Brevity is a bowl of shit, as Shakespeare once famously said, so today's post is a shout out of photographic big ups and mad props to the Earth. Why? Because any fan of the Wildboyz knows we're all about ecological conversation conservation. Good job, Earth!
Love planting trees for Jesus? Like seeing moderately grown men pee? Pick up Season 1
(Photos by Dimitry Elyashkevich, Jeff Tremaine and Cordell Mansfield)
It's been a good while since we've simply sat and pondered a photo for photo's sake without going out on a linked limb, so let's examine the post-pubescent, extra-spatial relationship between Chris Pontius, his balls, several other balls, and all immediate witnesses thereof. Actually, let's not, because anyone who deconstructs the meaning to anything should be tried and convicted of crimes against humanity. Okay, maybe that's going a bit overboard, but can't we all just sit and enjoy an image of a man spilling out of a common hotel elevator with his umbilicus and package presented to not only the heavens above but a hefty fraction of the Nitro Circus family—Street Bike Tommy and Andy Bell, to be precise—and the wilderiest nine-and-one-quarter fingered man on Earth, Manny Puig? I would sure hope so, but I'm naturally the hopeful sort and will spring eternal as such until the last of my pseudo-cynical waylaid days.
Tune in next week* for another negligible installment of Art Sharts to see further shots of shit** with accompanying senseless*** rants about nothing in sharticular at all!
* Complimentary cheese and crackers not included.
** Offer void in Delaware until its existence is proven otherwise.
*** Buy jackass 3
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, Florida 2010)
It's been a while since I've done something stupid (well, not that long, considering I did recently ask a homeless man where I could find an ATM to withdraw some cash in Charleston, SC), but here's an online stuipd—stuipd?—stupid just for you. Why? Because you are special. A snowflake. A butterfly. That last little turd that hangs on for all its fibrous worth before disengaging to join its big brown brothers below. You get the idea. So here it is: jackass bingo! Simply print it out, pop in a DVD, and play along for no real reason at all in the privacy of your own home, apartment, or squat. No dress code is required to do so, but it is always fun to imagine people watching movies in nothing but their underpants (or, if it's a marathon, in Depends adult diapers).
Fair disclosure: This is by no means an original idea. In fact, I borrowed (stole) the concept after seeing a much more hipster version of it called "Wes Anderson Bingo", but that takes likes smarts and shit to play, whereas this is just dumb and isn't far off from real shit. Plus, because of the sheer amount of crossover content, cast clusterfucks, and peanut galleries galore, queries will surely arise like, "Well, it's throw up and it's Steve-O, so where pray tell do I put my official jackass bingo chip?" In the end, I suggest doing what Jesus would do: Live fast, work with wood, make some fish wine, raise some zombies, and don't leave a beautiful corpse behind. Godspeed and good luck making little to no sense of it!*
* Worst case, you can always tap on the image, print it out, and decorate your refrigerator or toilet lid.
Dateline—February 24, 2008: Much like the 'Nam, we were trudging shit deep through the night and into the butt-cold early morning dawn during the jackass(world) 24-hour takeover of the MTV studios in New York City. In fact, at this very moment we might have been shivering outside while chowing down on April Margera's pancakes. Or maybe we were sweating it out with Chris Pontius during his manly workout symposium. Whatever the case, we'd lost Steve-O, were on the verge of losing Bam Margera, and dance parties were soon to be the delirious rage as we stumbled toward Hour 24 and the finish line.
We came out of the gate hot and hard—so hard—at noon the previous day. Party Boy had run through streets with several more partyin' boys in tow; Danger Ehren had his hair prematurely ripped out during a Nair cut; Steve-O did his best Ali Boo-boo impression as the "Sultan of Soda" and then later rapped to the terror of many; Bam and Phil Margera went toe-to-toe in weenie feeding; Rick Kosick zapped the cat-walking shit out of Danger Ehren during a spelling bee; Dave England spent life in a cage as a menace to society; Wee Man spent life in a hot dog cart as a menace to society; Preston Lacy was without a doubt the biggest loser when it came to drawing the short bus card in a horrible tattoo game; Jeff Tremaine not only got an earfull of Bronx bum shit but had his ass handed to him in a late-night round of "Dizzy Boxing" with Kosick; and Johnny Knoxville underwent wardrobe change after wardrobe change as he gingerly danced the night away during one of many music video wake-up stints.
