dickhouse

congratulations to dave and shawna england!

This past weekend, Mr. Dave England invited a bunch of us up to his big backyard digs in Ojai, California, to witness his marriage to Ms. Shawna Evans during the extreme heat of the day. All sweatbacks and asides though, a pleasant afternoon was had by all in attendance, including, but not limited to, Johnny Knoxville, Preston Lacy, Spike Jonze, Chris Pontius, Loomis Fall, Jeff Tremaine, Danger Ehren, Rick Kosick, Dimitry Elyashkevich, Ross Angeles, Chris Reed, Whitey McConnaughy, Trip Taylor, Mini-Loop Thor, Cordell Mansfield and Sean Cliver. Although Darf is no longer with us, many, many tales of his previous escapades were recounted, including this new one we'd never heard before where he'd allegedly appeared at a high-profile function and kept trying to peep up the dress of a local Sheriff's wife. Ah, Darf... how we don't miss you so!

Photos clockwise from top left: Ehren and Pontius share a shady moment; Dave and Shawna exit stage center; Knoxville, Spike, Loomis, Pontius, Cliver and Tremaine keep their sunny sides up; Knoxville and Preston share a hydration moment.

Photos from left: Cliver and Tremaine bookend the second most handsome man in Hollywood, Cordell Mansfield; Dimitry and Loomis bookend the most professional pooper in Hollywood, Dave England.

(Photos by Rick Kosick; Ojai, California 2013)

happy holidays!

First of all, what are you doing online? Shame on you! Go open a gift, talk to a family member, pet the kitty, latchhook a rug, sneak a swig, make the merry. Unless you've done all that and can do no more, in which case, welcome back to the world's foremost house of dick where we're keepin' on keepin' on with an online tradition started just last year: the sharing of the coveted annual Dickhouse holiday card. So... Happy Holidays from all of us to all of poo!

tickle the pink friday at dickhouse

Remember the first time you sat down to watch jackass number two and were first suddenly swallowed part, parcel, and package by a great gay gaping maw of rainbows and butterflies? The opening sound effect was what really made that moment special, I think, but admittedly my tendencies do run to the hills screaming for vengeance on queer metal moments. Anyway, while the rest of the world goes black barking mad this Friday, you can bask in the moist warmth that is nothing but pink here at Dickhouse. So run along now and grab one of those neat plastic cards in mom's purse or dad's wallet and let them know you care this Christmastime. Believe me, more family memories have been made watching the poo we've extruded throughout the years than any other boring holiday special to have ever been created in the history of the world. Seriously, like any angel ever received its wings when a bell rang*. What nonsense!

World Famous Dickhouse Apparel

Everyone needs to cover their body with something, right? Well, some people I wish wouldn't cover their body, but then on the other hand I'm glad so many other people do. So to make it all democratic and shit we've got an assortment of torso sheaths to do just the cover up job. With rainbows. And if that wasn't statement maker material enough, we've got the word "dickhouse" in Helvetica Bold just beneath. I mean, Dorothy Gale only wishes a big house of dicks was the one that come down from the skies above to nail the Wicked Witch of the East to the flatlands of Oz! Own one if not more today: merchmethod.com/dickhouse

 

ESPN Films 30 for 30: The Birth of Big Air

Lacking inspiration in life? Look no further than this truly heartfelt production presenting the high-flying life and times of BMX legend Mat Hoffman. Throughout his career, Mat ignored conventional limitations; instead focusing his efforts on the purity of the sport and the pursuit of "what's next." His motivations stem purely from his own ambitions, and even without endorsements, cameras, fame, and fans, Mat would still would be working to push the boundaries of gravity. Spike Jonze and Johnny Knoxville, along with director Jeff Tremaine, showcase the inner workings and exploits of the man who gave birth to "Big Air." (By the way, no true jackass fan's collection is complete without the jackass presents Mat Hoffman's Tribute to Evel Knievel DVD, in which Johnny Knoxville's urethra met its bloody match in the handlebar of a motocross bike.)

