dickhouse

tonight it's jackass 3 on the mtv!

So you've seen the dementia dimensionally, now see it lay pipe on cable. Tonight at 10/9 C the MTV will be premiering jackass 3 in whatever capacity can be done for the first time ever during the course of its latest #MANCATION weekend. We won't be officially tweeting it up live along with the broadcast, but the MTV is running some other kind of promotion where you'll have the opportunity to win random shit for correctly guessing how many nuts get kicked in the course of the #MANCATION event (and if you haven't guessed it by now it's real important to use that hashtag or you ain't gonna have a corn kernel's chance in Dave England's rectal hell of winning jack shit).

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Burbank, California 2010)

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Generally speaking we are upstanding law-abiding citizens, give or take what happens behind closed doors in the neighborhood of Sunset and Gower on occasion, but it would appear we really stepped across the thin blue line during the run of the late great jackass TV show when Danger Ehren donned a pink tutu and pranced hard—so hard—around the streets of Portland, Oregon, bestowing quarters upon those parked souls in need of a helping hand. Little did we know this was actually a heinous crime on par with certain forms of manslaughter and, perhaps, human organ trafficking on the black market, but you're going to have to take into account I don't know shit from peanut butter when it comes to the long, short, or baby arm of the law. By the way, should you or anyone you know be in possession of a baby arm, I salute you, but that's beside the point, the point being this is just another half-ass reach around on yet another random ass news story to break wind in America: http://www.washingtontimes.com

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2001)

 

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everybody poops... even newscasters!

everybody poops... even newscasters!

 

Okay, this one has been around a while, but what better place for wrong butt stuff to be adopted, right? Right. The language alone tells you something is bound to be slipping down the poop chute sooner or later, and my god if it doesn't come with the explosive quickness when it does. As always, this reminds me of the warm and fuzzy time Dave England shat the van during the filming of jackass the movie in 2002. It's a well known fact his tummy doesn't handle south of the border combos that well, and our usual lags in production let him stall out far too long in the danger zone while the hardware store was being scouted and plotted for toilet pranking purposes. Granted, his being tickled and jabbed in the van by a feisty Jeff Tremaine didn't help matters much, and when the backfire came it had both bark and bite, like any well hung and no longer containable shart. Lucky for all Dave was wearing pants then. I mean, can you even imagine the pooey level of devastation had he gone Ol' Faithful while having his gooch stimulated? Talk about pop music, Armageddon, and handbaskets all rolled into hellish one!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2002)

congratulations to dave and shawna england!

This past weekend, Mr. Dave England invited a bunch of us up to his big backyard digs in Ojai, California, to witness his marriage to Ms. Shawna Evans during the extreme heat of the day. All sweatbacks and asides though, a pleasant afternoon was had by all in attendance, including, but not limited to, Johnny Knoxville, Preston Lacy, Spike Jonze, Chris Pontius, Loomis Fall, Jeff Tremaine, Danger Ehren, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Ross Angeles, Chris Reed, Whitey McConnaughy, Trip Taylor, Mini-Loop Thor, Cordell Mansfield and Sean Cliver. Although Darf is no longer with us, many, many tales of his previous escapades were recounted, including this new one we'd never heard before where he'd allegedly appeared at a high-profile function and kept trying to peep up the dress of a local Sheriff's wife. Ah, Darf... how we don't miss you so!

Photos clockwise from top left: Ehren and Pontius share a shady moment; Dave and Shawna exit stage center; Knoxville, Spike, Loomis, Pontius, Cliver and Tremaine keep their sunny sides up; Knoxville and Preston share a hydration moment.

Photos from left: Cliver and Tremaine bookend the second most handsome man in Hollywood, Cordell Mansfield; Dimitry and Loomis bookend the most professional pooper in Hollywood, Dave England.

(Photos by Rick Kosick; Ojai, California 2013)

bring that bam beat back

Since yesterday's adventures in the third and possibly close to turd dimension went over so well, here's one last gastric blast from Will the Farter's jackass 3D past. Plus, it keeps up our poo-poo pee-pee throw-up web cred. Anyway, you may now be asking yourself, a pastor, or a Subway sandwich artist, "How exactly did Bam get from Point A to Point C in this image?" The correct answer is a beeline straight from Will's blustery bum to Bam's mouth—utilizing a cigarette as the intermediary link between the two (yes, it does appear to be a pertinent missing link as well, but it's actually inside the styrofoam cup that Danger Ehren is holding up for a closer inspection of the partially eww juice-stained filter). By the by, this very same couch still resides within the hallowed halls of Dickhouse and has probably never received a proper cleaning… just a word to all the wise that have sat and held counsel with Tremaine and Knoxville over the years!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)

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turkish wrestling: ahead of our time!