Numerous friends dropped by for the sleepover, including Mat Hoffman, Loomis Fall, Scott Manning, Dale Watson, Manny Puig, the Lakai team, Zach Galifianakis, Maximillion "Mr. Gumball" Cooper, and a host of stunty participants, big and small, during the world broadcast debut of Mat Hoffman's Tribute to Evel Knievel (and Knoxville's torn urethra!).
All of this and more now sits locked in a vault somewhere. Perhaps clues to its second coming are buried in the Book of Revelations under a pile of reckoning shit about armageddon, a beast, and 666 other prophesies that couldn't have been more unclear and open to wide misinterpretation, but don't bet on it. There is a highlight show that still sees the occasional late-night rotation within the MTV sect, so enjoy it while it lasts, alright*?
* A musical bone for those who know.
(All photos by Sean Cliver; New York City, New York 2008)
Not to tickle your Elmo rhetorically, but you know what this website has been missing? Manny Puig. And you know what Manny Puig has been missing? His middle finger. Where'd it go? A funky little town called Necrosis, which, despite all deviant sounds, has absolutely nothing to do with the song "Code Blue" by TSOL. No, this is what happens when you scientifically roll in the dice and crap out with a rattlesnake. Despite the li'l nubbin' of an outcome, Manny was extremely fortunate in this encounter because rattlesnake makeovers are famously known to be hella gnarly (NorCal!) and, much like the Wu-Tang Clan
No Wildboyz
(Photo by Sean Cliver; Florida 2010)
In a digital world gone mad there's only one thing we can really do: add a touch of the stupids. And what better way to sanitarily touch our stupids than with a slap-appy version of the far from national best-selling book jackass: 10 years of stupid that has been specially designed for the iPad
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/jackass-10-years-of-stupid
Oh yeah, and while you're at it and all amped on apps, why not download this handy-dandy Dickhouse doohickey for free? That's right, free. You can't beat that with a dick.
http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/official-dickhouse-productions
* Less of those pesky words if you get my verbose drift.
Johnny Knoxville, Jeff Tremaine and their trusty Dickhouse wrangler Shanna Zablow took to the skies this past Sunday, September 26, kicking off a whirlwind promotional/press tour for jackass 3D with scheduled stops all over the US, as well as one hop, skip and a boot over the Canadian border.
First up on the list was Miami, where they hit the ground running straight off the plane and into an exclusive sneak peek showing at a theater in Coconut Grove. (Incidentally, the footage being shown at these scattered screenings consists of the very same dimensional stuff cut for the jackass 3D teaser that debuted at the San Diego Comic-Con in July.) Tremaine and Knoxville were joined at the theater by special guest celebrity, predatory animal expert, and local legend Manny Puig, who accompanied them in welcoming the crowd, signing autographs, taking photos, answering questions, and not leaving until the last fan standing was satisfied.
Knoxville and Tremaine later retired to one of their favorite dive bars in Miami to play pool for the remainder of the night, where Jeff is alleged to have run the table. Not an easy feat to do, considering mandatory eye contact must be made and held with an opponent while attempting to sink the game-winning eight-ball—and Knoxville really does give it his awful all to provide an awfully distracting scene.
The following Monday morning, the boys did a round of press (including a sit down interview with Maria Salas of NBC-Miami), before heading on over to the University of Miami to judge a bucking mechanical bull-riding competition.
Next stop: Toronto!
Clockwise from upper left corner: Manny Puig and Jeff Tremaine flip 1.25 birds combined (a rattlesnake bite is to blame for Manny's now permanent middle finger deficiency); Johnny Knoxville and Tremaine take it to the streets after the screening; Talking a good promotional game; Sitting pretty with Maria Salas; Signing autographs on handy little jackass 3D promotional handbills; Knoxville, Tremaine and Manny judge the college kids as they get bucked-up on a mechanical bull.
Bonus video below: Knoxville introduces the jackass 3D sneak peek to an eager crowd of human beavers.
(Special thanks to Shanna for shooting the above video and photos.)