 

jackass: the lost tapes

In the online downtime between jackass 2.5 and jackass 3D, we scraped the bottom of the television tape archives and came up with all sorts of segments that went "missing" and never made it onto the jackass DVD box set. The “Self Defense Test,” “Stun Collar,” “Unicycle Poo Barf,” “Fast Food Football,” “Roller Jump,” and “Satan vs. God” (in its original long ass-kicking form!) are just some of the absurd gold that what was once lost but now is found, not to mention all the original jackass show opens and credit/outtake montages. But wait ... there's more! In addition to all the MIA television clips there's loads of bonus never-before-seen footage, including this really special moment when Dimitry Elyashkevich picked a booger from his Russian nostrils and delicately placed it on Sleep-O's mouth—and now it can be yours! Pressed, packaged, produced and preserved for dumb digital eternity.

 

jackass unrated 3-pack

It's hard to believe, but yes, we've been kicking, screaming, laughing and pooping for the past 12 years now. Wow ... when put like that it really sounds like a run of the mill description for any mental patient confined to life in a lunatic asylum circa the early 1900s. Anyway, I think this means we've jumped from one generation to the next—much like the Ebola virus jumping from monkeys to humans in Africa—and in the process picked up a whole slew of newcomers to the world of jackass. For these people there now exists this DVD 3-pack of unrated wonders to behold, cherish and share with loved ones throughout the years. Suck it, Capra!

 

The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia

What can I say about the Wild Whites that hasn't been said before? I'm sure there's something of course, but my brain is slowly but surely bowing to the fact it is 3:00am and my stomach is still grinding away the football-sized plate of Thanksgiving food I ingested earlier in the evening. In short, baby's tired and I would happily let anyone put me in a corner just so I could go to sleep and dream a little digestive dream. Yep, there goes the attention span. Oh well. But regardless of whether you're familiar with the cult classic footwork of Jesco White or not, this documentary is sure to open your eyes, drop your jaw and expose you to what director Julien Nitzberg hails as "a portrait of America's last outlaw family."

 

* Okay, except for that time on Beverly Hills 90210 when Clarence helped Miriam out and did that whole cosmic bus collision intervention. That one I totally buy 100-percent.

happy birthday to spike jonze!

Spike Jonze is no Lon Chaney, but he's definitely neck-and-neck in the multi-face race. By the by, that sentence is a prime example of why Twitter is deconstructing the written world one storypoint at a time. On a typical day I could have taken a tangent and run with it to the ends of the earth and back again, but my mind is now so Pavlovian-attuned to staying within the electrified fence of 140 damn characters that I'm feeling a bit Rick Kosick in a stylish 360˚ sound mike for recording sounds in nature. Happy Birthday, Spike!

(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)

jackass number two premiere on the mtv

This coming Sunday, August 26th, will mark the premiere date for jackass number two to poke its li'l turtle head out on MTV to smear a bit o' the brown on the Moon Man's silver underpants—and it only took six years to do! Sounds unbelievable, I know, but it must be true because someone other than the Internet told me so. The flick fest will air at 9:00pm ET/PT with an immediate encore presentation knocking on the back door at 11:00pm ET/PT. In the event that a few of the guys live-tweet during the initial broadcast, do yourself a following favor and cover your bases with @realjknoxville, @steveo, @prestonlacy, @iamweeman, @daveenglandshit, @BAM__MARGERA, @rickkosick, @dangerehren, and @jackassworld. No guarantees, of course, but who knows... who knows... who knows.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Hollywood, California 2006)

jackass bingo

It's been a while since I've done something stupid (well, not that long, considering I did recently ask a homeless man where I could find an ATM to withdraw some cash in Charleston, SC), but here's an online stuipd—stuipd?—stupid just for you. Why? Because you are special. A snowflake. A butterfly. That last little turd that hangs on for all its fibrous worth before disengaging to join its big brown brothers below. You get the idea. So here it is: jackass bingo! Simply print it out, pop in a DVD, and play along for no real reason at all in the privacy of your own home, apartment, or squat. No dress code is required to do so, but it is always fun to imagine people watching movies in nothing but their underpants (or, if it's a marathon, in Depends adult diapers).

