Okay, this one has been around a while, but what better place for wrong butt stuff to be adopted, right? Right. The language alone tells you something is bound to be slipping down the poop chute sooner or later, and my god if it doesn't come with the explosive quickness when it does. As always, this reminds me of the warm and fuzzy time Dave England shat the van during the filming of jackass the movie
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Portland, Oregon 2002)
This past weekend, Mr. Dave England invited a bunch of us up to his big backyard digs in Ojai, California, to witness his marriage to Ms. Shawna Evans during the extreme heat of the day. All sweatbacks and asides though, a pleasant afternoon was had by all in attendance, including, but not limited to, Johnny Knoxville, Preston Lacy, Spike Jonze, Chris Pontius, Loomis Fall, Jeff Tremaine, Danger Ehren, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Ross Angeles, Chris Reed, Whitey McConnaughy, Trip Taylor, Mini-Loop Thor, Cordell Mansfield and Sean Cliver. Although Darf is no longer with us, many, many tales of his previous escapades were recounted, including this new one we'd never heard before where he'd allegedly appeared at a high-profile function and kept trying to peep up the dress of a local Sheriff's wife. Ah, Darf... how we don't miss you so!
Photos clockwise from top left: Ehren and Pontius share a shady moment; Dave and Shawna exit stage center; Knoxville, Spike, Loomis, Pontius, Cliver and Tremaine keep their sunny sides up; Knoxville and Preston share a hydration moment.
Photos from left: Cliver and Tremaine bookend the second most handsome man in Hollywood, Cordell Mansfield; Dimitry and Loomis bookend the most professional pooper in Hollywood, Dave England.
(Photos by Rick Kosick; Ojai, California 2013)
Since yesterday's adventures in the third and possibly close to turd dimension went over so well, here's one last gastric blast from Will the Farter's jackass 3D
(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)
In functional conjunction with MTV's "Mancation Weekend" and keeping it short, fat, and to the tuna can point, this weekend you can find the entire jackass catalog on iTunes, including discounts on full seasons. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass
Bummed on bootlegs and jonesing for authentic jackass apparel? Check out this newly updated selection of clothing articles to hide your boobs, moobs, and regrettable tattoos: http://www.popfanatics.com/search/jackass
(Photo by Sean Cliver; San Pedro, California 2010)
Dave Carnie once put the "bromance" in our lexicon, but tonight and tomorrow MTV is putting the brogramming back into effect for its "Mancation Weekend" festivities. I've always been a sucker for official press releases, so lick this for all the fine details:
"Before settling for Sunday’s Pro Bowl, tune in to MTV’s Mancation Weekend on Friday and Saturday. The Kick-Off is 10 PM (EST) Friday with a special presentation of jackass the movie
The second half starts 3 PM (EST) Saturday with the network premiere of DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story
, starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn, along with healthy helpings of Ridiculousness, Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory
, MTV2’s Guy Code and another opportunity to live tweet on the air during jackass 3.5 at 10 PM (EST)."
Incidentally, what's funny about the photo above is not merely the fact that Wee Man is kicking himself in the forehead but that a major motion picture is being filmed with a Sony PC-10. Believe me, I'm no camera nerd, but it doesn't take a prosumer to know that this little one chip rig was strictly consumer grade and not meant for big-ass "silver screen" use. That didn't stop our monkey-asses, though, giving further credence to the credo: Don't dream it, be it.
Want more jackass? Get the entire jackass catalog, including discounts on full seasons at iTunes. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Bithlo, Florida 2002)
Ever had a bad case of the bed bugs? Can't tell a nit from a gnat if your lice depended on it? Dave England and Chris Pontius are not your run of the mill louses, but they do make a pretty fine pair of bed buds. I mean, I don't want to go around spreading blasphemous rumors, but the two of them have been known to share a bed—in particular this one time in Truckee where the bed was inflatable, the slope was of a moderate grade, and the cornice was a real moose knuckle. Unfortunately, the outcome was less than disastrous, far from laughable, and mostly lost from a filming perspective in a swirl of pow-pow*, leaving it nowhere to be found on any of the post-theatrical releases of jackass 3
* R.I.P., Blunt!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Truckee, California 2010)
How many times have you walked into a museum and thought, "Wow ... that's some real piece of shit artwork there!" I know I have, but that's mostly because I have a low tolerance for bullshit art theory. Like, if someone has to describe it to you, or use a bunch of art school mumbo-jumbo to justify its relevance, well, that's just stupid. Me, I like it literal and at face value, and here's a prime example of what I'm talking about: a piece of shit artwork. This is, of course, a bit more from the arts 'n' crafts period. I much prefer the work of the post-organics that was done in February 2008 during the jackassworld.com 24-hour takeover of MTV weekend. Longtime stalwarts and finger-painters here will know exactly what I'm referring to, but for everyone else on the ADHD fringe it was a challenge to create a truly pootastic alphabutt; or, in plain English, a wholly accidental alphabet made in the toilet bowl by fecal matter coiled straight from nature's soft serve machine. We never did assemble the full alphabet, but (butt!) we sure had fun viewing all the shitty shots of shit uploaded by viewers over the weekend. Ars excrementia artis!