This week I am dedicating to "What's in the news and how can it be exploited as such?" because it's good to be the king. And on that purple note, I'd like to turn your attention to the national sport of Turkey, oil wrestling! Musclebound and lubed dudes are always a hot topic for sure, but toss in some good old fashioned down-the-pants grapple holds and the phrase "umbilicus exposed to heaven" is nothing short of a good, good time. Although no lube or oil was involved in slicking the skins of Chris Pontius and Danger Ehren in 2001, there's a decidedly Turkish factor at play in this impromptu post-Nutball roustabout of theirs. Although we always suspected who came on top—I mean, came out on top in this ass grabbin' grass match, it can now, thanks to the Turkish rule book, be officially stated that Pontius was indeed the victor what with Ehren's umbilicus and a few other dingly-dangly details exposed to the heavens above Portland, Oregon.

Lacking lube in life? No muster in the mustard? Skip the scat and pick up the great jackass DVD box set featuring the best as can be collected pieces of the TV series: Buy the box set!

Still mystified? Clam bake? Click me, asshole: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/23/oil-wrestling-is-turkeys-national-sport

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2001)

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photo of the day: wee man and preston lacy

There are few places words cannot go. They are the great descriptive communicators and articulators of the world around us, but there are times, I find, when they should take a back seat to allow the image or artwork do all the interpretive work. An Instagram-ish argument could be made for that case (except for you photo-foodists... my jury is still well hung on that pursuit); however, I'm not so sure this is one such insta-occasion, because far too much is left in the air to hang like a pair of extra-elongated testicles on a dead calm Kansas day.

So what really is going on here? Well, it all started out on our last* day of principal shooting for jackass 3D. While the lap pool was being prepped for Johnny Knoxville to jet ski up, up and awry, Jeff Tremaine and Rick Kosick were running around filming behind-the-scenes interviews with the various cast for filler content on the official movie website. During one such Q&A conducted with Wee Man and Preston Lacy, I believe there was ye olde perennial banter about Tremaine being the ultimate used car salesman and how he can pretty much get anyone to do anything—even if it's against their better wishes or judgment, which, of course, brings us to this photo, where money finally did the talking to make Wee Man do the licking. To up the gag factor (just in case you needed such a thing) just know that it was sunny and warm in Malibu that day, which surely made Preston's custom Danger Ehren tramp stamp that much more salty and moist to the taste.

* The word "last" is always such a nebulous term when it comes to our filming run, because there are the inevitable days we'll need to accommodate for pick-ups, last minute flashes of brilliance, mega-budget re-shoots, and Knoxville's penchant for running into street signs.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Malibu, California 2010)

 

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on this day in jackass history...

Actually, today's not the day. It's tomorrow. But what is history if it's not meant to be rewritten? Especially on the Interweb. So let's let us be the first to fudge the details since it's been a goddamn what, five years now? I swear, where does the time go, but before I wax any more rhetorical here are the brass tax* of what I'm trying to get around to talking about: the jackassworld 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in New York City—Times Square, to be epicentrically precise. There were spillovers in and around the vicinity with a slight poke into Mianus, but for the most part it was all about 43rd and Broadway. Since all the recorded footage from said event has since been filed in the "Where is it now?" bin, your best bet is to remininsce here for lots more photos from our slumber party, but all good junkies know where to score a quick fix like the clip below. Just let your fingers do the walkin' so I can quit talkin', alright?

* The kissing cousin to Wee Man's infamous "French benefits".

(Photos by Sean Cliver; New York City, NY 2008)

discounted jackass on itunes this weekend!

