dickhouse

happy birthday to preston lacy!

There's nothing worse than getting trumped on your own big day. I mean, remember the time Michael Jackson had the audacity to die on the very same day Farrah Fawcett became an angel for reals? A certain fellow named Oscar and his Academy buddies sure didn't. Then again, they snubbed Ryan Dunn a couple years later, so what the hell do they know. Jerks. So today, here I am celebrating Preston Lacy, and I go ahead and choose a photo from a sweaty bit that was for all intents and purposes his, but he only ended up with a third of the glory pie after Steve-O and Lance Bangs each took it to their own digestive limits with similar yet unrelated regurgitations. And even here, Lance is stealing the show once again, frame left. Red room! Red room! Anyway, here's to a happy birthday, Preston!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, Florida 2010)

tonight it's jackass 3 on the mtv!

So you've seen the dementia dimensionally, now see it lay pipe on cable. Tonight at 10/9 C the MTV will be premiering jackass 3 in whatever capacity can be done for the first time ever during the course of its latest #MANCATION weekend. We won't be officially tweeting it up live along with the broadcast, but the MTV is running some other kind of promotion where you'll have the opportunity to win random shit for correctly guessing how many nuts get kicked in the course of the #MANCATION event (and if you haven't guessed it by now it's real important to use that hashtag or you ain't gonna have a corn kernel's chance in Dave England's rectal hell of winning jack shit).

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Burbank, California 2010)

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breaking wind on the interweb

Color me disappointed. Possibly disenfranchised. Maybe just outright jealous—I mean, if we're really going to call a spade a spade. The idea of fart noises being heard on any website should have been jackassworld.rip for starters, but then that whole deal went up in smoke (taking all the mirrors along with it). True, JAW did have its landmark moments of auditory brilliance when it cames to mousing over particular photos, e.g. "HUNH?", "Go Fuck Yourself," and, of course, the soothing regurgative sounds of Steve-O, but we really should have planted our flag in online flatulence. Anyway, The Onion since has—scrolling no less—so good on 'em. Download farts for your website here: http://theonion.github.io/fartscroll.js/

Love the smell of ass napalm in the morning? Is the "Covered Wagon" your signature bedtime move? Take a moment, stop exorcising anal spirits in your underpants, and own jackass number two on DVD today!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, Florida 2006)

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inflatable poo for you to view

Lord knows I wonder about a lot of random shit about shit, but what if when Mike Judge was running air up Preston Lacy's bottom during the "Butt Bellows" segment from jackass 2.5, he actually inflated a lump of poo in Preston's intestine? I mean, that would have been really interstine, right? Anyway, if it had happened, I'm guessing—no, make that wishing, it would have looked something awesome and huge like this fecal-inspired art installation currently on display over in Hong Kong of all places:

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, California 2006)

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photo of the day: wee man and preston lacy

congratulations to dave and shawna england!

This past weekend, Mr. Dave England invited a bunch of us up to his big backyard digs in Ojai, California, to witness his marriage to Ms. Shawna Evans during the extreme heat of the day. All sweatbacks and asides though, a pleasant afternoon was had by all in attendance, including, but not limited to, Johnny Knoxville, Preston Lacy, Spike Jonze, Chris Pontius, Loomis Fall, Jeff Tremaine, Danger Ehren, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Ross Angeles, Chris Reed, Whitey McConnaughy, Trip Taylor, Mini-Loop Thor, Cordell Mansfield and Sean Cliver. Although Darf is no longer with us, many, many tales of his previous escapades were recounted, including this new one we'd never heard before where he'd allegedly appeared at a high-profile function and kept trying to peep up the dress of a local Sheriff's wife. Ah, Darf... how we don't miss you so!

Photos clockwise from top left: Ehren and Pontius share a shady moment; Dave and Shawna exit stage center; Knoxville, Spike, Loomis, Pontius, Cliver and Tremaine keep their sunny sides up; Knoxville and Preston share a hydration moment.

Photos from left: Cliver and Tremaine bookend the second most handsome man in Hollywood, Cordell Mansfield; Dimitry and Loomis bookend the most professional pooper in Hollywood, Dave England.

