Happy Birthdave! That's just the kind of play on word play that Dave England likes to dink around with. If you follow him on Instagram—he's easy to lose because of innumerable Insta-infractions—then you are more than well aware of this. Along with many other things, I suppose, because Dave's none to shy about sharing more than his fair share of TMI. Those really are my favorite kind of people though—the ones with filtration issues—which is funny because I guess you could say the same about his bottom. In fact, he's probably one of the most seen pooping people in the world. Think about it: Millions have seen him do it on the big screen (and in 3D no less). Now if that's not an accomplishment in life then I don't know what is. Bravo!
P.S. Ever notice how everything is just made so much better by the presence of Chris Pontius? Testify!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2010)
Oddly enough, I don't actually have a photo of Dave England with a bad case of diarrhea. I had my chance. Several, in fact, but you have to be quick on the trigger when it comes to the butt mud because it rarely flows at a lava-like pace. It's fast. It's furious. And it reminds me a lot of the firehose Dave once went for one buck of a rodeo ride on in jackass number two, where he just so happened to blow it out big time after landing on his poo button. My other golden brown occasion to have snapped Dave's shart was during the ill-fated "Bayou Obstacle Course" (which I think found its way onto jackass 2.5), where at shoot's end Dave's end did shoot shit—greenish-brown, or yellow ochre, to be pooferctly accurate in Crayola description, in a real super soaker ass blast. Anyway, all this nonsense was first brought to mind by this wonderful bit of nonsense below. God bless you, Mr. Interweb!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Lake Piru, California 2006)
This past weekend the extended Dickhouse clan gathered to celebrate the memory of Ryan Dunn in our 2nd annual softball tournament. Anticipations were hot and hard going into the weekend, what with the rash of injuries, mishaps, and probable acts of God that occurred during last year's tourney, and numerous names were bandied about in an "injury pool" as to who would be going to the emergency room this time around. Last year's primary O.A.F. candidate, Derek Freda, would've topped this list had he not wisely decided to sidestep the games this time around to act as base coach for fear of reinjuring his Achilles.
Photos from left to right: Rick Kosick holds down home plate; Jeff Tremaine knows everything comes to you at first base with minimal to no running around required; Amanda Adelson won the award for Most Stylish Player With The Worst Cornhole Toss Ever; Team Black.
Four teams in all competed for top honors: Red, Black, Royal, and defending champions Navy. The first round saw Red v. Black on one field with Royal v. Navy on the opposing diamond. Apparently, Johnny Knoxville and Greg Wolf were carrying the Reds as far as they could feasibly go, but it was not enough to best the Blacks at the end of five innings.
Photos from left to right: Jennifer Welsh, the pride of Indiana; Once again Dave England proves you don't need two nuts—just a bat and one ball will do; Chris Pontius is a master when it comes to batter and boxes; Team Red.
The Royals put up the good fight, but Navy came out swinging hard—so hard—with its lead "ringer", strategist, and alleged hotel hero Charles Grisham, who pounded homers virtually every time at bat. Needless to say, Navy stomped a mudhole in the Royal hindquarters.
Photos from left to right: Team Royal; Mae gave it her best cornhole arc on the pitcher's mound; Donny "I Need A Pinch Runner Because My Ankle Is Hobbled" Anderson throws a sign from second base.
All teams and presiding family members then took a lunch break after the first match-ups. Basically just enough time for everyone to stuff themselves and stiffen up. Miraculously, no injuries were had in the first two games, so bodies were definitely primed and pumped to pop in the final championship and consolation rounds with Navy v. Black and Red v. Royal.
Photos from left to right: Team Navy; Young Loiter Squad star Jack at bat; Li'l Shanna busts out of the batter's box; Charlie Grisham knocks another one out of the park with ease.
Much to everyone's surprise, however, no injuries occurred in either of the final games. Once again, Charlie carried the Navy team through the innings with consistent on-base hits from everyone else and solid defensive play in the field. Consequently, Black found themselves in a pickle and held to minimal runs scored, allowing Navy to take the championship for the second year in a row!
Photos from left to right: The Knoxville Strong Boy slugs it into the outfield; Volney Howard IV closes out the Black v. Red game with a pop fly snare; Knoxville on first base with Derek Freda safely in stationary base coach position.
All in all a great day was had in Glassellland. Special thanks to Shanna Zablow, Amanda Adelson, and the Dickhouse team of assistants and interns for pulling the event together—Ryan would've been proud.
Photos from left to right: It was a great day for fathers and sons... Volney Howard IV mans the mound with V5 right behind on second base; Guch pounds softballs like an Eskimo beats a walrus skull; Emerson robs a ball from Dimitry's catcher mitt; Jesse Hoy, large but nowhere in charge of third base in the final game.
