While out to dinner the other night with Knoxville, Dimitry, and Amanda, we decided to have a vagina drawing contest. I know, sounds weird, seems all we like to do is focus on the male genitalia, e.g. dicks, balls, and such, but earlier circumstances dictated otherwise and Knoxville decided to put us all to the illustrated test—primarily myself, as I'd somewhat botched a drawing of a vagina the night before. I have my excuses, good ones, I think, but no one had their listening ears on and didn't give two shits what I had to say in defense, so we each received a small piece of paper and pen and went to work on a leveled playing field.
Needless to say the results speak for themselves, but I'm an admittedly biased dick. So, with that in mind and starting at top left, we have Amanda's "interpretation" of a vagina. Though she has one of her own, you really couldn't tell it from the drawing, which Knoxville went on to aptly describe as a "desiccated apricot" (I would've given her the benefit of a halved dwarf papaya, but to each their own in describing crude renditions of spoiled fruit). Next up, at top right, we have Knoxville's entry—a classic bush and navel scenario, and, I have to concede, one of Knoxville's truly better scrawlings (you'll have to trust me in this as I've witnessed a number of his painstaking efforts over the years—he was so proud he even signed it!). Bottom right is mine, where I believe to have redeemed myself from the prior night's fiasco (which just so happened to unfortunately take place on a poor girl's upper arm), and yes, I do pay attention to the details, as witnessed by the inclusion of the perineum and other lady bits; However, Dimitry and Knoxville both accused and/or dismissed me of going home and doing some online studying, but you know what? They can go fuck themselves. Anyway, Dimitry's is the last at bottom left and it does nothing but underscore his Russian heritage. It's wild, it's wooly, it's 100-percent baBUSHka to the '70s tee.
But there you have it: the results of the 2013 Dickhouse Vagina Drawing Contest, which ended in a hotly contested debate that no doubt annoyed several other restaurant patrons. Tomorrow, rest assured, we'll return to our regularly scheduled parade of dicks.
(Photo by Johnny Knoxville; 2013)