(Photos by Rick Kosick; Ojai, California 2013)

bring that bam beat back

Since yesterday's adventures in the third and possibly close to turd dimension went over so well, here's one last gastric blast from Will the Farter's jackass 3D past. Plus, it keeps up our poo-poo pee-pee throw-up web cred. Anyway, you may now be asking yourself, a pastor, or a Subway sandwich artist, "How exactly did Bam get from Point A to Point C in this image?" The correct answer is a beeline straight from Will's blustery bum to Bam's mouth—utilizing a cigarette as the intermediary link between the two (yes, it does appear to be a pertinent missing link as well, but it's actually inside the styrofoam cup that Danger Ehren is holding up for a closer inspection of the partially eww juice-stained filter). By the by, this very same couch still resides within the hallowed halls of Dickhouse and has probably never received a proper cleaning… just a word to all the wise that have sat and held counsel with Tremaine and Knoxville over the years!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)

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photo of the day: wee man and preston lacy

There are few places words cannot go. They are the great descriptive communicators and articulators of the world around us, but there are times, I find, when they should take a back seat to allow the image or artwork do all the interpretive work. An Instagram-ish argument could be made for that case (except for you photo-foodists... my jury is still well hung on that pursuit); however, I'm not so sure this is one such insta-occasion, because far too much is left in the air to hang like a pair of extra-elongated testicles on a dead calm Kansas day.

So what really is going on here? Well, it all started out on our last* day of principal shooting for jackass 3D. While the lap pool was being prepped for Johnny Knoxville to jet ski up, up and awry, Jeff Tremaine and Rick Kosick were running around filming behind-the-scenes interviews with the various cast for filler content on the official movie website. During one such Q&A conducted with Wee Man and Preston Lacy, I believe there was ye olde perennial banter about Tremaine being the ultimate used car salesman and how he can pretty much get anyone to do anything—even if it's against their better wishes or judgment, which, of course, brings us to this photo, where money finally did the talking to make Wee Man do the licking. To up the gag factor (just in case you needed such a thing) just know that it was sunny and warm in Malibu that day, which surely made Preston's custom Danger Ehren tramp stamp that much more salty and moist to the taste.

* The word "last" is always such a nebulous term when it comes to our filming run, because there are the inevitable days we'll need to accommodate for pick-ups, last minute flashes of brilliance, mega-budget re-shoots, and Knoxville's penchant for running into street signs.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Malibu, California 2010)

 

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you art what you eat

Okay, so I have to admit to a slight green feeling at present. No, not because I tainted my liver and its other associated innards this past St. Patrick's Day weekend (and, in truth, I only drank Ketel & Cranberries the entire time, so if any coloured thing my interior would be decorated in pure Russian red); and not because I'm anywhere near being under the weather (in fact, I feel healthy as a horse, albeit a miniature Shetland pony). No, it's a classic case of the green-eyed monster, a/k/a jealousy.

You see, I had this idea I'd wanted to do back on jackassworld.rip, where we each would try to poo one color of the rainbow. This would have been accomplished via extensive scientific digestive testing, where each of us ate foods of a singular color to see what emerged on the other end. Now if you've ever heartily eaten of the beet, you know the shocking surprise that awaits after doing so. I've been there. The first time it happened I thought I'd contracted the ebola virus and all intestinal hell was breaking out from inside me to outside me ... but then I remembered the bowl of steamed beets and several glasses of merlot I'd had the night before. Blueberries are another prime matter for scarily colored batter—black-and-blue can be the new brown-and-tan—and then there was this one day I only ate white turbinado yogurt-covered almonds and gave birth to an albino water snake that really freaked me out.

Anyway, the long and short intestinal point of all this being that some other guy went and made some arty crap of a food-based nature and I done missed the shit ship once again. Oh well!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Orlando, Florida 2006)

happy presidents' day

Presidentially speaking, I'm tired of annualy dredging up Johnny Knoxville and his horrifying reenactment of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address in full  "Beard of Leeches" get up, so you, too, must be equally anally tired. So, instead, let's pretend George Washington had nothing to do with a cherry tree and everything to do with an apple tree, because, well, I ain't got nothing but nothing when it comes to cherries. But apples—butt apples!—those I've got more than a barrel full* to go bobbing for with you, the loyal friends, fiends, followers, and fanatics of Dickhouse. Because who wants a boring old White House, anyway? Anyone can paint a house white, but not everyone can build a house out of dicks. It's like what former U.S. President Ronald Reagan once said, "There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect,” and that, by god, is exactly what we've done with our erections. Among other things, of course, but for now let's content ourselves with this.

* Whoops! Looks like Bob beat me to the punch bowl on this particular apple...

(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)

wee baby bawl vs. wee baby ball

During his extensive interviews for jackass 3.5, Jeff Tremaine made no secret of his love for dressing Wee Man up in costumes. With entirely good reason, of course, because Wee almost always looks absolutely adorable any ill demeanor be damned. Yes, I'm talking about that one particular afternoon in 2001, while filming for the last season of the TV show, when we were finally able to convince Wee Man to dress up as a big baby to be run about and into things by his jogging father Preston Lacy. Wee was nothing short of a gigantic grumpasaurus wreck that day, which only made us giggle all the more and him all the more grumpy. It was a very perverse win-win-lose-lose scenario in that we—except Wee—all enjoyed a good laugh, but we—including Wee—returned to the office with very little footage to show for the day.