(Photos by Sean Cliver with a special assist from Johnny Knoxville; Glassell Park, California 2013)
Hi people who read this part. I'm writing this to let you know I recently went on an excursion deep into the far reaches of a corner of the world. Tokyo, Japan to be fairly exact. Clad only in Huffer brand short shorts, I trekked, tromped, stomped, and huffed my way to the best camping spot of all time (hands fucking down best). The coziness of my Poler Stuff one-man tent was almost to die for. So watch the video and like it and favorite it and send it to your moms so they know about me. I want her to know about me because I want to take you camping soon and we'll need to make sure she's cool with it. Let me know where we should pitch our tent together. Thanks for taking time to click buttons and look at stuff. —Dave England
In every life one must eat a little ass. How and where you choose to do such thing is entirely up to you, but if that's a distance you can't see going quite yet then perhaps these edible anuses are a more sweetly palatable alley for you to chew on for the nonce. Yes, that's right, an edible anus, because rectal dining really is the last stop on life's train before you blow out it all out and pull into Willoughby once and for all. It truly is a zone that once crossed into there's no going back: it's just full-on SOP from there on out to the end of bored days. So, if you're still feeling green, perhaps consider these as training wheels for that next delicate adventure into nature's most delectable of deplorable delicacies. Get yours today at: http://edibleanus.com
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Lake Piru, California 2006)
So you've seen the dementia dimensionally, now see it lay pipe on cable. Tonight at 10/9 C the MTV will be premiering jackass 3 in whatever capacity can be done for the first time ever during the course of its latest #MANCATION weekend. We won't be officially tweeting it up live along with the broadcast, but the MTV is running some other kind of promotion where you'll have the opportunity to win random shit for correctly guessing how many nuts get kicked in the course of the #MANCATION event (and if you haven't guessed it by now it's real important to use that hashtag or you ain't gonna have a corn kernel's chance in Dave England's rectal hell of winning jack shit).
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Burbank, California 2010)
Posted by dickhouse productions on June 15, 2013 at 05:00 AM in andy bell, april margera, bam margera, chris pontius, danger ehren, dave england, dickhouse, jackass, jackass 3D, jeff tremaine, johnny knoxville, lance bangs, mat hoffman, preston lacy, rick kosick, ryan dunn, spike jonze, steve-o, wee man | Permalink | Comments (2)
Remember the first time you stuck your penis in a beehive and realized that perhaps it wasn't the best idea? No? Not surprising. Even our dumbasses know enough not to insert your penis into one of those. Okay, yeah, I can see where the concept of a "honey pot" might sound enticing—especially if you've the marginalized gray batter of say, oh, Winnie the Pooh—but at some point during the insertion process surely a few Darwinism alarm bells are likely to go off and be accordingly heeded. So, although it made for a wonderfully charming evolutionary tale about the culling of the human herd, this "news story" about some sweaty Swede doing the dumb dicky deed and made dead was indeed a hoax. However, it would make for a great title in Helvetica Bold, don't you think? I can hear Dave England saying it now... "Hi, I'm Dave England and this is the 'Beehive Sex Toy'." Although the odds of that happening now are a pubic hair slim to absolutely fucking none. After all, he was pretty chapped about being stung up after playing "Beehive Tetherball" on jackass 3D, the movie that took a critically acclaimed upwards dump in the third dimension! Watch it now or own it forever—you be the consumer judge.
(Photos by Sean Cliver; Florida 2010)
Okay, this one has been around a while, but what better place for wrong butt stuff to be adopted, right? Right. The language alone tells you something is bound to be slipping down the poop chute sooner or later, and my god if it doesn't come with the explosive quickness when it does. As always, this reminds me of the warm and fuzzy time Dave England shat the van during the filming of jackass the movie in 2002. It's a well known fact his tummy doesn't handle south of the border combos that well, and our usual lags in production let him stall out far too long in the danger zone while the hardware store was being scouted and plotted for toilet pranking purposes. Granted, his being tickled and jabbed in the van by a feisty Jeff Tremaine didn't help matters much, and when the backfire came it had both bark and bite, like any well hung and no longer containable shart. Lucky for all Dave was wearing pants then. I mean, can you even imagine the pooey level of devastation had he gone Ol' Faithful while having his gooch stimulated? Talk about pop music, Armageddon, and handbaskets all rolled into hellish one!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2002)
This past weekend, Mr. Dave England invited a bunch of us up to his big backyard digs in Ojai, California, to witness his marriage to Ms. Shawna Evans during the extreme heat of the day. All sweatbacks and asides though, a pleasant afternoon was had by all in attendance, including, but not limited to, Johnny Knoxville, Preston Lacy, Spike Jonze, Chris Pontius, Loomis Fall, Jeff Tremaine, Danger Ehren, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Ross Angeles, Chris Reed, Whitey McConnaughy, Trip Taylor, Mini-Loop Thor, Cordell Mansfield and Sean Cliver. Although Darf is no longer with us, many, many tales of his previous escapades were recounted, including this new one we'd never heard before where he'd allegedly appeared at a high-profile function and kept trying to peep up the dress of a local Sheriff's wife. Ah, Darf... how we don't miss you so!