In functional conjunction with MTV's "Mancation Weekend" and keeping it short, fat, and to the tuna can point, this weekend you can find the entire jackass catalog on iTunes, including discounts on full seasons. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass

Bummed on bootlegs and jonesing for authentic jackass apparel? Check out this newly updated selection of clothing articles to hide your boobs, moobs, and regrettable tattoos: http://www.popfanatics.com/search/jackass

(Photo by Sean Cliver; San Pedro, California 2010)

jackass on mtv's "mancation weekend"

Dave Carnie once put the "bromance" in our lexicon, but tonight and tomorrow MTV is putting the brogramming back into effect for its "Mancation Weekend" festivities. I've always been a sucker for official press releases, so lick this for all the fine details:

"Before settling for Sunday’s Pro Bowl, tune in to MTV’s Mancation Weekend on Friday and Saturday. The Kick-Off is 10 PM (EST) Friday with a special presentation of jackass the movie giving viewers the opportunity to live tweet on the air, followed by classic jackass episodes, Walking Tall starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Knoxville, and MTV2’s Guy Code.

The second half starts 3 PM (EST) Saturday with the network premiere of DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story, starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn, along with healthy helpings of Ridiculousness, Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, MTV2’s Guy Code and another opportunity to live tweet on the air during jackass 3.5 at 10 PM (EST)."

Incidentally, what's funny about the photo above is not merely the fact that Wee Man is kicking himself in the forehead but that a major motion picture is being filmed with a Sony PC-10. Believe me, I'm no camera nerd, but it doesn't take a prosumer to know that this little one chip rig was strictly consumer grade and not meant for big-ass "silver screen" use. That didn't stop our monkey-asses, though, giving further credence to the credo: Don't dream it, be it.

Want more jackass? Get the entire jackass catalog, including discounts on full seasons at iTunes. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Bithlo, Florida 2002)

appearing today in the city of industry...

public appearance: pontius, ehren and preston

Heads up, hoes down! That's right, quit your backyard gardening and listen up: On Saturday, January 19, in the Year of Our Lord Twenty-Thirteen, Chris Pontius, Danger Ehren, and Preston Lacy will be making a public signing appearance at the Frank & Son Collectible Show, located at 19649 San Jose Ave. in the City of Industry, CA, between the hours of 1:30–2:30pm. Be sure to stuff your pockets with greenbacks, dead presidents, dinero, moolah, dough, duckets, scrilla, mick shrimptons, or whatever acceptable slang form of legal tender in the U.S. of A. you may have, because these autographs and photo-ops are all for cash money. So come one, come all, get just one or get them all!

P.S. The above triptych is brought to you and inspired exclusively by Hieronymus Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights. You know, just in case you were concerned about the level of cultural awareness that goes into creating such unmitigated testaments to the stupid that is and forever will be jackass. 

(All photos by Sean Cliver; 2010)

happy birthday to danger ehren!

He fell for the soup! Two years later that still makes me giggle. I'm actually surprised Danger Ehren doesn't now have some extreme neuroses about walking around blind corners or, at the very least, conniptive fits when asked if he'd like soup or salad with a meal. Hell, if I was him, I don't even know if I could pull it together to work up the nerve to blow out candles on a birthday cake for fear they would go KABOOM and ALL THAT. Then again, that's mostly me projecting my own hyper-awareness and paranoiac mistrust of anyone and anything related to my friends—especially when/if any abnormal act of kindness is involved. All I can say is, thank god Ehren doesn't have my issues or he might never have fallen for the soup. Happy Birthday, Ehren!

(Photos by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2010)

tickle the pink friday at dickhouse

Remember the first time you sat down to watch jackass number two and were first suddenly swallowed part, parcel, and package by a great gay gaping maw of rainbows and butterflies? The opening sound effect was what really made that moment special, I think, but admittedly my tendencies do run to the hills screaming for vengeance on queer metal moments. Anyway, while the rest of the world goes black barking mad this Friday, you can bask in the moist warmth that is nothing but pink here at Dickhouse. So run along now and grab one of those neat plastic cards in mom's purse or dad's wallet and let them know you care this Christmastime. Believe me, more family memories have been made watching the poo we've extruded throughout the years than any other boring holiday special to have ever been created in the history of the world. Seriously, like any angel ever received its wings when a bell rang*. What nonsense!

