dickhouse

happy holidays!

First of all, what are you doing online? Shame on you! Go open a gift, talk to a family member, pet the kitty, latchhook a rug, sneak a swig, make the merry. Unless you've done all that and can do no more, in which case, welcome back to the world's foremost house of dick where we're keepin' on keepin' on with an online tradition started just last year: the sharing of the coveted annual Dickhouse holiday card. So... Happy Holidays from all of us to all of poo!

the pink umbrella

In last Friday's whoring the merchandise post (get your Dickhouse T-shirts here!), I invited you to tickle the pink. Well, not entirely true... I was actually trying to get you to stroke your credit card and cradle the global economy this holiday season. Today, however, I'm just inviting you to look at the pink and appreciate it for all its colorful contributions to our world. Once you've had your fill of Barry, Shanna, Guch, and Lindsey bathed in Jeff Tremaine's favorite color of choice, I'd like to direct your attention to the lone figure in the background. Who is that sunglass-masked man? Why, it's none other than Stranger Ehren! Yeah, for whatever reason he decided to be outstandingly stand-offish in the stands that day (for point of reference this was taken on the day Johnny Knoxville met the professional end of Jared Allen head-fucking-on while filming for jackass 3D). Maybe for fear of catching a surprise Rocky upside the head, I don't know. We all have our moments though. Especially when it comes to struggling to swim for survival in a sea of big, beautiful, buoyant dicks—oh ye-e-a-ah.*

* Best when read in your head in a creepy Kool-Aid man voice.

(Photo by Cordell Mansfield; Winnetka, California 2010)

jackassworld flashback: the depends party

Dozens of deeds were dirtily done by the denizens of the jackassworld.rip hole that were probably best unknown to the world at large but still broadcast in full unexpurgated live glory. Looking back now it's almost unfathomable that such an office could exist without some kind of cult-like tragedy bookending its infantile span of just under two years, but the mental fallout still remains and haunts our memories to this day. Like the vision of Danger Ehren loudly and proudly wetting himself during Rick Kosick's weekly jackassworld live show and then crowing about the warmth of his diaper ... Shanna strutting on in with her diaper pride at only half-mast (sorry, but she refused to pee and how can it be a pee-pee party if you're not going to unleash the pee!) ... and a host of other moderately hot dudes precariously straddling that peak of their mid-life lives with nothing but socks, shirts, and diapers to show for a then professional career in Hollywood (fortunately most of the pounds have only since been packed on, thereby sparing you a truly grueling sight). God we would've made Ed Wood proud—possibly even jealous!

photo ridiculousness with shanna

Over the years, starfucking has come to mean so many different things to so many different people. I mean, once upon a time it was the seek 'n' destroy act that is everything it sounds like. Then there came the more innocuous form where the lens did all the dirty work for just a quick pose and second of time. Now there's an even weirder "social" twist, a la Twitter, where its users use stars as a way of denoting their love and appreciation for a respective person's tweets—and when the stars become ridiculously rampant regardless of tweet quality, well, that's now considered to be a sure sign of "starfucking a Twitter crush"*. 

Top row: Wiz Khalifa; Preston Lacy and Wee Man; Quentin "Rampage" Jackson; Middle row: Street Bike Tommy; Floyd "Money" Mayweather; Miss Jackson; The Bella Twins "Diva Champ" belt; Bottom row: Duff Goldman; Justin Bieber; Ed Sheerhan; Seann William Scott.

Anyway, Shanna, our resident Madame Producer, is a classic second stage butterfly collector. It's a harmless addiction, to be sure, and one that can only make for a nifty wall of memories later on in life—especially if Alzheimer's comes a calling. That, I think, would make for many an interesting Groundhog-esque Day, where elderly, addled Shanna wakes up to a great wall of "what the heck?" each and every morning, struggling to reassemble the puzzling visual pieces of her life. Were they friends? Are they family? Was I an ambassador to the United Nations? Why is that large man forcing my head into a black emperor scorpicake? Am I really knee high to a grasshopper? Oh, the foggy fun she will have!

Or, who knows, maybe she'll still have her copy of Ridiculousness Season 2 on DVD, in which case she'll only have to first remember what a DVD is to lace it all up and tie her life tight. Pre-order yours today and fight the future fugue!

* Jesus H. Jumping Christ on a Hallowed Crutch, what a ridiculously stupid world it is in which we live.

last call: the loiter squad wrap-n-bowl-o-rama

This past Wednesday night at PINZ on the strip in Studio City, the Loiter Squad cast and crew gathered to bowl the night away in memory of filming for Season 2. Keep your sussy ass chapped and eyes wide peeled for news on when the upcoming season will premiere on Adult Swim in 2013!

Photos clockwise from top left: Robert Francis and Joe O'Riordan; Bowling Barry Smoler abides; Taco in repose; Tyler on the pole; Lindsey and Amanda with special guest photobomb by Rob from Montrose; Jared McClurg's head doesn't look anywhere near as big as Don Swedo's; Cordell Mansfield manages, for once, to keep his eyes open while food eating with Volney Howard IV.

Photos clockwise from top left: Davon "Jasper" Wilson; Lance "Bearded" Bangs and Compston "Dark Shark" Wilson; Chris Clancy and Kelly Sato Clancy; Rick Kosick and Jeff Tremaine; Eric, Tyler, Taco, Knate, Shanna, and Lionel mug while Kevin Mills mulls; Guch balances balls while Shad shaka brahs; Lionel Boyce.