Photos clockwise from top left: Ehren and Pontius share a shady moment; Dave and Shawna exit stage center; Knoxville, Spike, Loomis, Pontius, Cliver and Tremaine keep their sunny sides up; Knoxville and Preston share a hydration moment.
(Photos by Rick Kosick; Ojai, California 2013)
Since yesterday's adventures in the third and possibly close to turd dimension went over so well, here's one last gastric blast from Will the Farter's jackass 3D past. Plus, it keeps up our poo-poo pee-pee throw-up web cred. Anyway, you may now be asking yourself, a pastor, or a Subway sandwich artist, "How exactly did Bam get from Point A to Point C in this image?" The correct answer is a beeline straight from Will's blustery bum to Bam's mouth—utilizing a cigarette as the intermediary link between the two (yes, it does appear to be a pertinent missing link as well, but it's actually inside the styrofoam cup that Danger Ehren is holding up for a closer inspection of the partially eww juice-stained filter). By the by, this very same couch still resides within the hallowed halls of Dickhouse and has probably never received a proper cleaning… just a word to all the wise that have sat and held counsel with Tremaine and Knoxville over the years!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)
In functional conjunction with MTV's "Mancation Weekend" and keeping it short, fat, and to the tuna can point, this weekend you can find the entire jackass catalog on iTunes, including discounts on full seasons. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass
Bummed on bootlegs and jonesing for authentic jackass apparel? Check out this newly updated selection of clothing articles to hide your boobs, moobs, and regrettable tattoos: http://www.popfanatics.com/search/jackass
(Photo by Sean Cliver; San Pedro, California 2010)
Dave Carnie once put the "bromance" in our lexicon, but tonight and tomorrow MTV is putting the brogramming back into effect for its "Mancation Weekend" festivities. I've always been a sucker for official press releases, so lick this for all the fine details:
"Before settling for Sunday’s Pro Bowl, tune in to MTV’s Mancation Weekend on Friday and Saturday. The Kick-Off is 10 PM (EST) Friday with a special presentation of jackass the movie giving viewers the opportunity to live tweet on the air, followed by classic jackass episodes, Walking Tall starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Knoxville, and MTV2’s Guy Code.
The second half starts 3 PM (EST) Saturday with the network premiere of DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story, starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn, along with healthy helpings of Ridiculousness, Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, MTV2’s Guy Code and another opportunity to live tweet on the air during jackass 3.5 at 10 PM (EST)."
Incidentally, what's funny about the photo above is not merely the fact that Wee Man is kicking himself in the forehead but that a major motion picture is being filmed with a Sony PC-10. Believe me, I'm no camera nerd, but it doesn't take a prosumer to know that this little one chip rig was strictly consumer grade and not meant for big-ass "silver screen" use. That didn't stop our monkey-asses, though, giving further credence to the credo: Don't dream it, be it.
Want more jackass? Get the entire jackass catalog, including discounts on full seasons at iTunes. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Bithlo, Florida 2002)
Ever had a bad case of the bed bugs? Can't tell a nit from a gnat if your lice depended on it? Dave England and Chris Pontius are not your run of the mill louses, but they do make a pretty fine pair of bed buds. I mean, I don't want to go around spreading blasphemous rumors, but the two of them have been known to share a bed—in particular this one time in Truckee where the bed was inflatable, the slope was of a moderate grade, and the cornice was a real moose knuckle. Unfortunately, the outcome was less than disastrous, far from laughable, and mostly lost from a filming perspective in a swirl of pow-pow*, leaving it nowhere to be found on any of the post-theatrical releases of jackass 3. Yes, even we have our limits when it comes to packing added value onto a DVD, and the sum total of the "Bed Sled" was substantially less than zero. The two sure did make for a peach of a couple, though!
* R.I.P., Blunt!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Truckee, California 2010)
How many times have you walked into a museum and thought, "Wow ... that's some real piece of shit artwork there!" I know I have, but that's mostly because I have a low tolerance for bullshit art theory. Like, if someone has to describe it to you, or use a bunch of art school mumbo-jumbo to justify its relevance, well, that's just stupid. Me, I like it literal and at face value, and here's a prime example of what I'm talking about: a piece of shit artwork. This is, of course, a bit more from the arts 'n' crafts period. I much prefer the work of the post-organics that was done in February 2008 during the jackassworld.com 24-hour takeover of MTV weekend. Longtime stalwarts and finger-painters here will know exactly what I'm referring to, but for everyone else on the ADHD fringe it was a challenge to create a truly pootastic alphabutt; or, in plain English, a wholly accidental alphabet made in the toilet bowl by fecal matter coiled straight from nature's soft serve machine. We never did assemble the full alphabet, but (butt!) we sure had fun viewing all the shitty shots of shit uploaded by viewers over the weekend. Ars excrementia artis!
Feeling like an art stool student? Craftily crave the copro? Feel free to share your butt creations here, or simply buy jackass the movie, jackass number two, jackass 2.5, jackass 3, and jackass 3.5 on DVD to experience poo the way Hollywood meant you to!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Poo by Dave England; Hollywood, California 2006)