dickhouse

congratulations to dave and shawna england!

This past weekend, Mr. Dave England invited a bunch of us up to his big backyard digs in Ojai, California, to witness his marriage to Ms. Shawna Evans during the extreme heat of the day. All sweatbacks and asides though, a pleasant afternoon was had by all in attendance, including, but not limited to, Johnny Knoxville, Preston Lacy, Spike Jonze, Chris Pontius, Loomis Fall, Jeff Tremaine, Danger Ehren, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Ross Angeles, Chris Reed, Whitey McConnaughy, Trip Taylor, Mini-Loop Thor, Cordell Mansfield and Sean Cliver. Although Darf is no longer with us, many, many tales of his previous escapades were recounted, including this new one we'd never heard before where he'd allegedly appeared at a high-profile function and kept trying to peep up the dress of a local Sheriff's wife. Ah, Darf... how we don't miss you so!

Photos clockwise from top left: Ehren and Pontius share a shady moment; Dave and Shawna exit stage center; Knoxville, Spike, Loomis, Pontius, Cliver and Tremaine keep their sunny sides up; Knoxville and Preston share a hydration moment.

Photos from left: Cliver and Tremaine bookend the second most handsome man in Hollywood, Cordell Mansfield; Dimitry and Loomis bookend the most professional pooper in Hollywood, Dave England.

(Photos by Rick Kosick; Ojai, California 2013)

jackassworld flashback: the 4:20 show!

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and one barometer of the manic mood in the jackassworld.rip office could always be witnessed on the weekly-ish "live" show hosted by the one and only Rick Kosick. Some would say watching the live show as it streamed was like playing craps in Vegas and all bets were off, but I've never played craps in Vegas so I really don't know what the hell they're talking about. I'm an open-minded person though, so if they say that's what it was like then so be it. All I do know is that some played to win, some played to lose, and me... I just played along. In this particular cut-down of one such 4:20-ish show, Chris Pontius came in to spin some yarns, sing some songs, and talk about things that hadn't really been openly talked about before—particularly that one time in Russia—and it was a real trippy walk down memory lane. So come along, re-walk among us, and enjoy!

jackass bingo

It's been a while since I've done something stupid (well, not that long, considering I did recently ask a homeless man where I could find an ATM to withdraw some cash in Charleston, SC), but here's an online stuipd—stuipd?—stupid just for you. Why? Because you are special. A snowflake. A butterfly. That last little turd that hangs on for all its fibrous worth before disengaging to join its big brown brothers below. You get the idea. So here it is: jackass bingo! Simply print it out, pop in a DVD, and play along for no real reason at all in the privacy of your own home, apartment, or squat. No dress code is required to do so, but it is always fun to imagine people watching movies in nothing but their underpants (or, if it's a marathon, in Depends adult diapers).

Fair disclosure: This is by no means an original idea. In fact, I borrowed (stole) the concept after seeing a much more hipster version of it called "Wes Anderson Bingo", but that takes likes smarts and shit to play, whereas this is just dumb and isn't far off from real shit. Plus, because of the sheer amount of crossover content, cast clusterfucks, and peanut galleries galore, queries will surely arise like, "Well, it's throw up and it's Steve-O, so where pray tell do I put my official jackass bingo chip?" In the end, I suggest doing what Jesus would do: Live fast, work with wood, make some fish wine, raise some zombies, and don't leave a beautiful corpse behind. Godspeed and good luck making little to no sense of it!*

* Worst case, you can always tap on the image, print it out, and decorate your refrigerator or toilet lid.

foto del día: ¡¿qué coño?!

I spent so much time yesterday remembering things that today I can't remember shit. And if you know anything about me it's that I always know shit about shit. So let's skip the shit for today and go straight to the fuck—or more like, what the fuck? (If this all sounds far too vulgar for your squeaky clean cares, please feel free to cute it up in your own head with Hello Kitty amputations like "f'" or "eff", but please don't "WTF" at all because the only time an acronym should ever be employed is when playing with vintage Micronaut toys while ripped on Champipple.) There's so much going wrong in this photo that it can only be right off the sidelines of a jackass 3D shoot.