(Special thanks to Lindsey Shupe and Rick Kosick for the photo-tasking services!)

post-halloween dickhouse office ass bash

Like any good professional setting, we too play our dumb little office buddy games. You know, a wee bit o' the team spirit to bolster morale and promote a positive workflow environment. Nothing too "game changing", mind you, just a little holiday "evergreen" event utilizing the more tolerant atmosphere in our "wheelhouse" of fun. So here are a few sneak peeks at how the often unsung heroes at Dickhouse spent their post-workday/pre-lifenight time at the office yesterday. Thanks again to first-rate (and place!) pumpkin carvers Lindsey, Amanda, and Shanna for pulling it altogether!

Photos at top left-to-right: Shanna, Tremaine, and Knoxville at the helm in a haphazard seaman theme; Tremaine busted this pumpkin nut for the carving contest, but no one could put Nairobi in a corner. 

Photos clockwise from upper left: Dennis and Jarrod are never too soon; Bits and pieces of the human ticks that make the Dickhouse clock rock; Barry is a fantastic and foxy work of symbolism; Amanda puts the lead back in Nancy Kerrigan; Matt takes it high and inside with this stunning replication of Mark Hansen; Jill and Crispy take back the arachnid Knight. 

P.S. If, by the by, the Dickhouse empire crumbles like so many other great amoral civilizations before that have faded into the fanny dust of time... rest assured we'll always have Nairobi.

cute product alert: lyrokz

Okay, so this isn't a Dickhouse or jackass deal, but it does pertain to our extended family in that Madame Producer Shanna's brother has this new company that licenses lyrics from bands to stamp, print, and put on wrist bands. Madame Producer Shanna's brother has often supplied us with liberal amounts of gratuitous adult beverages for past Dickhouse events, so we're simply returning the favor and giving him a solid reacharound online-style. Check 'em out at http://lyrokz.com and follow 'em on Twitter @LyRokz

happy birthday to shanna!

Or should I say, Madame Producer? If anything this all should've been said yesterday when it was officially her birthday, but for the record I understand how all this cake business works—it's a late afternoon thing by the time it gets all baked, delivered, candled, and blown—and it makes virtually no web sense to post. (Put it this way, you can either have a fully erect and rock solid stat for the day or a soft limp number that equates to this sorry ass dildo mold I once tried to make.) Anyway, it's posted now and that's all that matters. Time is relative, after all, but if there's one thing I know from growing up under the rainbow it's that age is relative, too. So whether we wish Shanna a "Happy Birthday!" today, tomorrow, or two weeks from next Tuesday, it's all the same Einstein shit—and that's a good thing. That's my theory at least, but then again I dropped out of Physics in high school as well. X, you bastard!

last call: the nitro circus 3D pre-premiere

This past Wednesday night in Hollywoodland marked the first real unveiling of Nitro Circus the Movie 3D at Grauman's Chinese Theatre. The movie doesn't officially open nationwide until August 8, 2012, but timing is everything in the extreme—EXTREME!—arena, so what with the X-Games about to go down, off, and up across town the next day it only made sense to sneak a peek to a VIP crowd that could endorse it best. Dickhouse.tv correspondent Shanna Zablow was on the Slim Jim scene to bring you these cutting edge photos from what appears to be an iPhone 4 used in extremely low-light conditions. Thanks, Shanna!

Photos clockwise from upper left: Jeff Tremaine and Shanna bookend Nitro bigwig Gregg Godfrey; Knate Gwaltney, Tremaine, Street Bike Tommy, Tyler Swain and Guch grin big; Bold in black with Steve-O, Tremaine (again!), Jim DeChamp and Johnny Knoxville; Trip Taylor and Erik Roner, outcasts from the Village of the Damned (it's a pupil thing).

And what exactly were people saying after the flick? Let the public Twitter record stand:

@SteveO: I just got home from a screening of Nitro Circus 3D and I'm using a new word, "Flabbergasted". That movie is incredible...

@realjknoxville: Awesome movie, loved it.

@rickkosick: Go see the #NitroCircus3D movie in the theaters on Aug 8th The Jim Dechamp scene was intense!

(Photos by Shanna Zablow; Hollywood, California 2012)

the danger rabbit and other horror stories

Did you know that the opening scene of the 1988 animated blockbuster Who Framed Roger Rabbit, starring Jessica Rabbit's Meyer-esque cartoon boobies, was filmed at the exact same studio later occupied by the jackass television production in 2000–2001? Well, it was, then known as Ren-Mar Studios, home of "The Cup Test", "Box Down Stairs", "Cricket Helmet" and many other rib-tickling segments, and that's all the trivia I have for you today. The rest, as you will see, is pure bone-chilling Purple Pony sex talk between Shanna, Danger Ehren and, eventually, Johnny Knoxville, who thankfully saw fit to stand in for comic relief. And oh what a relief it was, especially when Shanna stumbled upon the "Danger Rabbit" and Ehren's preferred "love-making" soundtrack. Gosh, just typing out these words gives me goosebumps and dead whore flesh, and I'm not at all what you would call an easily shocked person. Can I get a witness?

Part 1:

Part 2:

Loss for words? Surplus of cash? Then you're definitely going to need jackass: the lost tapes, because it's the only digital home in the world where you will find the almost permanently Bermuda'd "Box Down Stairs", featuring the last remaining moments of Johnny Knoxville's back in its original working condition.