Before concluding our bedtime story, please, enjoy this infantile interlude: 

It would be over four more years until we were finally able to get Wee Man back to baby basics—and succeeded in not just doing so once but twice! Unfortunately, but fortunately, Baby made a boom-boom on the first occasion during "The Poof", and on the second ... well, let's just say the re-enactment of Wee Man's birth with him coming out from under the extremely "husky" woman who guest-starred alongside John Waters in "The Magic Trick", a/k/a "Disappearing Wee", was just as near to horrifying as it sounds. But don't take my word for it, take Wee's in jackass 2.5! Th-th-that's all, folks. We now return you to your regularly scheduled online time mismanagement.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Los Angeles, California 2001)

super bowel sunday and your face

Look, I'm just as lame as all the other companies out there trying to squeeze every ounce of marketing love juice they can get from giving the "big game" a reacharound today, but whatever. I can deal with that. Can your face, though? Preston Lacy's face might be able to, I can assure you that. I mean, how many mugs can take a direct field goal kicking shot—a professional one, mind you—and find a way to turn a quite possibly horrific frown upside down? That's the true meaning of professionalism, if you ask me. Not that you have to, or wanted to, I'm just calling the super game like I see it and that's no bowl of shit. Word.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Winnetka, California 2010)

discounted jackass on itunes this weekend!

In functional conjunction with MTV's "Mancation Weekend" and keeping it short, fat, and to the tuna can point, this weekend you can find the entire jackass catalog on iTunes, including discounts on full seasons. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass

Bummed on bootlegs and jonesing for authentic jackass apparel? Check out this newly updated selection of clothing articles to hide your boobs, moobs, and regrettable tattoos: http://www.popfanatics.com/search/jackass

(Photo by Sean Cliver; San Pedro, California 2010)

jackass on mtv's "mancation weekend"

Dave Carnie once put the "bromance" in our lexicon, but tonight and tomorrow MTV is putting the brogramming back into effect for its "Mancation Weekend" festivities. I've always been a sucker for official press releases, so lick this for all the fine details:

"Before settling for Sunday’s Pro Bowl, tune in to MTV’s Mancation Weekend on Friday and Saturday. The Kick-Off is 10 PM (EST) Friday with a special presentation of jackass the movie giving viewers the opportunity to live tweet on the air, followed by classic jackass episodes, Walking Tall starring Dwayne Johnson and Johnny Knoxville, and MTV2’s Guy Code.

The second half starts 3 PM (EST) Saturday with the network premiere of DodgeBall: A True Underdog Story, starring Ben Stiller and Vince Vaughn, along with healthy helpings of Ridiculousness, Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory, MTV2’s Guy Code and another opportunity to live tweet on the air during jackass 3.5 at 10 PM (EST)."

Incidentally, what's funny about the photo above is not merely the fact that Wee Man is kicking himself in the forehead but that a major motion picture is being filmed with a Sony PC-10. Believe me, I'm no camera nerd, but it doesn't take a prosumer to know that this little one chip rig was strictly consumer grade and not meant for big-ass "silver screen" use. That didn't stop our monkey-asses, though, giving further credence to the credo: Don't dream it, be it.

Want more jackass? Get the entire jackass catalog, including discounts on full seasons at iTunes. Go to: iTunes.com/Jackass

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Bithlo, Florida 2002)

appearing today in the city of industry...

public appearance: pontius, ehren and preston

Heads up, hoes down! That's right, quit your backyard gardening and listen up: On Saturday, January 19, in the Year of Our Lord Twenty-Thirteen, Chris Pontius, Danger Ehren, and Preston Lacy will be making a public signing appearance at the Frank & Son Collectible Show, located at 19649 San Jose Ave. in the City of Industry, CA, between the hours of 1:30–2:30pm. Be sure to stuff your pockets with greenbacks, dead presidents, dinero, moolah, dough, duckets, scrilla, mick shrimptons, or whatever acceptable slang form of legal tender in the U.S. of A. you may have, because these autographs and photo-ops are all for cash money. So come one, come all, get just one or get them all!

P.S. The above triptych is brought to you and inspired exclusively by Hieronymus Bosch's Garden of Earthly Delights. You know, just in case you were concerned about the level of cultural awareness that goes into creating such unmitigated testaments to the stupid that is and forever will be jackass. 

(All photos by Sean Cliver; 2010)