Fair disclosure: This is by no means an original idea. In fact, I borrowed (stole) the concept after seeing a much more hipster version of it called "Wes Anderson Bingo", but that takes likes smarts and shit to play, whereas this is just dumb and isn't far off from real shit. Plus, because of the sheer amount of crossover content, cast clusterfucks, and peanut galleries galore, queries will surely arise like, "Well, it's throw up and it's Steve-O, so where pray tell do I put my official jackass bingo chip?" In the end, I suggest doing what Jesus would do: Live fast, work with wood, make some fish wine, raise some zombies, and don't leave a beautiful corpse behind. Godspeed and good luck making little to no sense of it!*

* Worst case, you can always tap on the image, print it out, and decorate your refrigerator or toilet lid.

have you seen her?

Did you ever have one of those days when you wake up in the morning expecting the same ol' routine, but then get dramatically T-boned into a whole other random direction? Well, that was my yesterday; hence the lack of a daily dose of Thursday Dick from the House that truly does care. So for today, let's let bygones be bygonorrhea, and forget about finding maps to the skaters' homes. The search for Animal Chin is done, documented, and put to bed (with bonus features to boot!), and the new quest is on for Animal Camel Toe. She was last seen in Downtown LA mingling with fellow, like-minded street folk and passersby. Chances are she's still there, a lunatic acorn at large amongst the fringe of walnuts, almonds, cashews, and peckins. In the event you happen to spot or stumble upon her, do not attempt to engage in conversation and be extremely wary of close personal contact as she is a known hugger for exceedingly awkward amounts of time. Unless, of course, you like to be slowly smothered in the scent of 90-year-old boobs. In which case you may enjoy her current milk carton candidates.

boxing day booger blow out

So it's the day after Christmas. Boxing day to some; discount shopping to others; toilet bowl blow outs for all. Wahoo! Good gravy, did I ever stuff the shit out of my stomach ... only now I'm still waiting for it to pass and go into the porcelain light like a good little Carole Anne, at which point it will most definitely be a joyeux noël for my poor constipation-torn rectum.

Whatever, I'll live to poo another day, so no sense whinging about it now. Instead, let's box the shit out of Boxing Day. And, if I may be so bold, I'd like to recommend jackass: the lost tapes for your optic digestive system. Why this one particular DVD out of so many others? Well, let me count the ways...

1) It came out in 2009, prior to the big brouhahaha brought about by jackass 3D in 2010, so it may not have received the best coming out party possible.

2) It contains (almost) all the loose ends, segments, and transitions from the TV show, as well as numerous never-before-seen loose ends, segments, and transitions that had only appeared on jackassworld.rip.

3) There's this clip with Dimitry and Steve-O that's beyond priceless, making it well worth whatever heavily discounted bargain bin price it's now available for!

Casually intrigued? Easily persuaded? Love "Denim And Leather" by Saxon? Buy jackass: the lost tapes on DVD today! Or tomorrow! Or whenever the uncontrollable urge suits you and your financial instability!

happy holidays from dickhouse!

Okay, so it's not like the Grinch stole Christmas, but he definitely stuck his uncircumsized asparagus dick into my plans.

Today I'd hoped to present you with this extra-special video that was guaranteed to tickle your twisted pink, but ... well ... in the spirit of the day I shan't point any fingers at dropped balls and the hands that once held them. Just something to look forward to in the new year, I guess.

My back-up gift was foolproof, I thought, but guess what! Turns out fools can indeed outwit a halfwit. You see, I wanted to share the annual Dickhouse greeting card that gets sent out to all our significant others, but when I finally received the image and got around to assembling the post it was 12:22am on Christmas Day—and only then did I realize the image that I'd been sent was the size of an f'ing postage stamp. So here you go. Good luck making out with the pixel faces.

Happy Half-Ass Holidays!

let the countdunn begin...

Less than a week from now—Monday, November 28th, for those of you who get anal with dates—MTV will be airing A Tribute to Ryan Dunn, an hour-long special dedicated to celebrating the memories of our dearly departed brother and Zac Hartwell. This was, by no means, an easy thing to do—in fact it's been one of the most difficult things we've done to date—but we're extremely thankful for the times we did have with Dunn and wanted to share these moments and more in this intimate look at his life...

