick—with johnny-come-lately Knoxville.

Photos from left to right: A thumbs up from Tony Hawk, a former "washed-up" skater from the pages of Big Brother magazine in 1993; Naomi and Knoxville; Rose and blue periods ... check.

Photos clockwise from upper left: B.A. Backassus; Yeti Beats and Squeak E. Clean, upbeat as usual; Street Bike Tommy points out the ärt in the art; could Erik Roner possibly be pondering a tramp stamp cover up with a photo of Earl's?

Photos from left to right: The women from Venus and the men from Mars, Dimitry Elyashkevich and Chris Casey; A self portrait of the artist as a middle-aged man; former Big Brother editor McKee and former Big Brother scan boy Bret Banta steep in the burgundy aura.

P.S. Thanks to Knoxville and Tremaine for making this possible, and thanks also to Sean garrison and Kate Power—without your help I'd be still crying in a corner. 

(Photos by Johnny Knoxville, Rick Kosick and Ryan Rich; Hollywood, California 2012)