World Famous Dickhouse Apparel

Everyone needs to cover their body with something, right? Well, some people I wish wouldn't cover their body, but then on the other hand I'm glad so many other people do. So to make it all democratic and shit we've got an assortment of torso sheaths to do just the cover up job. With rainbows. And if that wasn't statement maker material enough, we've got the word "dickhouse" in Helvetica Bold just beneath. I mean, Dorothy Gale only wishes a big house of dicks was the one that come down from the skies above to nail the Wicked Witch of the East to the flatlands of Oz! Own one if not more today: merchmethod.com/dickhouse

 

ESPN Films 30 for 30: The Birth of Big Air

Lacking inspiration in life? Look no further than this truly heartfelt production presenting the high-flying life and times of BMX legend Mat Hoffman. Throughout his career, Mat ignored conventional limitations; instead focusing his efforts on the purity of the sport and the pursuit of "what's next." His motivations stem purely from his own ambitions, and even without endorsements, cameras, fame, and fans, Mat would still would be working to push the boundaries of gravity. Spike Jonze and Johnny Knoxville, along with director Jeff Tremaine, showcase the inner workings and exploits of the man who gave birth to "Big Air." (By the way, no true jackass fan's collection is complete without the jackass presents Mat Hoffman's Tribute to Evel Knievel DVD, in which Johnny Knoxville's urethra met its bloody match in the handlebar of a motocross bike.)

 

jackass: the lost tapes

In the online downtime between jackass 2.5 and jackass 3D, we scraped the bottom of the television tape archives and came up with all sorts of segments that went "missing" and never made it onto the jackass DVD box set. The “Self Defense Test,” “Stun Collar,” “Unicycle Poo Barf,” “Fast Food Football,” “Roller Jump,” and “Satan vs. God” (in its original long ass-kicking form!) are just some of the absurd gold that what was once lost but now is found, not to mention all the original jackass show opens and credit/outtake montages. But wait ... there's more! In addition to all the MIA television clips there's loads of bonus never-before-seen footage, including this really special moment when Dimitry Elyashkevich picked a booger from his Russian nostrils and delicately placed it on Sleep-O's mouth—and now it can be yours! Pressed, packaged, produced and preserved for dumb digital eternity.

 

jackass unrated 3-pack

It's hard to believe, but yes, we've been kicking, screaming, laughing and pooping for the past 12 years now. Wow ... when put like that it really sounds like a run of the mill description for any mental patient confined to life in a lunatic asylum circa the early 1900s. Anyway, I think this means we've jumped from one generation to the next—much like the Ebola virus jumping from monkeys to humans in Africa—and in the process picked up a whole slew of newcomers to the world of jackass. For these people there now exists this DVD 3-pack of unrated wonders to behold, cherish and share with loved ones throughout the years. Suck it, Capra!

 

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

What can I say about the Wild Whites that hasn't been said before? I'm sure there's something of course, but my brain is slowly but surely bowing to the fact it is 3:00am and my stomach is still grinding away the football-sized plate of Thanksgiving food I ingested earlier in the evening. In short, baby's tired and I would happily let anyone put me in a corner just so I could go to sleep and dream a little digestive dream. Yep, there goes the attention span. Oh well. But regardless of whether you're familiar with the cult classic footwork of Jesco White or not, this documentary is sure to open your eyes, drop your jaw and expose you to what director Julien Nitzberg hails as "a portrait of America's last outlaw family."

 

* Okay, except for that time on Beverly Hills 90210 when Clarence helped Miriam out and did that whole cosmic bus collision intervention. That one I totally buy 100-percent.

jackassworld flashback: the depends party

Dozens of deeds were dirtily done by the denizens of the jackassworld.rip hole that were probably best unknown to the world at large but still broadcast in full unexpurgated live glory. Looking back now it's almost unfathomable that such an office could exist without some kind of cult-like tragedy bookending its infantile span of just under two years, but the mental fallout still remains and haunts our memories to this day. Like the vision of Danger Ehren loudly and proudly wetting himself during Rick Kosick's weekly jackassworld live show and then crowing about the warmth of his diaper ... Shanna strutting on in with her diaper pride at only half-mast (sorry, but she refused to pee and how can it be a pee-pee party if you're not going to unleash the pee!) ... and a host of other moderately hot dudes precariously straddling that peak of their mid-life lives with nothing but socks, shirts, and diapers to show for a then professional career in Hollywood (fortunately most of the pounds have only since been packed on, thereby sparing you a truly grueling sight). God we would've made Ed Wood proud—possibly even jealous!