A Tribute to Ryan Dunn premieres on MTV Monday, November 28, at 10:30pm ET/PT. Prior to this, however, there will be an all-new episode of Ridiculousness featuring a guest appearance by Ryan taped earlier this year. Stay tuned after the tribute for an encore presentation of jackass 3.5 at 11:30pm ET/PT.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; California 2010)

11.11.11 = 69

If you're one of those goofy little fingerpainters that takes delight in placing mystic symbolism on each and every numerological occurrence to come down the Gregorian pike then you've come to the wrong place. Actually, this is pretty much the wrong place to find anything right, unless of course you're looking for a daily detour from the drudgery of life, in which case two of our wrongs often do make a right—or a super mighty fan-fucking-tastic 69, depending how you look at it. And just look at it! A thing of absurd beauty it be with a liberal dash of Southern, a conservative pinch of Waters, a moderate hint of de Sade, and a radical grip of Elmers.

Nonplussed by the math of it all? Prefer a man who ellipses more than he lisps? A first-class ticket to the theater of the absurd is waiting for you here when you buy jackass 3 on DVD and Blu-ray.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; Pennsylvania 2010)

happy birthday to spike jonze!

I know today is the special day, but my goodness, so was the pictured day above on jackass 3. There were many within the production that were absolutely green with envy to be in Spike's position—notwithstanding all its friendly fire implications—and I can happily attest to being one of them. Oh, to have been armed, locked and loaded that glorious day (but I really can't complain, seeing as I did have a hand in pelting the original "Human Bull's-Eye" back on the television show)! Anyway, if you missed it this past week, celebrate Spike's birth canal slip 'n' slide by treating yourself to a short, sweet slice of his creative life with Mourir Auprès de Toi (To Die By Your Side). Happy Birthday, Spike!

P.S. Molly, please brush up on your sperm whale knowledge.

(Photo by Sean Cliver; California 2010)

"mourir aupres de toi" a new short by spike jonze

Spike Jonze: Mourir Auprès de Toi on Nowness.com.

Every once in a while—no, make that quite often—Spike Jonze will disappear down the rabbit hole only to emerge months later with these incredibly creative little gems. Witness his latest, Mourir Auprès de Toi (To Die By Your Side), a joint collaboration with designer Olympia Le-Tan. Rarely do I hop on a soap box—mostly because I tend to slip and land square on my bony ass cheek—but this short should remind the whole of humanity to support local antiquarian book shops. Nothing beats the sensorial sensation experienced when one enters said shop ... the door creak, the equally creaky floorboards, the visual eye candy of covers galore, and the sheer must and dust of it all. Plus, without fail, within just a few minutes of getting lost in the literary browse I really have to poop, making it the absolute best laxative I know.

the making of cathy's camel toe

Foam! That's it. It was made of foam. How's that for the shortest, most unenlightening "making of" ever? What is extra-special about this foam, though, is that it was taken and fashioned by Tony Gardner, the man behind the special effects house that has been doing our old man make-up ever since Irving Zisman took his first mischievous 90-year-old steps on the jackass television series in 2001 (and, if you've a flair for the trivial and previously mentioned, Tony rocked the zombie house way back in 1985, long before it was the fashionable thing to do, with his classic work on Return of the Living Dead). So there you go, that's Cathy undressed. As for her mental make-up ... well, that was all Spike, but even he looks back on that day and wonders what was really going on within the slow-cooked confines of his brain that day.

Aficionado of front butts, camel toes, and things that go bump on a lark? This Sunday, October 23, MTV will be airing jackass 3.5 at 9:00pm ET/PT.

cute product alert: the spike jonze pico by lakai

 

Major late flag on this product review play, but up for a plugging today is the Pico, a Spike Jonze signature shoe model made by Lakai (or, as every other hype-fresh-beast-dope-freak blog would herald the collaboration, the "Spike Jonze X Lakai Pico Limited").

They're clean, they're simple, and they're distinctly understated, just way Spike likes it. Plus I'm guessing he never managed to secure a shoe sponsorship through Clarks.

Spec-speaking the Pico features all this hot shit shoe terminology:

• Flexible vulcanized construction!
• Tacky gum rubber outsole!
• Durable suede and canvas upper!
• Full-length shock aborbing insole!

So if your feet are jonesing for some new kicks then perhaps these Jonzes will do the pedes trick.

FYI: The Picos were released earlier this year, but you can still find 'em here: The Spike Jonze Pico by Lakai

(Photo by Sean Cliver; 2010)