 

The sum of all its parts is far too much for most mortal minds to consume, but once broken into bits it's a bit more fun-sized in digestion. Take Loomis. It was, sadly, his last minutes with a fully operational skeletal system before getting forcibly felled and Mary Poppinsing his collar bone. And Bam. He's all bubble-wrapped up with no place to pop, because the fat boys were not back and never once did get blasted by the jet stream. But he does make a nice, slimming bookend for Preston, doesn't he? Preston who is about to sit down to a tight transvestite dinner date with Chris "Bunny" Pontius. Then, lastly, there's poor Knoxville ... the human skeet target patiently waiting for his shot at getting the retro Friday night lights knocked out of him. Now that's a mouthful of muffed-up stuff, but hey, I call that Tuesday.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Camarillo, California 2010)

some ridiculousness with street bike tommy

If you're following Rob Dyrdek on Twitter then you know that the second season of Ridiculousness is in full shooting swing right now. They've had guest stars aplenty flowing through the production bay doors, but here's one that's real special and near and dear to our ROYGBIV* hearts: Street Bike Tommy of Nitro Circus fame. Now I know the following about Tommy but perhaps you don't—the man loves meat. Straight up. No GMO. No vegetables for that matter either. Or bread. Condiments ... possibly. But it's the slabs that really do it for Meat Plate Tommy. He's got mad digestive love for the flesh. One-hundred-and-ten-percent pure undiluted brotein for the protein; in other words, all the better to fortify his stunt body to fly through, into, or beyond whatever it may possibly be aimed at, including but not limited to a lubed bowling alley of hot dudes.

* This does not acroynm out to Ripe Odorous Yellow Gonorrhea Butter In Vagina.

(Ridiculousness photos by Shanna Zablow; California 2012; jackass 3.5 photo by Sean Cliver; Bithlo, Florida 2010)

day of the leap us

Far be it from me and my near piss-poor memory to miss a ticklish day as today, so today you get two posts for the price of none. In celebratory accordance, I dove into the infamous Dickhouse photo vault and, straight off the top of my dome piece, retrieved a few "special" leaps from our illustrious past...

The first, from the rainbow bright bay of jackass 3D, is an anomaly to be sure. It's a general rule of thumb that white men can't jump, but I'll be damned if Johnny Knoxville isn't one day able to leap onto Broadway or, worst case, the Icecapades. There are at least 1000 other words this photo is saying and you'd have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to understand them.

Next up we have the Wildboyz (Chris Pontius and Steve-O) with Wildguestz (Knoxville and Loomis Fall) in Moscow, Russia, circa 2005, where onion architecture sightseeing is the equivalent to buying a Toyota. What a feeling indeed.

Lastly and most leaply, it's Rick Kosick and myself giving it our all in defiance of gravity on the Hollywood set of jackass number two in 2006. Big ups come in small packages and, if you've a thing for hot-blooded Latin, vice versa.

happy presidents' day

 

That apostrophe looks rather silly up there, doesn't it? Stupid possessive punctuation symbol. Anyway, here's a little known factoid about sexiest man in rock Loomis Fall: he can recite the names of all the Presidents of the United States of America from George Washington on up and not miss a single Zachary Taylor or James A. Garfield. Pretty neat, huh? Compound that with his equally impeccable knowledge of the Periodic Table of Elements and he's just the type of guy you want to have on your team for the world's largest trivia contest held in Stevens Point, Wisconsin, where the 54-hour competition has been grinding it out annually ever since 1969. For instance, that Louisville Slugger baseball bat that Wendy Torrance takes upside to her nutty husband Jack's head in The Shining? It's a Carl Yastrzemski signature model—just to give you an idea of one of 428 regulation questions that may be asked over the weekend of all-out trivia-induced sleep deprivation (this year's contest takes place April 20-22, details here).

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Madrid, Spain 2010)