Feeling like an art stool student? Craftily crave the copro? Feel free to share your butt creations here, or simply buy jackass the movie
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Poo by Dave England; Hollywood, California 2006)
If there's one common bond that you could say about all the jackass guys—well, aside from Preston Lacy—it's that we all share a history in skateboarding. I don't know what that says about it, us, or anything else, because that's not my job. I mean, if I'd wanted to draw parallels I'd be getting my geometry rocks off elsewhere, wouldn't I? Wood eye, wood eye! Harelip, harelip! There, that's more like it. It's the absurdist spirit that puts the flatulence beneath my wings. Dave England's, as well, for that matter—or should I say, fecal matter? Because you can't barely mention Dave's name without picturing a pile of professional poo, too. Happy Birthday, Dave!
A few of us often wonder: Could there possibly be life after Dickhouse? I can't imagine so. The idea of having to adapt to the real world would have to be one of the scariest fucking things ever. In that sense, some of us are, without a doubt, irreparably damaged goods and completely unfit for re-introduction to modern day employment settings. But every so often I'll see something that gives me hope. That maybe I could still go on to do something else in a gainful, professional sense ... something like this: How About An Exciting Career As A Professional Fart Smeller? Because, let me tell you, after working with such gastrointestinal Bikini Atolls as Jeff Tremaine and Dimitry Elyashkevich, my nasal passages have passed through the proving grounds and emerged as a nifty snoot snifter for discerning whiffs of stupendously toxic anal air. But not just me and my nose, we all have this ability now! Put 10 of us in a room—say an edit bay, Seth Casriel's, with poor ventilation and no windows—and the second a mustardy scent smears the first ions of atmosphere I'd wager that 9 out of the 10 can correctly identify the origin of the ugly ass from whence it steeped and seeped. Dear god... there may be hope for us after all!
P.S. The shot above was not at all about the air from down there but rather the mud stream that shot out Dave England's shit chute moments after he touched butt hard—so hard—during the "Firehose Rodeo" skit in jackass number two.
(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2006)
Hell? Well, unless you really believe said place is a fiery furnace of bubbling shit pits and cavernous orifices filled with godawful offal, but that could just be any walk in a National Park of New Zealand. Ah, generalities... gotta love how easy it is to hate them. Anyway, if Glenn Danzig ever did a Christmas album where he took classic songs from The Misfits, Samhain, and Danzig
And, for those of you that really need to know because all that's left of summer is a faded rose, ol' fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-fatty is Dave England and he's about to fly no matter what Roger Alan Wade
Fiending further Black (Christ)Mass spirit? Hail Sätän!
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Truckee, California 2010)
Remember the first time you sat down to watch jackass number two and were first suddenly swallowed part, parcel, and package by a great gay gaping maw of rainbows and butterflies? The opening sound effect was what really made that moment special, I think, but admittedly my tendencies do run to the hills screaming for vengeance on queer metal moments. Anyway, while the rest of the world goes black barking mad this Friday, you can bask in the moist warmth that is nothing but pink here at Dickhouse. So run along now and grab one of those neat plastic cards in mom's purse or dad's wallet and let them know you care this Christmastime. Believe me, more family memories have been made watching the poo we've extruded throughout the years than any other boring holiday special to have ever been created in the history of the world. Seriously, like any angel ever received its wings when a bell rang*. What nonsense!
World Famous Dickhouse Apparel
Everyone needs to cover their body with something, right? Well, some people I wish wouldn't cover their body, but then on the other hand I'm glad so many other people do. So to make it all democratic and shit we've got an assortment of torso sheaths to do just the cover up job. With rainbows. And if that wasn't statement maker material enough, we've got the word "dickhouse" in Helvetica Bold just beneath. I mean, Dorothy Gale only wishes a big house of dicks was the one that come down from the skies above to nail the Wicked Witch of the East to the flatlands of Oz! Own one if not more today: merchmethod.com/dickhouse
ESPN Films 30 for 30: The Birth of Big Air
Lacking inspiration in life? Look no further than this truly heartfelt production presenting the high-flying life and times of BMX legend Mat Hoffman. Throughout his career, Mat ignored conventional limitations; instead focusing his efforts on the purity of the sport and the pursuit of "what's next." His motivations stem purely from his own ambitions, and even without endorsements, cameras, fame, and fans, Mat would still would be working to push the boundaries of gravity. Spike Jonze and Johnny Knoxville, along with director Jeff Tremaine, showcase the inner workings and exploits of the man who gave birth to "Big Air." (By the way, no true jackass fan's collection is complete without the jackass presents Mat Hoffman's Tribute to Evel Knievel
In the online downtime between jackass 2.5
It's hard to believe, but yes, we've been kicking, screaming, laughing and pooping for the past 12 years now. Wow ... when put like that it really sounds like a run of the mill description for any mental patient confined to life in a lunatic asylum circa the early 1900s. Anyway, I think this means we've jumped from one generation to the next—much like the Ebola virus jumping from monkeys to humans in Africa—and in the process picked up a whole slew of newcomers to the world of jackass. For these people there now exists this DVD 3-pack of unrated wonders to behold, cherish and share with loved ones throughout the years. Suck it, Capra!
The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia
What can I say about the Wild Whites that hasn't been said before? I'm sure there's something of course, but my brain is slowly but surely bowing to the fact it is 3:00am and my stomach is still grinding away the football-sized plate of Thanksgiving food I ingested earlier in the evening. In short, baby's tired and I would happily let anyone put me in a corner just so I could go to sleep and dream a little digestive dream. Yep, there goes the attention span. Oh well. But regardless of whether you're familiar with the cult classic footwork of Jesco White or not, this documentary is sure to open your eyes, drop your jaw and expose you to what director Julien Nitzberg hails as "a portrait of America's last outlaw family."
* Okay, except for that time on Beverly Hills 90210 when Clarence helped Miriam out and did that whole cosmic bus collision intervention. That one I totally buy 100-percent.
In the years before shitting out his ass on jackass, Dave England was a globetrotting snowboard journalist. He worked on Big Brother's red-headed step-child Blunt Magazine, but we often crossed streams in that close knit familial way. Like, this one time in Sweden (or one of those other Alpine regions akin to white skin, black metal, and colorful diacriticals), Dimitry encountered Dave at some extreme sports skate/snow clusterfuckfest. Or was it Darf he ran into? No, it had to have been Dave post-Darf, seeing as he's already sporting the black-and-blown-out eye that Darf had acquired the night before (I want to say this came courtesy of an Aussie Pappas brother whom Darf had annoyed to the point where it was finally necessary for them to let their fist go on an orbital walkabout).
This wouldn't be the first time Darf sustained a blow, of course; in fact, perhaps this very same year as the photo above, Rick Kosick took Darf's head to town on the floor of a hotel room during an ASR trade shitshow. Darf's reign of terror was finally put down in 2010 while filming for jackass 3—the full story of which can be seen in jackass 3.5—and never before had the words good-fucking-riddance meant so much to so many.
(Photo by Dimitry Elyashkevich; 1998)
Why is it that almost every bizarre news story in the U.S. comes up out from under its tallywhacker? I'm referring to Florida, of course, America's geographically uncircumcised dingaling. My guess—and it's a completely unedjucated one, mind you—is that it has to do with it being the southernmost continental state in a subtropical clime, a/k/a humidity. It does funny things to a man's head, you know? And I mean that in a good way, of course, because a) Florida has played ground zero to every jackass event since the dawn of our time; and b) Knight Library. However, not every Richard can be a Dick, and once in a while it's just not a good thing at all. Case in applicator tip point:
http://gawker.com/5951314/used-enemas-resold-to-cvs-customers-after-being-resealed-and-returned
It's like when Shakespeare wrote, "All that glisters is not gold"... or at least up until the samples come back from the health department and test positive for fecal matter.
Eww, dude.
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2010)
Hard to believe it has been almost exactly two years ago to the day—well, yesterday, if you want to be a real shit in the mudbutt about it—that we broke all dimensional wind with the release of jackass 3D. Since that time I've posted numerous random bits and pieces taken from the scenes, behind the scenes, and maybe some that shouldn't have ever been seen, so let's go back in time like Marty McFly and shake the archives up to see what bubbles to the surface like an old fashioned bathtub fart, like...
...a day on the racquetball court with nothing but Adam's apple:
http://www.dickhouse.tv/thegolfball
...there's no business like show business and I know business like this business:
http://www.dickhouse.tv/poocano
...rockin' around the clock with Johnny Knoxville and his not so invisible man trick:
http://www.dickhouse.tv/invisibleman
...when two disproportionate men add up to a very sticky 69:
http://www.dickhouse.tv/super69
...one year ago today—almost. But that's what horse shoes and hand grenades are for, right?
http://www.dickhouse.tv/anniversary
...two years ago today—almost. But even a bit further off than the other and who really gives a shit?
http://www.dickhouse.tv/premiere
...and last but not least, we'll always have the memories of "Memories." Cheers!
http://www.dickhouse.tv/memories
(Photo by Sean Cliver; California 2010)
